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https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Kaleb28/lie%CA%B9s_b-13937_sid-c67ac1c3255f73de2ac905c03fd9cee7.html |
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| Author: | Kaleb28 [ Sun Sep 12, 2021 10:51 pm ] |
| Blog Subject: | Lie's |
I wonder if I've been lieing to my self these past three years or that I've been lieing to myself these past 5 months. You know if you tell a lie enough times you tend to actually believe it,. I don't know it makes sense to me I just can't accept that OCD fears can turn into actual feelings I definitely have obsessions and I definitely check to see if my attraction still exist (which it really doesn't at this point) but I just started finding men attractive a year ago, wasn't strong but it exist but especially in the past five months well it's gotten strong I can masterbate to me now I get good feelings along with anxiety when thinking of a guy. I swear this is one of the worst things to happen to me now, I wish it wasn't sexuality I was pretty happy with who I was the past 7-8 years I'm mean I've always been a bit of a coward and a sissy to some extent and I always wanted a sexually dominant woman. It just seems like it all has been forcibly taken from me. I don't fear anything I just want my attraction to men to disappear or for me to wipe my memory I can't enjoy anything I had prior to this... Thing that's been happening because when I play a game I'll be like I remember finding this character attractive but now I don't and it's been replaced with an unwanted attraction for male characters (or any male for that matter I was just using an example). I don't even know if I could go back to how I was and be happy with the experience. after what ive gone through it all just seems like a delusional fantasy I don't want to find men attractive ESPECIALLY primarily men hell I don't even want the choice could my OCD from before really just be a coverup for what I am currently l. I remember there being a time when thinking about sucking xock would make me gag, but now... I think I could do I I think I could ###$ a guy as well. All day I've made an effort to not check anything, I came on here to vent and went straight to the blogs without looking at anything else, it's hard to do but I've persisted. Eh wish me luck |
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