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Johnny-Jack's Musings and Some Alter Stories
Hi, all! I finally figured out a few years ago that I am multiple, having suffered yet to some degree succeeded in life with dissociative identity disorder. Like many with DID, there had been areas of and moments in my life that were confusing and dysfunctional but I could never figure out why.

I had periodic depressions and my memory was often poor. But I didn't experience the hallmarks of DID like losing chunks of time. In my search for answers I spent a fortune on books, seminars, and therapists. I considered the possibility of having DID many times, but the clues I had gave me no certainty and no therapist helped me focus on the potential root cause of my problems. Blocked awareness and inaccessible memories are how DID works. A blessing in childhood, problematic later.

Several years ago, trauma memories started coming to me in images and flashbacks, and alters "woke up" and communicated with me. It was easy to admit then that I had DID. I had always felt a bit like a counterfeit. But it was impossible to fathom how the "good" parents I remembered were randomly monstrous abusers of me as a child, psychologically, physically and sexually.

I will never, ever, ever understand how a person, let alone a parent, can hurt a small, innocent, utterly defenseless child, not once but hundreds of time. It is contrary to the most basic human instinct to nurture and protect one's offspring. But it happened. Though it wasn't necessary, I sought and discovered external proof it happened. Now I work in therapy and in life to reverse the damage these warped people caused.

In 2011 I began communicating with a teen with DID and, when it looked like he would become homeless, I hired him from across the country -- knowing it would be a challenge -- as a live-in personal assistant to cook, drive and run errands. We soon began to rely on and support each other the way healthy families do, so I adopted him. Really, I adopted them, dozens of sons and daughters.

Over the years we've learned how to attach to another person, safely and in a family context. I sometimes feel rage when I think about his parents or mine. Still, both of us are prospering. Living well is the best revenge.
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Types of alters, categories (updated)

Permanent Linkby Johnny-Jack on Fri Mar 15, 2013 4:59 am

Abuse absent: Marc-Dominic, Daniel, Aaron
Abuse witnessed: Hansel, Sphinx, Edward
Abuse from mother: Carter, Adam, Ashár, Little John
Abuse from father: John, Jack, Jonathan, Max, Johann, Quato, Little John
Abuse from others: Luke, Chase
Accent/Dialect: Jack (Appalachian), Chase (British English)
Angry: Daniel, Quato
Animal: Ashár (wolfdog)
Core (original): Adam
Cross-gender: none
Deceased: Daniel (reanimated Sep 2011)
Former Hosts: Adam, Little John
Fragments: none
Gatekeeper: the Sphinx
Helper: Marc-Dominic, Hansel (of Johann)
Host: John
Introject: none
Moral Dilemma: Edward
Persecutor: none
Protector: Ashár (of Adam), Jack (of John and children), John (of a sibling)
Self-harming: John (mild)
Sexualized: Quato
Shape-shifter: Marc-Dominic
Trickster: Quato
Twins: Hansel, Johann

* 9 Littles (age 0-6): Adam, Edward, Ashár, Little John, Max, Hansel, Johann, Chase, Carter
* 2 Middles (age 7-12): Jack, Luke
* 2 Teens (13-19): Dan, Quato
* 4 Adults: Aaron, Jonathan, John, Marc-Dominic
* 1 Ageless: Sphinx
* 1 Older than body: Marc-Dominic [~15 years older]
* 0 age-sliders: (that we know of)

The body's natural orientation is straight male.
* Straight: Jack, Jonathan, Dan, Hansel, Johann, Aaron, Little John, Chase, Carter, Max, Luke
* Straight with gay addictions (changing): Quato
* Gay: John (shifting)
* Bisexual: Marc-Dominic (theoretical)
* Asexual: Sphinx
* Too young/Unknown: Adam, Ashár, Edward

All alters are male, none are female. Sphinx is genderless, though if pressed, he selects male as the logical gender.

There is quite a issue in my system about class, culture and education. It was a stupid distinction but existed in my family of origin as an issue, particularly in my mother, so it shaped who we needed to be:
* HIGH-BROW: Marc-Dominic (sophisticated blue-blood), Jonathan (cultured), John (academic)
* LOW-BROW: Jack (hillbilly), Dan (blue-collar grammar), Quato (street-talking)

Some suggest that there cannot be an original or core in a DID system. This doesn't ring true in many systems. In our system, the evidence is overwhelming that there is an original and no evidence that that's not possible or can be explained in any other way. Because the life was constantly in danger and we had to retain knowledge of what helped keep us alive, we actually have more memories and clearer ones from the first year than from some later years. There is a baby and two alters split off from him in the first half year of life.
* Original/First: Adam
* Created by SPHINX (the gatekeeper): Sphinx, Ashár, Little John, John, Jonathan, Jack, Dan
* Evolved: Johann, Hansel, Quato, Chase, Marc-Dominic, Carter, Aaron, Max, Edward, Luke
The evolved alters were unknown to the gatekeeper until their revelation.

* protectiveness towards small children
* monogamy

Dx = DID. My blog. My personal Periodic Table of alters.
Ab Ad Al Am An Ar As Ba Be Br Ca Cb Ch Cl Cm Cn Co Cp Ct Cu Cv D Eb Ed Er Es F Fl Ga Gd Go Gr Gw He Hk Hs Ht I J Jh Jk Jn Jy Ke Ki Kn Ky Li Lu Md Mi Mt Mx Mz Ne Ni O Pe Pi Q Ra Rd Ry Sc Se Sh Sk Sx Tk Ty U V Wa Wi X Y Ze Zn

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Re: Types of alters, categories (updated)

Permanent Linkby Johnny-Jack on Sat Mar 23, 2013 1:04 pm

Note that the original or core I speak of about does not mean that there is a genuine true self in Adam, the baby or core, and that the rest of us are invented or something. It means that he and his personality are pretty much how we were as a baby originally. The other parts of us are just as genuine as he is.

Adam arrived in the present virtually always stuck in flashbacks where he was being choked and couldn't breathe. Once we figured out how to release him from these, by "grabbing" him at the end of the flashback before the flashback faded away, we enabled him as an alter to be in the present. He was at first extremely frightened but over time he began to act exactly like a baby. After he'd been back several months, we were able to compare what we had seen or felt when he was in the body with an eight-month-old infant (like him) of a coworker. The behavior, such as the lack of fine motor control, was so much like Adam's, it all began to make sense that he really was a baby.

The first two alters to arrive after Adam arose as protectors of Adam: Ashar, a wolfpup, and Sphinx, our logical gatekeeper. Both of these are least human so Adam, retaining pretty normal baby characteristics, can logically be defined as the original person/part of us. Human personality is definitely formed over time but anyone who interacts with babies knows they're not really a bunch of disconnected ego states. I await the arrival of a better explanation for early childhood personality development as it applies to DID than I've read so far.
Dx = DID. My blog. My personal Periodic Table of alters.
Ab Ad Al Am An Ar As Ba Be Br Ca Cb Ch Cl Cm Cn Co Cp Ct Cu Cv D Eb Ed Er Es F Fl Ga Gd Go Gr Gw He Hk Hs Ht I J Jh Jk Jn Jy Ke Ki Kn Ky Li Lu Md Mi Mt Mx Mz Ne Ni O Pe Pi Q Ra Rd Ry Sc Se Sh Sk Sx Tk Ty U V Wa Wi X Y Ze Zn

Forum rules
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