Six months since my last blog post. I went off medication then. I was fine up until a week or two ago.... maybe a month at most....
It started out small... missing sleep, eating less, focusing intensely on one thing only - ignoring anything else - and then it escalated.
No sleep or food for days, then crash and maybe eat a sandwich
Can't think at all or extremely focused. Paranoid, thoughts of self harm/suicide. Every move I make is more seductive, I radiate sex. I swear its the (hypo)mania [whatever it is]. Random bouts of crying... I feel like hallucinations and voices are going to come soon. There's been minor hallucinations, just shadows behind me n $#%^. Mostly just paranoia, that people know I'm screwed up right now. They know what I'm thinking
I know what's coming, I'm going to end up cutting myself to shreds, ending up in the hospital. Because I won't kill myself. As much as I might want to, I won't. Cutting is totally open though.
Here's to hoping I'm wrong, and that this just passes.