Our partner

Johnny-Jack's Musings and Some Alter Stories
Hi, all! I finally figured out a few years ago that I am multiple, having suffered yet to some degree succeeded in life with dissociative identity disorder. Like many with DID, there had been areas of and moments in my life that were confusing and dysfunctional but I could never figure out why.

I had periodic depressions and my memory was often poor. But I didn't experience the hallmarks of DID like losing chunks of time. I spent a small fortune on books, seminars, and therapists. I looked into the possibility of having DID many times, but the clues gave me no certainty and no therapist helped me focus on the potential root cause of my problems. Blocked awareness and inaccessible memories are how DID works. A blessing in childhood, problematic later.

Several years ago, trauma memories started coming to me in images and flashbacks, and alters "woke up" and communicated with me. It was easy to admit that I had DID -- I had always felt a bit like a counterfeit -- but really hard to fathom how the "good" parents I remembered were randomly monstrous abusers of me as a child, psychologically, physically and sexually.

I will never, ever, ever understand how a person can hurt a small, innocent, utterly defenseless child, especially their own child, and not once but hundreds of time. It seems contrary to every human instinct. But it happened. And though it wasn't necessary, I sought and discovered external proof it happened. Now I work in therapy and in life to reverse the damage these warped people caused.

In 2011 I began communicating with a teen with DID and, when it looked like he would become homeless, I hired him, knowing it would be a challenge, as a live-in personal assistant for cooking, errands and driving. We quickly began to rely on and support each other the way healthy families do, so a couple years later I adopted him. Really, I adopted them. Over the years we've learned how to attach to another person, safely and in a family context. The best revenge is living well.
User avatar
Johnny-Jack
Moderator: Consumer
Moderator: Consumer
 
Posts: 3210
Joined: Sun May 29, 2011 3:07 pm
Blog: View Blog (45)
Archives
- March 2020
how we avoided an internal war
   Sat Mar 28, 2020 2:44 am

+ February 2020
+ January 2020
+ September 2019
+ November 2018
+ October 2018
+ January 2018
+ October 2017
+ July 2017
+ June 2017
+ May 2017
+ April 2017
+ January 2017
+ December 2016
+ September 2015
+ July 2015
+ April 2015
+ March 2015
+ January 2015
+ October 2014
+ September 2014
+ August 2014
+ April 2014
+ October 2013
+ August 2013
+ March 2013
+ December 2012
+ May 2012
+ April 2012
+ March 2012
+ November 2011
+ September 2011
+ August 2011
+ July 2011
Search Blogs

my groupings

Permanent Linkby Johnny-Jack on Wed Jan 11, 2017 5:56 am

Here is a list of groupings of our alters based on characteristics or similarities. Many grouping indicate a phenomenon or issue that was significant in our childhood. For instance, the dichotomy between high class and low class mirrors a preoccupation in the mother and grandmother.

Hosts: Johnny, John, Ryder (near host)
Former hosts: Adam, Carter, Max (?), Jonathan, Jack (near host)
Heavy influencers: Gwendolyn, Marc-Dominic, Mick/Mxyzptlk (?)
Females: Raisin Annie, Gwendolyn

Lost boys: Henry, Scott, Casper
Not quite human: Sphinx (android), Ulric (bogeyman), Ashar (wolfdog), Casper (ghost)
Dead: Ulric ("by choice"), Casper, Daniel (revived)

Morals/ethics (primary): Edward, Jack
Empathy: Carter, Gwendolyn, John
Attachment: Carter, Gwendolyn, John (mother), Jonathan (father), Luke (parents), Chase (grandmother)
Detaching (wolf-related): Ashar, Sky, Randy, Ulric, Faolan

High class/rich: Chase, Marc-Dominic, Jonathan
Low class: Jack, Daniel, Quato
English lads: Neville, Nigel, Ty, Chase
Country boys: Jack, Caleb, Hank, Luke
Tough guys: Daniel, Jack, Brody, Aaron, Quato
Holds anger: Kyle, Matt, Ulric, Daniel, others
Physically oriented: Daniel, Luke, Brody

Twins or associated: Hansel & Johann (+ Quato), John & Gwendolyn, Ulric & Wats, Sky & Vince
In another dimension: Zane, Abraham, Gwendolyn, Raisin Annie (formerly)

Social skills: Johnny, Jack, Luke, Daniel
Special system skill: Sphinx (identify alters), Max (see alters), John (send alters to front)
Special skill: Quato (lying), Ryder (focused work), Mick/Mxyzptlk (body calming), Neville (reading focus), Brody (visiting)
Special mission: Edward (be good), Yanni (sleep), Caleb (listen), Pip (run away), Wats (escape), Scott (stay put), Gwendolyn (comfort others), Marc-Dominic (prevent insecurity)

Psychological abuse: Inky, Hank, Godwin, Quato, probably others
Physical abuse: Wats, Godwin, Michael, Casper, Adam, Ashar, Clark, Vince, Johann
Sexual abuse: Jack, Quato, Kent, Brody, Max, Zeb, Cole, Hank, Andre, Greg (?), Michael, Luke, Chase, probably others
Sexual contact: Jonathan, Little John, Ty (?)
Betrayal trauma: Johann, Andre, Quato, Ulric, Inky
Programmed: Sky, Abraham

Magic/mystical: Nigel/Oberon, Gwendolyn, others?
Dialect/Accent: Jack, Neville (formerly Chase, Ty)
Self-sufficient: Little John, Pip, Faolan
Sexually oriented: Quato, Daniel, Jonathan

Serious: Sphinx, Ryder, Edward, Jonathan, Chase, Johann, Aaron
Sad: Andre, Cole, Kent, Godwin, Michael, Casper, Randy, Zane (formerly Johann)
Upbeat/happy: Hansel, Estes, Johnny, Zeb, Adam (not originally)
Mischievous: Mick/Mxyzptlk, Quato, Max, Hansel, Johann (when with Hansel)

Odd sounds: Inky, Quato, Clark, Ashar, Adam (originally)
Suicidal thoughts: Quato, Randy, John, others
Unknown or unclear origin: Greg, Estes, Randy, Abraham, Raisin Annie, Ty, Nigel, Kyle, Faolan, Caleb, Yanni

Forum rules

Dx = DID. My blog. My personal Periodic Table of alters.
Ab Ad Al Am An Ar As Ba Be Br Ca Cb Ch Cl Cm Cn Co Cp Ct Cu Cv D Eb Ed Er Es F Fl Ga Gd Go Gr Gw He Hk Hs Ht I J Jh Jk Jn Jy Ke Ki Kn Ky Li Lu Md Mi Mt Mx Mz Ne Ni O Pe Pi Q Ra Rd Ry Sc Se Sh Sk Sx Tk Ty U V Wa Wi X Y Ze Zn
3 Comments Viewed 13539 times
Comments

Re: my groupings

Permanent Linkby Johnny-Jack on Fri Jan 20, 2017 3:11 am

Escape artists: Pip, Wats (maybe Greg)
Stay put artists: Henry, Scott, Yanni (maybe Randy)
Calmers: Mick/Mxyzptlk, Yanni, Marc-Dominic, Neville, Gwendolyn, Hansel (for Johann)
Forum rules

Dx = DID. My blog. My personal Periodic Table of alters.
Ab Ad Al Am An Ar As Ba Be Br Ca Cb Ch Cl Cm Cn Co Cp Ct Cu Cv D Eb Ed Er Es F Fl Ga Gd Go Gr Gw He Hk Hs Ht I J Jh Jk Jn Jy Ke Ki Kn Ky Li Lu Md Mi Mt Mx Mz Ne Ni O Pe Pi Q Ra Rd Ry Sc Se Sh Sk Sx Tk Ty U V Wa Wi X Y Ze Zn
User avatar
Johnny-Jack
Moderator: Consumer
Moderator: Consumer
 
Posts: 3210
Joined: Sun May 29, 2011 3:07 pm
Blog: View Blog (45)

Re: my groupings

Permanent Linkby Johnny-Jack on Wed Aug 16, 2017 3:47 am

Sexually oriented: Gaul
Physical abuse: Ulrich
Social skills: Cal
Suicidal thoughts: Jonathan
Not quite human: Xavi (tornado)
Calmers: Cal

New categories:
Core: Adam, (Jack has "core-like" characteristics)
Focus fuzzers: Xavi, Sphinx; formerly Jonathan (via Sphinx)
Support Role in trauma work: John (run it), Cal (team building), Jack (babysitting, herding of littles)
Forum rules

Dx = DID. My blog. My personal Periodic Table of alters.
Ab Ad Al Am An Ar As Ba Be Br Ca Cb Ch Cl Cm Cn Co Cp Ct Cu Cv D Eb Ed Er Es F Fl Ga Gd Go Gr Gw He Hk Hs Ht I J Jh Jk Jn Jy Ke Ki Kn Ky Li Lu Md Mi Mt Mx Mz Ne Ni O Pe Pi Q Ra Rd Ry Sc Se Sh Sk Sx Tk Ty U V Wa Wi X Y Ze Zn
User avatar
Johnny-Jack
Moderator: Consumer
Moderator: Consumer
 
Posts: 3210
Joined: Sun May 29, 2011 3:07 pm
Blog: View Blog (45)

Re: my groupings

Permanent Linkby Johnny-Jack on Fri Sep 15, 2017 9:25 pm

Country boys: Hoyt

Psychological abuse: Casper, Randy
Sexual abuse: Orval
Physical abuse: Bartholomew

Betrayal Trauma: Casper, Seamus
Escape artists: Yanni
Special system skill: Estes (team awareness)

New categories:
Sleep-related: Orval (late night), Casper (late night), Cole (early morning), Yanni (sleeps at will as an escape)
Time-spenders (keep us busy): Mick/Mxyzptlk, Hoyt
Last edited by Johnny-Jack on Fri Nov 03, 2017 6:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Forum rules

Dx = DID. My blog. My personal Periodic Table of alters.
Ab Ad Al Am An Ar As Ba Be Br Ca Cb Ch Cl Cm Cn Co Cp Ct Cu Cv D Eb Ed Er Es F Fl Ga Gd Go Gr Gw He Hk Hs Ht I J Jh Jk Jn Jy Ke Ki Kn Ky Li Lu Md Mi Mt Mx Mz Ne Ni O Pe Pi Q Ra Rd Ry Sc Se Sh Sk Sx Tk Ty U V Wa Wi X Y Ze Zn
User avatar
Johnny-Jack
Moderator: Consumer
Moderator: Consumer
 
Posts: 3210
Joined: Sun May 29, 2011 3:07 pm
Blog: View Blog (45)

Who is online

Registered users: Bing [Bot], Google [Bot], Google Adsense [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, NewSunRising, Tyler