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Author:  Johnny-Jack [ Sun Aug 28, 2011 4:00 am ]
Blog Subject:  level of independence of my alters

In imaging a stable future personality (or fewer personalities), I'm starting to focus within our system on the levels of power, independence, courage, self-confidence, and sensitivity to the opinions, safety and needs of others. They're different among us and in fact are changing.

AARON: extremely calm and self-confident, therefore very independent (though a fragment)

DAN (was Dack): independent and thick-skinned; cocky and belligerent (not expressed unless provoked) most of the time; reigns it in completely around children and moms and feels protective, almost mushy, around them; very tough, aggressive, likes to exercise, push the body; extremely high level of energy but some dissipated to ever-present tension, which is basically his anger controlled

JACK: very independent, self-reliant and adventuresome; quite unaffected by people's judgment of him ("everybody don't have to like me, that's okay"); currently held in check by his youth relative to John and John's "mother hen" approach; hyper-aware of potential bullies of vulnerable people, especially kids, in any environment and wants to take them on himself

JONATHAN: very independent minded, strong, determined, ambitious; hampered by his design at birth to help John; his role was to replace John as companion to the father in one-on-one interactions; has a slight superiority complex so mostly unaffected by people's opinions of him; the lawyer father encouraged independent critical thinking and judgment, even judgment of the father's ideas, because father's ideal was a family dinner where everyone could hold their own in any discussion or argument about anything; but deference to John has been automatic due to his design and thus is crippling and tremendously frustrating for Jonathan; strong feeling of obligation to protect those younger and to treat with respect (even while judging) those of lower status than him

JOHN: dominant host since age two and a half; overwhelming habit of not being affected by and controlling his environment; over time this has meant a dwindling interaction with the world, the job and friends and (nice) family members from the past being the last vestige of world interaction; has need for positive opinion of him from people in the world and heavily affected by potential negative opinions of him, which is a primary weakness; owns an inner need to "provide for" others, their well-being and emotions

QUATO: couldn't care less what anyone thinks of him or of John, probably because he has lived mostly internally (I think) and doesn't have to live with the consequences; influenced John, strongly at times, when he felt John was being a patsy, when he felt like stirring up trouble or strife, when John or others felt scared of tough people, for sexual fantasy, or when he felt John needed to cut loose; comfortable around crude, hyper-masculine, violent, even dangerous people; claims not to care about individuals, sarcastic and often jeering, nihilistic; soft side shows around children, desires to protect and play with them (hmmph, some anarchist)

MARC-DOMINIC: came for John as his variable mentor; an independent thinker who is not at all affected by what John thinks; extremely self-confident, haughty as an alter and imbues John with confidence and a feeling of entitlement in interactions with powerful or rich people; harshly judgmental of the mighty who do not practice noblesse oblige or of the wealthy who are not philanthropists

SPHINX: gatekeeper who has deferred to those of the body most of the time; until recently was mostly unaffected by thinking of alters but has moved toward mutual growth and change; a rather detached but deep compassion is the only emotion he displays

LITTLE JOHN: tentative, non-challenging, always deferential, never spoke unless spoken to; nevertheless, oddly independent in his thinking, as if he was waiting for the chance to break out of his self-imposed limits once it became safe; somewhat dependent on DID mother's good alter(s) as he was only 2 when he went inside; gaining independence as time goes on; loves feeling big brotherly to Adam

ASHÁR: many, many times defended the body from mother's ritualized abuse; primary role was defending the core from abuse; fierce and seems fearless; protector to the death of Adam

JOHANN: a fragment traumatized by recognizing the betrayal by the father; rejecting of father; pushing for help from EMDR

ADAM: hurt core, easily frightened though becoming less so; a toddler therefore dependent on mother's care, now on big guys in the body who take care of him, not always very successfully; taking new strides toward independent, like walking, even in public

CHARLES: don't know well yet, very hurt

HANSEL: least independent because he came as Johann's twin in order to comfort him; originally quite dedicated to Johann's emotional need and to keeping the pain and nausea from John

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