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Kaleb28
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Posts: 38
Joined: Mon Apr 26, 2021 12:23 am
Blog: View Blog (8)
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- July 2021
Stress
   Thu Jul 22, 2021 6:38 pm
A knew thougbt
   Thu Jul 22, 2021 6:06 pm
I feel a little better
   Thu Jul 22, 2021 4:55 am
I like the stress
   Thu Jul 22, 2021 4:01 am
I need to stop yeilding to my "compulsions"
   Thu Jul 22, 2021 3:45 am

+ June 2021
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Stress

Permanent Linkby Kaleb28 on Thu Jul 22, 2021 6:38 pm

Stress has become my natural state when I try to quell the stress it always just feels normal when I go into a sexuality forum I just get so Sade I don't think I have an attraction to men I know I do I just don't like it I wish my attraction to women was stronger than it than it is now I honestly wish I was asexual I sometimes get disgusted by women as well these days wish never ever happened during previous episodes but I'm also 17 so I guess I'm still going through puberty who the ###$ knows


I don't get the Ed on by anything because of my stress I wish I could go back to normal i remember my aunt telling me that when she first figured out she was gay it took her a few years to accept it because she wanted to be normal well I wish I could go back to normal but instead I'm not I want to just talk to someone but it will be just useless rambling sadly I don't know what I want

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A knew thougbt

Permanent Linkby Kaleb28 on Thu Jul 22, 2021 6:06 pm

I just thought about it but I actually kind of want to be told I'm gay or bi I don't know why because I don't like hering it on the internet but I want to be told it because for whatever reason I find it to be relief at least in my imagination maybe that kind of confirms that I'm going through some weird form of obfuscation this is going to be a hard process I e heard of people where it took the 50 years to figure this out and who knows maybe it will be shorter than that but it still sucks

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I feel a little better

Permanent Linkby Kaleb28 on Thu Jul 22, 2021 4:55 am

I've been trying to actively suppress my anxiety and for the past few minutes I've felt somewhat content so I guess this is a start

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I like the stress

Permanent Linkby Kaleb28 on Thu Jul 22, 2021 4:01 am

I like the stress weather it's ocd or the fact that I know how I feel when I feel like there's a chance I won't be able to go back to being straight I just like it and want it to stay forever, my life is hell my life is hell my life is hell fuxk everything I hate life with a passion I'm to much if a coward to kill my self I'm to scared to go to therapy and with the two therapist I've talked to one said it sounds like I bi and the other said it sounds like I'm bi as well so who the ###$ knows, I was on another ocd forum on another website and I got a mix of people saying it is and isn't ocd so who knows I've been like this for THREE ######6 MONTHS and nothing's changed it usually last a month an month but no I'm going to either be gay bi or in this state of non acceptance forever I was on this website called empty closets and there "first" stage of coming out was finding somebody of the same gender attractive well guess what #####& I do I ######6 do so there part one to scratch off my list yeah ###$ my life and ###$ whatever my sexuality is

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I need to stop yeilding to my "compulsions"

Permanent Linkby Kaleb28 on Thu Jul 22, 2021 3:45 am

I posted a post earlier essentially reiterating the same tired old post about how I find men attractive and nobody I find on the forum seems similar to me boo hoo hoo, I just need to accept it I kinda get pleasurable thoughts and I need to let go of my past I NEED TO LET GO OF MY PAST it might suck that this was the hand I was delt but that is what I need to do this is all over the place I know but I just feel like complete and utter $#%^ I NEED TO ACCEPT Why can't I ###$ my life ###$ sexuality I just hate my self I think and I hate saying that because it confirms.what I wish wasn't true

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