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Johnny-Jack's Blog
Hi, everybody! I finally figured out a few years ago that I was multiple, having suffered yet to some degree succeeded in life with dissociative identity disorder. Like many with DID, there have been areas of and moments in my life that were confusing and dysfunctional but I could never figure out why, no matter how hard I tried.

I had periodic bouts of major depression and my memory was sometimes awful. But I didn't seem to experience the hallmarks or stereotypes of DID, like losing time. Although I spent a small fortune on books, seminars, and therapists and looked into the possibility of having DID many times, the clues I had just didn't point me to any certainty and no therapist helped me focus on the potential root cause of my problems. Blocked awareness and inaccessible memories are how DID works. It's a blessing in childhood but disadvantageous later in life.

Several years ago, after trauma memories started coming to me in images and flashbacks and alters began emerging and communicating with me, it was easy to own that I had DID but still hard to fathom how the normal parents and others that I remembered were randomly monstrous abusers of me as a child, psychologically, physically and sexually. I don't think I'll ever be able to fathom how a human being could do these things to a child, a small, innocent person. But it happened. And although it wasn't necessary, I sought and discovered external proof. I'm working in therapy and in life to reverse the damage these warped people caused.

I communicated with a DID teen on this forum and, when it looked like he would become homeless at 19, I hired him as a live-in personal assistant. Almost immediately we came to rely on and support each other the way (good) families do so I adopted him. Really, I adopted them. Now we're all helping one another learn how to attach safely to people. In a way, my son's healing is my revenge by proxy against sick parents -- his and mine.
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- November 2018
programming: how my abuser silenced me
   Sun Nov 04, 2018 12:38 am

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what my alters look like, wear, or carry

Permanent Linkby Johnny-Jack on Mon Aug 22, 2011 12:28 am

This was written in a playful mood, though it's mostly what they tell me. Considering DID occurs because of severe trauma and working with alters means learning of and often re-experiencing that trauma, I'm just glad I can sometimes have a playful mood.

APPEARANCE...so I'm told
"Evidence" means I have photographic proof of appearance or, in the case of Jack, a painting (my avatar):

Adam: black hair, dark brown eyes (evidence)
Ashár: gray/white/brown fur, yellow eyes, long sharp canines
Little John: brown hair, brown eyes, average size for his age (evidence)
Hansel: dark blond hair, brown eyes, thin
Johann: light brown hair, brown eyes, thin
Charles: sandy hair, blue eyes, average size
Jack: reddish brown hair, brown eyes, average height/weight (evidence)
Dan: blond hair, blue eyes, big guy, muscular
Quato: orange (red?) longer hair, green eyes, surprisingly wide but not overweight (huh?)
Jonathan: dark brown hair, blue eyes, tall, thin
Aaron: brown hair, brown eyes, tallish, husky
John: auburn hair, brown eyes (evidence)
Marc-Dominic: silver hair, hazel eyes, "earning a paunch"
Sphinx: unknown, maybe bald (?!), luminescent eyes (?); genderless, wraith-like?

Adam: diapers
Ashár: ropes
Little John: white shirt, blue pants, black shoes
Hansel: Lederhosen (shorts), red t-shirt
Johann: Lederhosen (shorts), blue t-shirt
Charles: knickers, light shirt, brown pants, suspenders
Jack: old jeans, plaid shirt, sneakers
Dan: yellow & black rugby shirt, athletic shorts, rugby shoes (cleats)
Quato: leather bomber jacket, ripped jeans, white T, alligator boots
Jonathan: dark blue pin-stripe suit, maroon Brooks Brothers tie, mahogany wingtips
Aaron: flannel shirt, corduroy pants, lumberjack boots
John: khaki pants, navy blue & white stripe shirt, penny loafers
Marc-Dominic: black tuxedo or money-green smoking jacket
Sphinx: too ethereal for clothing but maybe a translucent Jedi-like robe?

Adam: stuffed animals
Ashár: nothing, on account of his paws
Little John: Play-doh, or crayons and a coloring book
Hansel: a bag of toy animals and people
Johann: a big box of lego blocks
Charles: a cap and an old-fashioned child's book
Jack: a hoe or a twig
Dan: football or rugby ball
Quato: nunchucks (not adept at using them and would surely injure us)
Jonathan: tablet computer and smart phone
Aaron: axe (for chopping wood)
John: a book
Marc-Dominic: cognac in a brandy snifter
Sphinx: legal identification and financial records (!?!)
Last edited by Johnny-Jack on Thu Apr 12, 2012 5:58 pm, edited 14 times in total.

75 of us. Dx=DID. John, Johnny, Ryder hosts. Sphinx. Gwendolyn 50s. Marc-Dominic, Aaron, Gaul 40s. Jonathan 33. Neville 20. Quato 19. Kyle 16. Ulric, Calvin, Daniel 15. Faolán 14. Mick/Mxyzptlk, Hoyt, Eberly, Flynn, Cam, Cully, Abel, Will, Tuck, Gordon, Pehr 13. Nigel 12. Orval, Jack 11. Abraham, Zane, Ty, Randy 10. Brody 9. Sky, Yanni, Vince, Luke, Hank, Xavi 8. Cole, Matt, Chase 7. Andre, Godwin, Greg, Carter, Estes, Seamus 6. Michael, Caleb, Inky, Kent 5. twins Hansel & Johann, Bartholomew, Casper, Raisin Annie, Scott, Wats 4. Pip, Max, Little John 3. Erik, Carl, Sheldon, Ben, Alvin, Ashár, Henry 2. Edward, Clark 1. Zeb, Adam <1
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