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Hi, everybody! I finally figured out a few years ago that I was multiple, having suffered yet to some degree succeeded in life with dissociative identity disorder. Like many with DID, there have been areas of and moments in my life that were confusing and dysfunctional but I could never figure out why, no matter how hard I tried.

I had periodic bouts of major depression and my memory was sometimes awful. But I didn't seem to experience the hallmarks or stereotypes of DID, like losing time. Although I spent a small fortune on books, seminars, and therapists and looked into the possibility of having DID many times, the clues I had just didn't point me to any certainty and no therapist helped me focus on the potential root cause of my problems. Blocked awareness and inaccessible memories are how DID works. It's a blessing in childhood but disadvantageous later in life.

Several years ago, after trauma memories started coming to me in images and flashbacks and alters began emerging and communicating with me, it was easy to own that I had DID but still hard to fathom how the normal parents and others that I remembered were randomly monstrous abusers of me as a child, psychologically, physically and sexually. I don't think I'll ever be able to fathom how a human being could do these things to a child, a small, innocent person. But it happened. And although it wasn't necessary, I sought and discovered external proof. I'm working in therapy and in life to reverse the damage these warped people caused.

I communicated with a DID teen on this forum and, when it looked like he would become homeless at 19, I hired him as a live-in personal assistant. Almost immediately we came to rely on and support each other the way (good) families do so I adopted him. Really, I adopted them. Now we're all helping one another learn how to attach safely to people. In a way, my son's healing is my revenge by proxy against sick parents -- his and mine.
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Types of alters, categories (updated)

Permanent Linkby Johnny-Jack on Fri Mar 15, 2013 4:59 am

Abuse absent: Marc-Dominic, Daniel, Aaron
Abuse witnessed: Hansel, Sphinx, Edward
Abuse from mother: Carter, Adam, Ashár, Little John
Abuse from father: John, Jack, Jonathan, Max, Johann, Quato, Little John
Abuse from others: Luke, Chase
Accent/Dialect: Jack (Appalachian), Chase (British English)
Angry: Daniel, Quato
Animal: Ashár (wolfdog)
Core (original): Adam
Cross-gender: none
Deceased: Daniel (reanimated Sep 2011)
Former Hosts: Adam, Little John
Fragments: none
Gatekeeper: the Sphinx
Helper: Marc-Dominic, Hansel (of Johann)
Host: John
Introject: none
Moral Dilemma: Edward
Persecutor: none
Protector: Ashár (of Adam), Jack (of John and children), John (of a sibling)
Self-harming: John (mild)
Sexualized: Quato
Shape-shifter: Marc-Dominic
Trickster: Quato
Twins: Hansel, Johann

AGE GROUPS
* 9 Littles (age 0-6): Adam, Edward, Ashár, Little John, Max, Hansel, Johann, Chase, Carter
* 2 Middles (age 7-12): Jack, Luke
* 2 Teens (13-19): Dan, Quato
* 4 Adults: Aaron, Jonathan, John, Marc-Dominic
* 1 Ageless: Sphinx
* 1 Older than body: Marc-Dominic [~15 years older]
* 0 age-sliders: (that we know of)

SEXUAL ORIENTATION
The body's natural orientation is straight male.
* Straight: Jack, Jonathan, Dan, Hansel, Johann, Aaron, Little John, Chase, Carter, Max, Luke
* Straight with gay addictions (changing): Quato
* Gay: John (shifting)
* Bisexual: Marc-Dominic (theoretical)
* Asexual: Sphinx
* Too young/Unknown: Adam, Ashár, Edward

GENDER
All alters are male, none are female. Sphinx is genderless, though if pressed, he selects male as the logical gender.

"SOCIAL STATUS"
There is quite a issue in my system about class, culture and education. It was a stupid distinction but existed in my family of origin as an issue, particularly in my mother, so it shaped who we needed to be:
* HIGH-BROW: Marc-Dominic (sophisticated blue-blood), Jonathan (cultured), John (academic)
* LOW-BROW: Jack (hillbilly), Dan (blue-collar grammar), Quato (street-talking)

Some suggest that there cannot be an original or core in a DID system. This doesn't ring true in many systems. In our system, the evidence is overwhelming that there is an original and no evidence that that's not possible or can be explained in any other way. Because the life was constantly in danger and we had to retain knowledge of what helped keep us alive, we actually have more memories and clearer ones from the first year than from some later years. There is a baby and two alters split off from him in the first half year of life.
* Original/First: Adam
* Created by SPHINX (the gatekeeper): Sphinx, Ashár, Little John, John, Jonathan, Jack, Dan
* Evolved: Johann, Hansel, Quato, Chase, Marc-Dominic, Carter, Aaron, Max, Edward, Luke
The evolved alters were unknown to the gatekeeper until their revelation.

CHARACTERISTICS IN COMMON AMONG ALTERS (as far as we can tell):
* protectiveness towards small children
* monogamy

74 of us. Dx=DID. John, Johnny, Ryder hosts. Sphinx. Gwendolyn 50s. Marc-Dominic, Aaron, Gaul 40s. Jonathan 33. Neville 20. Quato 19. Kyle 16. Ulric, Calvin, Daniel 15. Faolán 14. Hoyt, Cam, Cully, Flynn, Tuck, Abel, Eberly, Will, Gordon, Pehr, Mick/Mxyzptlk 13. Nigel 12. Orval, Jack 11. Abraham, Zane, Ty, Randy 10. Brody 9. Sky, Yanni, Vince, Luke, Hank, Xavi 8. Cole, Matt, Chase 7. Andre, Godwin, Greg, Carter, Estes, Seamus 6. Michael, Caleb, Inky, Kent 5. Casper, Bartholomew, Raisin Annie, Scott, Hansel & Johann, Wats 4. Pip, Max, Little John 3. Erik, Carl, Sheldon, Alvin, Ashár, Henry 2. Edward, Clark, Zeb 1. Adam <1
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Re: Types of alters, categories (updated)

Permanent Linkby Johnny-Jack on Sat Mar 23, 2013 1:04 pm

Note that the original or core I speak of about does not mean that there is a genuine true self in Adam, the baby or core, and that the rest of us are invented or something. It means that he and his personality are pretty much how we were as a baby originally. The other parts of us are just as genuine as he is.

Adam arrived in the present virtually always stuck in flashbacks where he was being choked and couldn't breathe. Once we figured out how to release him from these, by "grabbing" him at the end of the flashback before the flashback faded away, we enabled him as an alter to be in the present. He was at first extremely frightened but over time he began to act exactly like a baby. After he'd been back several months, we were able to compare what we had seen or felt when he was in the body with an eight-month-old infant (like him) of a coworker. The behavior, such as the lack of fine motor control, was so much like Adam's, it all began to make sense that he really was a baby.

The first two alters to arrive after Adam arose as protectors of Adam: Ashar, a wolfpup, and Sphinx, our logical gatekeeper. Both of these are least human so Adam, retaining pretty normal baby characteristics, can logically be defined as the original person/part of us. Human personality is definitely formed over time but anyone who interacts with babies knows they're not really a bunch of disconnected ego states. I await the arrival of a better explanation for early childhood personality development as it applies to DID than I've read so far.
74 of us. Dx=DID. John, Johnny, Ryder hosts. Sphinx. Gwendolyn 50s. Marc-Dominic, Aaron, Gaul 40s. Jonathan 33. Neville 20. Quato 19. Kyle 16. Ulric, Calvin, Daniel 15. Faolán 14. Hoyt, Cam, Cully, Flynn, Tuck, Abel, Eberly, Will, Gordon, Pehr, Mick/Mxyzptlk 13. Nigel 12. Orval, Jack 11. Abraham, Zane, Ty, Randy 10. Brody 9. Sky, Yanni, Vince, Luke, Hank, Xavi 8. Cole, Matt, Chase 7. Andre, Godwin, Greg, Carter, Estes, Seamus 6. Michael, Caleb, Inky, Kent 5. Casper, Bartholomew, Raisin Annie, Scott, Hansel & Johann, Wats 4. Pip, Max, Little John 3. Erik, Carl, Sheldon, Alvin, Ashár, Henry 2. Edward, Clark, Zeb 1. Adam <1
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