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Hi, everybody! I finally figured out a few years ago that I was multiple, having suffered yet to some degree succeeded in life with dissociative identity disorder. Like many with DID, there have been areas of and moments in my life that were confusing and dysfunctional but I could never figure out why, no matter how hard I tried.

I had periodic bouts of major depression and my memory was sometimes awful. But I didn't seem to experience the hallmarks or stereotypes of DID, like losing time. Although I spent a small fortune on books, seminars, and therapists and looked into the possibility of having DID many times, the clues I had just didn't point me to any certainty and no therapist helped me focus on the potential root cause of my problems. Blocked awareness and inaccessible memories are how DID works. It's a blessing in childhood but disadvantageous later in life.

Several years ago, after trauma memories started coming to me in images and flashbacks and alters began emerging and communicating with me, it was easy to own that I had DID but still hard to fathom how the normal parents and others that I remembered were randomly monstrous abusers of me as a child, psychologically, physically and sexually. I don't think I'll ever be able to fathom how a human being could do these things to a child, a small, innocent person. But it happened. And although it wasn't necessary, I sought and discovered external proof. I'm working in therapy and in life to reverse the damage these warped people caused.

I communicated with a DID teen on this forum and, when it looked like he would become homeless at 19, I hired him as a live-in personal assistant. Almost immediately we came to rely on and support each other the way (good) families do so I adopted him. Really, I adopted them. Now we're all helping one another learn how to attach safely to people. In a way, my son's healing is my revenge by proxy against sick parents -- his and mine.
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Johnny-Jack
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programming: how my abuser silenced me
   Sun Nov 04, 2018 12:38 am

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Some thinking from Mxyzptlk or Mick

Permanent Linkby Johnny-Jack on Wed Dec 02, 2015 1:03 am

I don't like my name anymore, it's too much but it's mine. It works in Superman comics and Smallville but maybe not for a real person you know? I'm going by Mick because it's the first sounds of Mxyzptlk when you say it right. A couple others guys here changed their names so I can too. And I'm not sure Raisin Annie likes the Raisin part but she hasn't asked to change it. Who wants half your name to be a dried fruit. I got tired of a name with no vowels that took you a long time to say.

My head feels funny but I think we figured something out. I may have spent more time in front than anybody for a lot of years. That's what we're thinking. If it's right it's a pretty huge surprise but it makes a lot of things make sense. We've had a habit of just doing something like on a computer for hours and at the end of the day John wonders why he didn't get anything done, why he didn't have the willpower or something. I guess it's been my way to use up our time and stay calm. So maybe if John was trying to do just about anything and he got stressed out or somebody got triggered from inside and that affected him, I would take over and start doing my thing. John described what I was doing as obsessive stuff but I just like to be calm and I know how. John or Johnny, one of them or both noticed there was something juvenile about the stubbornness of how we did this obsessive stuff. Our body is middle aged and I'm a teenager so that fits.

Now maybe I was just influencing the main guys John and Johnny a lot because our body acted like them, like a grown man not me. Now we got a better picture of what's going on and I can be out in control of our body on my own, well I move like me, not like them. I got a lot of energy too so maybe I could help with getting stuff done if I was to do it. Nobody is trying to take over from me right now and I bet I can pretty much keep control if I want because I have so much experience at it. If I was the governor here, I'd let the little kids out all day not the old men, ha ha.

I didn't know it was me doing all this either. Well I was doing it but I didn't think, hey, I'm not our host.W We didn't know for years we were multiple, we didn't know there was a we. When anybody took over, we just thought "I" was doing something and we were all I. For years I just did my thing and I'm pretty good at keeping things relaxed, even if I didn't get much done. Now we got to change things because the jig is up.

Mick

74 of us. Dx=DID. John, Johnny, Ryder hosts. Sphinx. Gwendolyn 50s. Marc-Dominic, Aaron, Gaul 40s. Jonathan 33. Neville 20. Quato 19. Kyle 16. Ulric, Calvin, Daniel 15. Faolán 14. Hoyt, Cam, Cully, Flynn, Tuck, Abel, Eberly, Will, Gordon, Pehr, Mick/Mxyzptlk 13. Nigel 12. Orval, Jack 11. Abraham, Zane, Ty, Randy 10. Brody 9. Sky, Yanni, Vince, Luke, Hank, Xavi 8. Cole, Matt, Chase 7. Andre, Godwin, Greg, Carter, Estes, Seamus 6. Michael, Caleb, Inky, Kent 5. Casper, Bartholomew, Raisin Annie, Scott, Hansel & Johann, Wats 4. Pip, Max, Little John 3. Erik, Carl, Sheldon, Alvin, Ashár, Henry 2. Edward, Clark, Zeb 1. Adam <1
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