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Johnny-Jack's Musings and Some Alter Stories
Hi, all! I finally figured out a few years ago that I am multiple, having suffered yet to some degree succeeded in life with dissociative identity disorder. Like many with DID, there had been areas of and moments in my life that were confusing and dysfunctional but I could never figure out why.

I had periodic depressions and my memory was often poor. But I didn't experience the hallmarks of DID like losing chunks of time. In my search for answers I spent a fortune on books, seminars, and therapists. I considered the possibility of having DID many times, but the clues I had gave me no certainty and no therapist helped me focus on the potential root cause of my problems. Blocked awareness and inaccessible memories are how DID works. A blessing in childhood, problematic later.

Several years ago, trauma memories started coming to me in images and flashbacks, and alters "woke up" and communicated with me. It was easy to admit then that I had DID. I had always felt a bit like a counterfeit. But it was impossible to fathom how the "good" parents I remembered were randomly monstrous abusers of me as a child, psychologically, physically and sexually.

I will never, ever, ever understand how a person, let alone a parent, can hurt a small, innocent, utterly defenseless child, not once but hundreds of time. It is contrary to the most basic human instinct to nurture and protect one's offspring. But it happened. Though it wasn't necessary, I sought and discovered external proof it happened. Now I work in therapy and in life to reverse the damage these warped people caused.

In 2011 I began communicating with a teen with DID and, when it looked like he would become homeless, I hired him from across the country -- knowing it would be a challenge -- as a live-in personal assistant to cook, drive and run errands. We soon began to rely on and support each other the way healthy families do, so I adopted him. Really, I adopted them, dozens of sons and daughters.

Over the years we've learned how to attach to another person, safely and in a family context. I sometimes feel rage when I think about his parents or mine. Still, both of us are prospering. Living well is the best revenge.
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how we avoided an internal war
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the arrival of the last alters in the body

Permanent Linkby Johnny-Jack on Fri Sep 30, 2011 1:34 am

Sept. 2011: In the last few days I've met three new alters, sort of. Dan (misheard from Sphinx as Dack) has been "dead" since the body was age 9 but I inadvertently re-awakened him by imaging how I might tell him that he just thinks he died. I knew this was possible after my gatekeeper used the words "and one who believes he is dead" to describe Dan. Dan is young, older than age 9 (maybe he was created as older?), full of incredible energy, somehow has full knowledge of everything that's been going on in the meantime (rather, he can access that memory quickly), and doesn't seem to be the potentially "bad" alter we "killed" so many years ago. We're wary but hopeful. He does seem angry! Because he came into the body for a time, we got to see how he felt, more what he was like than if he simply spoke to us internally, which he did only a day before. He was "begat" from Jack, so perhaps he's always been able to rely on Jack's memory and so knows all that Jack knows. It did seem to be knowledge at a child's level of understanding.

We also met the two twins Hansel & Johann. They are adorable, as any four-year-olds are. They spoke to me during journaling before but this morning they actually took over the body, swapping with one another because they are twins and share everything, for the long walk to work. So I know them experientially too now. Hansel is perpetually optimistic and Johann is emotionally injured and wary but bouyed by Hansel's good cheer. Jack was the one who pushed them forward into the body rather than him doing his normal walk. He's just great with the youngest ones and accepts his role as "big brother" readily because that's what these kids need.

This on top of Quato beginning to come into the body just about 4-6 weeks ago? I think the only one who hadn't been in the body was Marc Dominic and I'm pretty sure he was an internal alter. Marc became the last alter to step into the body (at least when I've been aware and co-conscious) in early October. So that's everybody with experience. I know what every one "feels" like now. I like them all.

Aaron came into the body as a unique, identifiable, separate alter in February 2012, although we believe he's been around before. Charles, a hurt child, is very newly known and he took over and walked a few blocks in March 2012.
Last edited by Johnny-Jack on Sat Mar 24, 2012 12:44 am, edited 6 times in total.

Dx = DID. My blog. My personal Periodic Table of 78 alters.
Ab Ad Al Am An Ar As Ba Be Br Ca Cb Ch Cl Cm Cn Co Cp Ct Cu Cv D Eb Ed Er Es F Fl Ga Gd Go Gr Gw He Hk Hs Ht I J Jh Jk Jn Jy Ke Ki Kn Ky Li Lu Md Mi Mt Mx Mz Ne Ni O Pe Pi Q Ra Rd Ry Sc Se Sh Sk Sx Tk Ty U V Wa Wi X Y Ze Zn

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