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Hi, everybody! I finally figured out a few years ago that I was multiple, having suffered yet to some degree succeeded in life with dissociative identity disorder. Like many with DID, there have been areas of and moments in my life that were confusing and dysfunctional but I could never figure out why, no matter how hard I tried.

I had periodic bouts of major depression and my memory was sometimes awful. But I didn't seem to experience the hallmarks or stereotypes of DID, like losing time. Although I spent a small fortune on books, seminars, and therapists and looked into the possibility of having DID many times, the clues I had just didn't point me to any certainty and no therapist helped me focus on the potential root cause of my problems. Blocked awareness and inaccessible memories are how DID works. It's a blessing in childhood but disadvantageous later in life.

Several years ago, after trauma memories started coming to me in images and flashbacks and alters began emerging and communicating with me, it was easy to own that I had DID but still hard to fathom how the normal parents and others that I remembered were randomly monstrous abusers of me as a child, psychologically, physically and sexually. I don't think I'll ever be able to fathom how a human being could do these things to a child, a small, innocent person. But it happened. And although it wasn't necessary, I sought and discovered external proof. I'm working in therapy and in life to reverse the damage these warped people caused.

I communicated with a DID teen on this forum and, when it looked like he would become homeless at 19, I hired him as a live-in personal assistant. Almost immediately we came to rely on and support each other the way (good) families do so I adopted him. Really, I adopted them. Now we're all helping one another learn how to attach safely to people. In a way, my son's healing is my revenge by proxy against sick parents -- his and mine.
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programming: how my abuser silenced me
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Nigel reads

Permanent Linkby Johnny-Jack on Mon Sep 08, 2014 2:17 am

Nigel is the one who reads aloud in an English accent from any book I can't concentrate on. And it really works. For months I got him completely mixed up with Ty, who's spoken with the same accent, and with Chase, whose name was then Charles. Chase cried as he explained in an English accent that he no longer wanted to be associated with his abuser, our English grandfather whose middle name was Charles. On his next visit, his name was Chase and the English accent was gone.

The English accent has always seemed too good, too easy to do. With English grandparents, yeah, not surprising for someone with DID. But why a reader alter? I don't think he's traumatized at all. It's such a simple task. But I was raised to be an inveterate reader. So not being able to focus for any reason was not an option. Reading was our escape when the world around us made no sense, when everything hurt, when I was losing time and my days were slivers of time here and there. We lived for books, we still do. So I guess Nigel was necessary. When I couldn't focus, we needed someone detached, to keep the story flowing. That it was done in an English accent made it pleasant to listen to, not me.

I wonder how many others out there, multiple or not, read to themselves aloud in a different accent. Does it help them concentrate as it's always done for me. Thanks, Nigel. But I do want to know you as more than just a reader, just as I'm coming to know Faolan. I want to know who you are.

74 of us. Dx=DID. John, Johnny, Ryder hosts. Sphinx. Gwendolyn 50s. Marc-Dominic, Aaron, Gaul 40s. Jonathan 33. Neville 20. Quato 19. Kyle 16. Ulric, Calvin, Daniel 15. Faolán 14. Hoyt, Cam, Cully, Flynn, Tuck, Abel, Eberly, Will, Gordon, Pehr, Mick/Mxyzptlk 13. Nigel 12. Orval, Jack 11. Abraham, Zane, Ty, Randy 10. Brody 9. Sky, Yanni, Vince, Luke, Hank, Xavi 8. Cole, Matt, Chase 7. Andre, Godwin, Greg, Carter, Estes, Seamus 6. Michael, Caleb, Inky, Kent 5. Casper, Bartholomew, Raisin Annie, Scott, Hansel & Johann, Wats 4. Pip, Max, Little John 3. Erik, Carl, Sheldon, Alvin, Ashár, Henry 2. Edward, Clark, Zeb 1. Adam <1
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Re: Nigel reads

Permanent Linkby Johnny-Jack on Fri Jun 23, 2017 2:14 am

Well, we've gotten Nigel and Neville mixed up as alters a lot, mixed up their names. So this post is all about Neville, not Nigel! At the moment I don't recall whether Nigel used to have an English accent but Neville always did. It sounds weird to say accent when our experience is that Neville is English, not that he has some accent. Two grandparents were born and raised in England so being English was very familiar and real. Similarly, Jack speaks Appalachian English because he spent time with an old man from eastern Kentucky.
74 of us. Dx=DID. John, Johnny, Ryder hosts. Sphinx. Gwendolyn 50s. Marc-Dominic, Aaron, Gaul 40s. Jonathan 33. Neville 20. Quato 19. Kyle 16. Ulric, Calvin, Daniel 15. Faolán 14. Hoyt, Cam, Cully, Flynn, Tuck, Abel, Eberly, Will, Gordon, Pehr, Mick/Mxyzptlk 13. Nigel 12. Orval, Jack 11. Abraham, Zane, Ty, Randy 10. Brody 9. Sky, Yanni, Vince, Luke, Hank, Xavi 8. Cole, Matt, Chase 7. Andre, Godwin, Greg, Carter, Estes, Seamus 6. Michael, Caleb, Inky, Kent 5. Casper, Bartholomew, Raisin Annie, Scott, Hansel & Johann, Wats 4. Pip, Max, Little John 3. Erik, Carl, Sheldon, Alvin, Ashár, Henry 2. Edward, Clark, Zeb 1. Adam <1
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