Psychology and Mental Health Forum

Author:  Johnny-Jack [ Wed Jun 21, 2017 8:35 pm ]
Blog Subject:  We know we're the same person but...

We've worked together for decades with little conflict. We're not sure whether the cooperation developed over time or if we had it in childhood. It never dawned on us to view ourselves as distinct alters. Even after we determined that we did develop dissociative identify disorder (DID) due to parental abuse in early childhood, we weren't able to make the distinction that there are two of us normally in control of the life and the body and we're not the same alter -- Johnny (me) and John, the one who probably usually posts here. Only after distinguishing some differences in behavior, thinking and skills/strengths were we able to conclude: we are not the same host alter, there are at least two of us. (In fact there are more host-like alters, perhaps more than we recognize even now but that's a story for a future blog entry).

We still are not sure exactly where one of us starts and the other ends. Or put differently, we don't fully recognize the seams that both join and separate us. With most alters in our system, as with many DID systems, switching from one to another is noticeable. With us, there's no discernible switch.

Even though our system is stable and we're moving towards greater health, functionality and internal communication, knowing what's going on at any moment is incredibly frustrating. For this reason, we generally try to avoid figuring out certain things, like who's in control of the body at any moment. We're all the same person, we're alters but we're all in the same mind and body. It's just with DID, we don't experience ourselves that way. I don't think this blog entry adds much to our self-awareness. But I felt like posting something that I know is from me. - Johnny

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