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Hi, everybody! I finally figured out a few years ago that I was multiple, having suffered yet to some degree succeeded in life with dissociative identity disorder. Like many with DID, there have been areas of and moments in my life that were confusing and dysfunctional but I could never figure out why, no matter how hard I tried.

I had periodic bouts of major depression and my memory was sometimes awful. But I didn't seem to experience the hallmarks or stereotypes of DID, like losing time. Although I spent a small fortune on books, seminars, and therapists and looked into the possibility of having DID many times, the clues I had just didn't point me to any certainty and no therapist helped me focus on the potential root cause of my problems. Blocked awareness and inaccessible memories are how DID works. It's a blessing in childhood but disadvantageous later in life.

Several years ago, after trauma memories started coming to me in images and flashbacks and alters began emerging and communicating with me, it was easy to own that I had DID but still hard to fathom how the normal parents and others that I remembered were randomly monstrous abusers of me as a child, psychologically, physically and sexually. I don't think I'll ever be able to fathom how a human being could do these things to a child, a small, innocent person. But it happened. And although it wasn't necessary, I sought and discovered external proof. I'm working in therapy and in life to reverse the damage these warped people caused.

I communicated with a DID teen on this forum and, when it looked like he would become homeless at 19, I hired him as a live-in personal assistant. Almost immediately we came to rely on and support each other the way (good) families do so I adopted him. Really, I adopted them. Now we're all helping one another learn how to attach safely to people. In a way, my son's healing is my revenge by proxy against sick parents -- his and mine.
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- November 2018
programming: how my abuser silenced me
   Sun Nov 04, 2018 12:38 am

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the arrival of the last alters in the body

Permanent Linkby Johnny-Jack on Fri Sep 30, 2011 1:34 am

Sept. 2011: In the last few days I've met three new alters, sort of. Dan (misheard from Sphinx as Dack) has been "dead" since the body was age 9 but I inadvertently re-awakened him by imaging how I might tell him that he just thinks he died. I knew this was possible after my gatekeeper used the words "and one who believes he is dead" to describe Dan. Dan is young, older than age 9 (maybe he was created as older?), full of incredible energy, somehow has full knowledge of everything that's been going on in the meantime (rather, he can access that memory quickly), and doesn't seem to be the potentially "bad" alter we "killed" so many years ago. We're wary but hopeful. He does seem angry! Because he came into the body for a time, we got to see how he felt, more what he was like than if he simply spoke to us internally, which he did only a day before. He was "begat" from Jack, so perhaps he's always been able to rely on Jack's memory and so knows all that Jack knows. It did seem to be knowledge at a child's level of understanding.

We also met the two twins Hansel & Johann. They are adorable, as any four-year-olds are. They spoke to me during journaling before but this morning they actually took over the body, swapping with one another because they are twins and share everything, for the long walk to work. So I know them experientially too now. Hansel is perpetually optimistic and Johann is emotionally injured and wary but bouyed by Hansel's good cheer. Jack was the one who pushed them forward into the body rather than him doing his normal walk. He's just great with the youngest ones and accepts his role as "big brother" readily because that's what these kids need.

This on top of Quato beginning to come into the body just about 4-6 weeks ago? I think the only one who hadn't been in the body was Marc Dominic and I'm pretty sure he was an internal alter. Marc became the last alter to step into the body (at least when I've been aware and co-conscious) in early October. So that's everybody with experience. I know what every one "feels" like now. I like them all.

Aaron came into the body as a unique, identifiable, separate alter in February 2012, although we believe he's been around before. Charles, a hurt child, is very newly known and he took over and walked a few blocks in March 2012.
Last edited by Johnny-Jack on Sat Mar 24, 2012 12:44 am, edited 6 times in total.

75 of us. Dx=DID. John, Johnny, Ryder hosts. Sphinx. Gwendolyn 50s. Marc-Dominic, Aaron, Gaul 40s. Jonathan 33. Neville 20. Quato 19. Kyle 16. Ulric, Calvin, Daniel 15. Faolán 14. Mick/Mxyzptlk, Hoyt, Eberly, Flynn, Cam, Cully, Abel, Will, Tuck, Gordon, Pehr 13. Nigel 12. Orval, Jack 11. Abraham, Zane, Ty, Randy 10. Brody 9. Sky, Yanni, Vince, Luke, Hank, Xavi 8. Cole, Matt, Chase 7. Andre, Godwin, Greg, Carter, Estes, Seamus 6. Michael, Caleb, Inky, Kent 5. twins Hansel & Johann, Bartholomew, Casper, Raisin Annie, Scott, Wats 4. Pip, Max, Little John 3. Erik, Carl, Sheldon, Ben, Alvin, Ashár, Henry 2. Edward, Clark 1. Zeb, Adam <1
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