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Johnny-Jack's Musings and Some Alter Stories
Hi, all! I finally figured out a few years ago that I am multiple, having suffered yet to some degree succeeded in life with dissociative identity disorder. Like many with DID, there had been areas of and moments in my life that were confusing and dysfunctional but I could never figure out why.

I had periodic depressions and my memory was often poor. But I didn't experience the hallmarks of DID like losing chunks of time. In my search for answers I spent a fortune on books, seminars, and therapists. I considered the possibility of having DID many times, but the clues I had gave me no certainty and no therapist helped me focus on the potential root cause of my problems. Blocked awareness and inaccessible memories are how DID works. A blessing in childhood, problematic later.

Several years ago, trauma memories started coming to me in images and flashbacks, and alters "woke up" and communicated with me. It was easy to admit then that I had DID. I had always felt a bit like a counterfeit. But it was impossible to fathom how the "good" parents I remembered were randomly monstrous abusers of me as a child, psychologically, physically and sexually.

I will never, ever, ever understand how a person, let alone a parent, can hurt a small, innocent, utterly defenseless child, not once but hundreds of time. It is contrary to the most basic human instinct to nurture and protect one's offspring. But it happened. Though it wasn't necessary, I sought and discovered external proof it happened. Now I work in therapy and in life to reverse the damage these warped people caused.

In 2011 I began communicating with a teen with DID and, when it looked like he would become homeless, I hired him from across the country -- knowing it would be a challenge -- as a live-in personal assistant to cook, drive and run errands. We soon began to rely on and support each other the way healthy families do, so I adopted him. Really, I adopted them, dozens of sons and daughters.

Over the years we've learned how to attach to another person, safely and in a family context. I sometimes feel rage when I think about his parents or mine. Still, both of us are prospering. Living well is the best revenge.
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what my alters look like, wear, or carry

Permanent Linkby Johnny-Jack on Mon Aug 22, 2011 12:28 am

This was written in a playful mood, though it's mostly what they tell me. Considering DID occurs because of severe trauma and working with alters means learning of and often re-experiencing that trauma, I'm just glad I can sometimes have a playful mood.

APPEARANCE...so I'm told
"Evidence" means I have photographic proof of appearance or, in the case of Jack, a painting (my avatar):

Adam: black hair, dark brown eyes (evidence)
Ashár: gray/white/brown fur, yellow eyes, long sharp canines
Little John: brown hair, brown eyes, average size for his age (evidence)
Hansel: dark blond hair, brown eyes, thin
Johann: light brown hair, brown eyes, thin
Charles: sandy hair, blue eyes, average size
Jack: reddish brown hair, brown eyes, average height/weight (evidence)
Dan: blond hair, blue eyes, big guy, muscular
Quato: orange (red?) longer hair, green eyes, surprisingly wide but not overweight (huh?)
Jonathan: dark brown hair, blue eyes, tall, thin
Aaron: brown hair, brown eyes, tallish, husky
John: auburn hair, brown eyes (evidence)
Marc-Dominic: silver hair, hazel eyes, "earning a paunch"
Sphinx: unknown, maybe bald (?!), luminescent eyes (?); genderless, wraith-like?

Adam: diapers
Ashár: ropes
Little John: white shirt, blue pants, black shoes
Hansel: Lederhosen (shorts), red t-shirt
Johann: Lederhosen (shorts), blue t-shirt
Charles: knickers, light shirt, brown pants, suspenders
Jack: old jeans, plaid shirt, sneakers
Dan: yellow & black rugby shirt, athletic shorts, rugby shoes (cleats)
Quato: leather bomber jacket, ripped jeans, white T, alligator boots
Jonathan: dark blue pin-stripe suit, maroon Brooks Brothers tie, mahogany wingtips
Aaron: flannel shirt, corduroy pants, lumberjack boots
John: khaki pants, navy blue & white stripe shirt, penny loafers
Marc-Dominic: black tuxedo or money-green smoking jacket
Sphinx: too ethereal for clothing but maybe a translucent Jedi-like robe?

Adam: stuffed animals
Ashár: nothing, on account of his paws
Little John: Play-doh, or crayons and a coloring book
Hansel: a bag of toy animals and people
Johann: a big box of lego blocks
Charles: a cap and an old-fashioned child's book
Jack: a hoe or a twig
Dan: football or rugby ball
Quato: nunchucks (not adept at using them and would surely injure us)
Jonathan: tablet computer and smart phone
Aaron: axe (for chopping wood)
John: a book
Marc-Dominic: cognac in a brandy snifter
Sphinx: legal identification and financial records (!?!)
Last edited by Johnny-Jack on Thu Apr 12, 2012 5:58 pm, edited 14 times in total.

Dx = DID. My blog. My personal Periodic Table of alters.
Ab Ad Al Am An Ar As Ba Be Br Ca Cb Ch Cl Cm Cn Co Cp Ct Cu Cv D Eb Ed Er Es F Fl Ga Gd Go Gr Gw He Hk Hs Ht I J Jh Jk Jn Jy Ke Ki Kn Ky Li Lu Md Mi Mt Mx Mz Ne Ni O Pe Pi Q Ra Rd Ry Sc Se Sh Sk Sx Tk Ty U V Wa Wi X Y Ze Zn

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