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Hi, everybody! I finally figured out a few years ago that I was multiple, having suffered yet to some degree succeeded in life with dissociative identity disorder. Like many with DID, there have been areas of and moments in my life that were confusing and dysfunctional but I could never figure out why, no matter how hard I tried.

I had periodic bouts of major depression and my memory was sometimes awful. But I didn't seem to experience the hallmarks or stereotypes of DID, like losing time. Although I spent a small fortune on books, seminars, and therapists and looked into the possibility of having DID many times, the clues I had just didn't point me to any certainty and no therapist helped me focus on the potential root cause of my problems. Blocked awareness and inaccessible memories are how DID works. It's a blessing in childhood but disadvantageous later in life.

Several years ago, after trauma memories started coming to me in images and flashbacks and alters began emerging and communicating with me, it was easy to own that I had DID but still hard to fathom how the normal parents and others that I remembered were randomly monstrous abusers of me as a child, psychologically, physically and sexually. I don't think I'll ever be able to fathom how a human being could do these things to a child, a small, innocent person. But it happened. And although it wasn't necessary, I sought and discovered external proof. I'm working in therapy and in life to reverse the damage these warped people caused.

I communicated with a DID teen on this forum and, when it looked like he would become homeless at 19, I hired him as a live-in personal assistant. Almost immediately we came to rely on and support each other the way (good) families do so I adopted him. Really, I adopted them. Now we're all helping one another learn how to attach safely to people. In a way, my son's healing is my revenge by proxy against sick parents -- his and mine.
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Johnny-Jack
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programming: how my abuser silenced me
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Pip (Phillip). Alter #33

Permanent Linkby Johnny-Jack on Sat Jan 10, 2015 1:04 pm

We met little Pip yesterday noon. He is almost 4.

I got a haircut and was doing errands before taking a bus home. I felt a littleness in my body so stepped aside to make room. A boy slipped in front, confused and nervous but not fearful as most others arrive. We grew up in a small town so the busy city is daunting for everyone new. He wanted to sit on a nearby bench and I encouraged him.

As we shopped, we switched back and forth a bit. When I wasn't making adult decisions, like which light bulb to buy, when we were just walking from point to point, it was him.

Sphinx confirmed he was previously unknown but I had no sense of his being traumatized. Names began floating by, like an old rolodex flipping, and the name Phillip was there. Then I heard Pip and that was a lock too.

What I think we learned. Pip was the one who from age 2 to 4 planned running away. As an orphan who lived with mean relatives (the parents), he was detached enough to justify leaving. I once journaled that we planned our escape many times but never recalled my doing that.

Pip's long trudge home on foot felt like running away had begun. Passing strange buildings, the cold snow blowing in his face, he was alone, an orphan. It was real but he wasn't so afraid, just determined to figure things out. How to survive here, how far to go before finding food and shelter, who looked safe, what lies to tell so they couldn't send him home.

I told him we had sort of run away. I said we lived far away from home in a new town and had our own house. He asked who I was and where was I talking to him from. I said inside and after a while he seemed to accept that. Children live in a world of full of wonders, like disembodied voices guiding them to safety.

74 of us. Dx=DID. John, Johnny, Ryder hosts. Sphinx. Gwendolyn 50s. Marc-Dominic, Aaron, Gaul 40s. Jonathan 33. Neville 20. Quato 19. Kyle 16. Ulric, Calvin, Daniel 15. Faolán 14. Hoyt, Cam, Cully, Flynn, Tuck, Abel, Eberly, Will, Gordon, Pehr, Mick/Mxyzptlk 13. Nigel 12. Orval, Jack 11. Abraham, Zane, Ty, Randy 10. Brody 9. Sky, Yanni, Vince, Luke, Hank, Xavi 8. Cole, Matt, Chase 7. Andre, Godwin, Greg, Carter, Estes, Seamus 6. Michael, Caleb, Inky, Kent 5. Casper, Bartholomew, Raisin Annie, Scott, Hansel & Johann, Wats 4. Pip, Max, Little John 3. Erik, Carl, Sheldon, Alvin, Ashár, Henry 2. Edward, Clark, Zeb 1. Adam <1
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