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Johnny-Jack's Musings and Some Alter Stories
Hi, all! I finally figured out a few years ago that I am multiple, having suffered yet to some degree succeeded in life with dissociative identity disorder. Like many with DID, there had been areas of and moments in my life that were confusing and dysfunctional but I could never figure out why.

I had periodic depressions and my memory was often poor. But I didn't experience the hallmarks of DID like losing chunks of time. I spent a small fortune on books, seminars, and therapists. I looked into the possibility of having DID many times, but the clues gave me no certainty and no therapist helped me focus on the potential root cause of my problems. Blocked awareness and inaccessible memories are how DID works. A blessing in childhood, problematic later.

Several years ago, trauma memories started coming to me in images and flashbacks, and alters "woke up" and communicated with me. It was easy to admit that I had DID -- I had always felt a bit like a counterfeit -- but really hard to fathom how the "good" parents I remembered were randomly monstrous abusers of me as a child, psychologically, physically and sexually.

I will never, ever, ever understand how a person can hurt a small, innocent, utterly defenseless child, especially their own child, and not once but hundreds of time. It seems contrary to every human instinct. But it happened. And though it wasn't necessary, I sought and discovered external proof it happened. Now I work in therapy and in life to reverse the damage these warped people caused.

In 2011 I began communicating with a teen with DID and, when it looked like he would become homeless, I hired him, knowing it would be a challenge, as a live-in personal assistant for cooking, errands and driving. We quickly began to rely on and support each other the way healthy families do, so a couple years later I adopted him. Really, I adopted them. Over the years we've learned how to attach to another person, safely and in a family context. The best revenge is living well.
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Johnny-Jack
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Nigel reads

Permanent Linkby Johnny-Jack on Mon Sep 08, 2014 2:17 am

Nigel is the one who reads aloud in an English accent from any book I can't concentrate on. And it really works. For months I got him completely mixed up with Ty, who's spoken with the same accent, and with Chase, whose name was then Charles. Chase cried as he explained in an English accent that he no longer wanted to be associated with his abuser, our English grandfather whose middle name was Charles. On his next visit, his name was Chase and the English accent was gone.

The English accent has always seemed too good, too easy to do. With English grandparents, yeah, not surprising for someone with DID. But why a reader alter? I don't think he's traumatized at all. It's such a simple task. But I was raised to be an inveterate reader. So not being able to focus for any reason was not an option. Reading was our escape when the world around us made no sense, when everything hurt, when I was losing time and my days were slivers of time here and there. We lived for books, we still do. So I guess Nigel was necessary. When I couldn't focus, we needed someone detached, to keep the story flowing. That it was done in an English accent made it pleasant to listen to, not me.

I wonder how many others out there, multiple or not, read to themselves aloud in a different accent. Does it help them concentrate as it's always done for me. Thanks, Nigel. But I do want to know you as more than just a reader, just as I'm coming to know Faolan. I want to know who you are.

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Dx = DID. My blog. My personal Periodic Table of alters.
Ab Ad Al Am An Ar As Ba Be Br Ca Cb Ch Cl Cm Cn Co Cp Ct Cu Cv D Eb Ed Er Es F Fl Ga Gd Go Gr Gw He Hk Hs Ht I J Jh Jk Jn Jy Ke Ki Kn Ky Li Lu Md Mi Mt Mx Mz Ne Ni O Pe Pi Q Ra Rd Ry Sc Se Sh Sk Sx Tk Ty U V Wa Wi X Y Ze Zn
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Re: Nigel reads

Permanent Linkby Johnny-Jack on Fri Jun 23, 2017 2:14 am

Well, we've gotten Nigel and Neville mixed up as alters a lot, mixed up their names. So this post is all about Neville, not Nigel! At the moment I don't recall whether Nigel used to have an English accent but Neville always did. It sounds weird to say accent when our experience is that Neville is English, not that he has some accent. Two grandparents were born and raised in England so being English was very familiar and real. Similarly, Jack speaks Appalachian English because he spent time with an old man from eastern Kentucky.
Forum rules

Dx = DID. My blog. My personal Periodic Table of alters.
Ab Ad Al Am An Ar As Ba Be Br Ca Cb Ch Cl Cm Cn Co Cp Ct Cu Cv D Eb Ed Er Es F Fl Ga Gd Go Gr Gw He Hk Hs Ht I J Jh Jk Jn Jy Ke Ki Kn Ky Li Lu Md Mi Mt Mx Mz Ne Ni O Pe Pi Q Ra Rd Ry Sc Se Sh Sk Sx Tk Ty U V Wa Wi X Y Ze Zn
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Johnny-Jack
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