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Johnny-Jack's Musings and Some Alter Stories
Hi, all! I finally figured out a few years ago that I am multiple, having suffered yet to some degree succeeded in life with dissociative identity disorder. Like many with DID, there had been areas of and moments in my life that were confusing and dysfunctional but I could never figure out why.

I had periodic depressions and my memory was often poor. But I didn't experience the hallmarks of DID like losing chunks of time. In my search for answers I spent a fortune on books, seminars, and therapists. I considered the possibility of having DID many times, but the clues I had gave me no certainty and no therapist helped me focus on the potential root cause of my problems. Blocked awareness and inaccessible memories are how DID works. A blessing in childhood, problematic later.

Several years ago, trauma memories started coming to me in images and flashbacks, and alters "woke up" and communicated with me. It was easy to admit then that I had DID. I had always felt a bit like a counterfeit. But it was impossible to fathom how the "good" parents I remembered were randomly monstrous abusers of me as a child, psychologically, physically and sexually.

I will never, ever, ever understand how a person, let alone a parent, can hurt a small, innocent, utterly defenseless child, not once but hundreds of time. It is contrary to the most basic human instinct to nurture and protect one's offspring. But it happened. Though it wasn't necessary, I sought and discovered external proof it happened. Now I work in therapy and in life to reverse the damage these warped people caused.

In 2011 I began communicating with a teen with DID and, when it looked like he would become homeless, I hired him from across the country -- knowing it would be a challenge -- as a live-in personal assistant to cook, drive and run errands. We soon began to rely on and support each other the way healthy families do, so I adopted him. Really, I adopted them, dozens of sons and daughters.

Over the years we've learned how to attach to another person, safely and in a family context. I sometimes feel rage when I think about his parents or mine. Still, both of us are prospering. Living well is the best revenge.
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how we avoided an internal war
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Types of alters, categories

Permanent Linkby Johnny-Jack on Sat Aug 20, 2011 8:42 pm

There are 14 alters in my system. The Sphinx tends to talk about the body almost as if it's an additional alter. The host, John, likes to list and categorize things in order to gain control over information. Analyzing my alters tends to make them and the dissociative identity disorder less strange to me. Those treating individuals with MPD/DID have found that alters tend to fall into certain categories. This list makes me realize that I'm almost pedestrian as persons with DID go, though it may be a little odd I don't have any persecutors or introjects.

Types are forced. They aren't necessarily real but they may be helpful to consider. If someone has 2 alters, the host and one other, trying to find a type may be pointless. If someone has 20 alters, looking for types similarly found in other systems can be helpful. If someone has 200 alters, assigning a type to each may be necessary to start making sense of everyone. I find it can be helpful, so I've done it. However, making assumptions that there would be ANP/EP distinctions has been confusing, counter-productive, wasteful time-wise, and experienced as hurtful to some alters, who were far deeper as personalities than I imagined. I had also counted on finding some alters who were fragments. So when a new alter didn't appear to have had much time in the body, I identified them as fragmentary. But alters were not created or designed that way in my system. They are created as a person with a handful of key traits and they very quickly begin filling themselves in with thoughts, beliefs, attitudes and behaviors that would be consistent with such a person -- something like that.

Accent/Dialect: Jack (Appalachian), Charles (British English)
Animal: Ashár (wolfdog)
Core (original): Adam
Cross-gender: none
Deceased: Dan (reanimated Sep 2011)
Former Hosts: Adam, Little John
Fragments: none
Gatekeeper: the Sphinx
Helper: Marc-Dominic, Hansel (of Johann)
Host: John
Introject: none
Persecutor: none
Protector: Ashár (of Adam), Jack (of John and children), John (of a sibling)
Self-harming: John (mild)
Sexualized: Quato
Shape-shifter: Marc-Dominic
Trickster: Quato
Twins: Hansel, Johann
Untraumatized: Aaron, Marc-Dominic

* 6 Littles (age 0-6): Adam, Ashár, Little John, Hansel, Johann, Charles
* 1 Middle (age 7-12): Jack
* 2 Teens (13-19): Dan, Quato
* 4 Adults: Aaron, Jonathan, John, Marc-Dominic
* 1 Ageless: Sphinx
* 1 Older than body: Marc-Dominic [~15 years older]

The body's natural orientation is straight male.
* Straight: Jack, Jonathan, Dan, Hansel, Johann, Aaron, Little John
* Straight with gay addictions (changing): Quato
* Gay: John (shifting)
* Bisexual: Marc-Dominic
* Asexual: Sphinx
* Too young/Unknown: Adam, Ashár, Charles

* MALE: John, Jack, Jonathan, Little John, Hansel, Johann, Quato, Dan, Adam, Ashár, Marc-Dominic, Aaron, Charles
* FEMALE: none
* GENDERLESS: the Sphinx

* HIGH-BROW: Marc-Dominic (sophisticated blue-blood), Jonathan (cultured), John (academic)
* LOW-BROW: Jack (hillbilly), Dan (blue-collar grammar), Quato (street-talking)

* SPHINX (the gatekeeper): Sphinx, Ashár, Little John, John, Jonathan, Jack, Dan
* JOHN: Johann, Hansel, Quato, Charles, Marc-Dominic, Aaron
The 6 alters created by John were unknown to the gatekeeper until their revelation.

* protectiveness towards small children
* monogamy
Last edited by Johnny-Jack on Fri May 11, 2012 4:43 am, edited 31 times in total.

Dx = DID. My blog. My personal Periodic Table of alters.
Ab Ad Al Am An Ar As Ba Be Br Ca Cb Ch Cl Cm Cn Co Cp Ct Cu Cv D Eb Ed Er Es F Fl Ga Gd Go Gr Gw He Hk Hs Ht I J Jh Jk Jn Jy Ke Ki Kn Ky Li Lu Md Mi Mt Mx Mz Ne Ni O Pe Pi Q Ra Rd Ry Sc Se Sh Sk Sx Tk Ty U V Wa Wi X Y Ze Zn

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