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Johnny-Jack's Musings and Some Alter Stories
Hi, all! I finally figured out a few years ago that I am multiple, having suffered yet to some degree succeeded in life with dissociative identity disorder. Like many with DID, there had been areas of and moments in my life that were confusing and dysfunctional but I could never figure out why.

I had periodic depressions and my memory was often poor. But I didn't experience the hallmarks of DID like losing chunks of time. In my search for answers I spent a fortune on books, seminars, and therapists. I considered the possibility of having DID many times, but the clues I had gave me no certainty and no therapist helped me focus on the potential root cause of my problems. Blocked awareness and inaccessible memories are how DID works. A blessing in childhood, problematic later.

Several years ago, trauma memories started coming to me in images and flashbacks, and alters "woke up" and communicated with me. It was easy to admit then that I had DID. I had always felt a bit like a counterfeit. But it was impossible to fathom how the "good" parents I remembered were randomly monstrous abusers of me as a child, psychologically, physically and sexually.

I will never, ever, ever understand how a person, let alone a parent, can hurt a small, innocent, utterly defenseless child, not once but hundreds of time. It is contrary to the most basic human instinct to nurture and protect one's offspring. But it happened. Though it wasn't necessary, I sought and discovered external proof it happened. Now I work in therapy and in life to reverse the damage these warped people caused.

In 2011 I began communicating with a teen with DID and, when it looked like he would become homeless, I hired him from across the country -- knowing it would be a challenge -- as a live-in personal assistant to cook, drive and run errands. We soon began to rely on and support each other the way healthy families do, so I adopted him. Really, I adopted them, dozens of sons and daughters.

Over the years we've learned how to attach to another person, safely and in a family context. I sometimes feel rage when I think about his parents or mine. Still, both of us are prospering. Living well is the best revenge.
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how we avoided an internal war
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Some thinking from Mxyzptlk or Mick

Permanent Linkby Johnny-Jack on Wed Dec 02, 2015 1:03 am

I don't like my name anymore, it's too much but it's mine. It works in Superman comics and Smallville but maybe not for a real person you know? I'm going by Mick because it's the first sounds of Mxyzptlk when you say it right. A couple others guys here changed their names so I can too. And I'm not sure Raisin Annie likes the Raisin part but she hasn't asked to change it. Who wants half your name to be a dried fruit. I got tired of a name with no vowels that took you a long time to say.

My head feels funny but I think we figured something out. I may have spent more time in front than anybody for a lot of years. That's what we're thinking. If it's right it's a pretty huge surprise but it makes a lot of things make sense. We've had a habit of just doing something like on a computer for hours and at the end of the day John wonders why he didn't get anything done, why he didn't have the willpower or something. I guess it's been my way to use up our time and stay calm. So maybe if John was trying to do just about anything and he got stressed out or somebody got triggered from inside and that affected him, I would take over and start doing my thing. John described what I was doing as obsessive stuff but I just like to be calm and I know how. John or Johnny, one of them or both noticed there was something juvenile about the stubbornness of how we did this obsessive stuff. Our body is middle aged and I'm a teenager so that fits.

Now maybe I was just influencing the main guys John and Johnny a lot because our body acted like them, like a grown man not me. Now we got a better picture of what's going on and I can be out in control of our body on my own, well I move like me, not like them. I got a lot of energy too so maybe I could help with getting stuff done if I was to do it. Nobody is trying to take over from me right now and I bet I can pretty much keep control if I want because I have so much experience at it. If I was the governor here, I'd let the little kids out all day not the old men, ha ha.

I didn't know it was me doing all this either. Well I was doing it but I didn't think, hey, I'm not our host.W We didn't know for years we were multiple, we didn't know there was a we. When anybody took over, we just thought "I" was doing something and we were all I. For years I just did my thing and I'm pretty good at keeping things relaxed, even if I didn't get much done. Now we got to change things because the jig is up.


Dx = DID. My blog. My personal Periodic Table of 78 alters.
Ab Ad Al Am An Ar As Ba Be Br Ca Cb Ch Cl Cm Cn Co Cp Ct Cu Cv D Eb Ed Er Es F Fl Ga Gd Go Gr Gw He Hk Hs Ht I J Jh Jk Jn Jy Ke Ki Kn Ky Li Lu Md Mi Mt Mx Mz Ne Ni O Pe Pi Q Ra Rd Ry Sc Se Sh Sk Sx Tk Ty U V Wa Wi X Y Ze Zn

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