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Johnny-Jack's Musings and Some Alter Stories
Hi, all! I finally figured out a few years ago that I am multiple, having suffered yet to some degree succeeded in life with dissociative identity disorder. Like many with DID, there had been areas of and moments in my life that were confusing and dysfunctional but I could never figure out why.

I had periodic depressions and my memory was often poor. But I didn't experience the hallmarks of DID like losing chunks of time. I spent a small fortune on books, seminars, and therapists. I looked into the possibility of having DID many times, but the clues gave me no certainty and no therapist helped me focus on the potential root cause of my problems. Blocked awareness and inaccessible memories are how DID works. A blessing in childhood, problematic later.

Several years ago, trauma memories started coming to me in images and flashbacks, and alters "woke up" and communicated with me. It was easy to admit that I had DID -- I had always felt a bit like a counterfeit -- but really hard to fathom how the "good" parents I remembered were randomly monstrous abusers of me as a child, psychologically, physically and sexually.

I will never, ever, ever understand how a person can hurt a small, innocent, utterly defenseless child, especially their own child, and not once but hundreds of time. It seems contrary to every human instinct. But it happened. And though it wasn't necessary, I sought and discovered external proof it happened. Now I work in therapy and in life to reverse the damage these warped people caused.

In 2011 I began communicating with a teen with DID and, when it looked like he would become homeless, I hired him, knowing it would be a challenge, as a live-in personal assistant for cooking, errands and driving. We quickly began to rely on and support each other the way healthy families do, so a couple years later I adopted him. Really, I adopted them. Over the years we've learned how to attach to another person, safely and in a family context. The best revenge is living well.
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Pip (Phillip). Alter #33

Permanent Linkby Johnny-Jack on Sat Jan 10, 2015 1:04 pm

We met little Pip yesterday noon. He is almost 4.

I got a haircut and was doing errands before taking a bus home. I felt a littleness in my body so stepped aside to make room. A boy slipped in front, confused and nervous but not fearful as most others arrive. We grew up in a small town so the busy city is daunting for everyone new. He wanted to sit on a nearby bench and I encouraged him.

As we shopped, we switched back and forth a bit. When I wasn't making adult decisions, like which light bulb to buy, when we were just walking from point to point, it was him.

Sphinx confirmed he was previously unknown but I had no sense of his being traumatized. Names began floating by, like an old rolodex flipping, and the name Phillip was there. Then I heard Pip and that was a lock too.

What I think we learned. Pip was the one who from age 2 to 4 planned running away. As an orphan who lived with mean relatives (the parents), he was detached enough to justify leaving. I once journaled that we planned our escape many times but never recalled my doing that.

Pip's long trudge home on foot felt like running away had begun. Passing strange buildings, the cold snow blowing in his face, he was alone, an orphan. It was real but he wasn't so afraid, just determined to figure things out. How to survive here, how far to go before finding food and shelter, who looked safe, what lies to tell so they couldn't send him home.

I told him we had sort of run away. I said we lived far away from home in a new town and had our own house. He asked who I was and where was I talking to him from. I said inside and after a while he seemed to accept that. Children live in a world of full of wonders, like disembodied voices guiding them to safety.

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Dx = DID. My blog. My personal Periodic Table of alters.
Ab Ad Al Am An Ar As Ba Be Br Ca Cb Ch Cl Cm Cn Co Cp Ct Cu Cv D Eb Ed Er Es F Fl Ga Gd Go Gr Gw He Hk Hs Ht I J Jh Jk Jn Jy Ke Ki Kn Ky Li Lu Md Mi Mt Mx Mz Ne Ni O Pe Pi Q Ra Rd Ry Sc Se Sh Sk Sx Tk Ty U V Wa Wi X Y Ze Zn
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Re: Pip (Phillip). Alter #33

Permanent Linkby Johnny-Jack on Wed Mar 25, 2020 11:40 am

Five years after this post, we learn a lot more about Pip and why he's here with us.
https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Johnny-Jack/pip_%28phillip%29._alter_33_b-7893.html
Forum rules

Dx = DID. My blog. My personal Periodic Table of alters.
Ab Ad Al Am An Ar As Ba Be Br Ca Cb Ch Cl Cm Cn Co Cp Ct Cu Cv D Eb Ed Er Es F Fl Ga Gd Go Gr Gw He Hk Hs Ht I J Jh Jk Jn Jy Ke Ki Kn Ky Li Lu Md Mi Mt Mx Mz Ne Ni O Pe Pi Q Ra Rd Ry Sc Se Sh Sk Sx Tk Ty U V Wa Wi X Y Ze Zn
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