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https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Johnny-Jack/index_sid-d6918ac162b7651902b767e88fe9e420_start-50.html |
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| Author: | Johnny-Jack [ Sun Nov 06, 2011 3:26 am ] |
| Blog Subject: | hosting the body: abilities of alters |
Technically, any alter could become the main person, the host. We have had three. The gatekeeper and we have considered others as potential hosts at different times. [This entry is written by Jonathan.] JOHN has been the host since the age of two and a half. His most valuable assets as host are strong interpersonal and leadership skills, which have led to job success. He is compassionate and people trust him, though he' given to unnecessarily effusive emotions. He is hampered by an over-concern with whether people like him or not and by suicidal thoughts. He is creative and good at bringing organization to chaos. He is quite brave and is actually better at everything in an emergency than he is normally. So his natural state is emergency. We would trust him, and he would trust himself, during an actual emergency more than anyone we've known. He would shine during a natural disaster. But normal life doesn't need all that hyper-vigilance. JACK could easily become host and would make an excellent one as he has a lot of natural skills. He is trusting and trustworthy. People find him likable as he is friendly, open, and non-judgmental. He is extremely gregarious and will chat with anyone, especially those who don't know John. He's mellow and protective and we believe he would be a diligent worker if he were to become older. If not for his strong Appalachian accent, the Sphinx would likely have made Jack host to replace John in childhood. Independent of the family, he developed relatively freely and more closely in line with the natural body and mind so his hostship would be comfortable fit. JONATHAN would be a good compromise host. Capable, organized, pleasant, ambitious without being aggressive, successful, hard-working, calm and centered most of the time, he was designed with a significant set of personal skills that would work well for a host. In some ways he is John, but toned down and focused. He has begun to replace John recently in a number of situations. His only design flaw that would limit him is that his role has been as John's helper, not the body's leader, though he is the natural leader of the alters. Relegated to playing a supportive role, it's challenging for him to determine what he alone desires. QUATO does not want to become host as he knows his limitations. He is far too angry and cynical to be able to carry on the sophisticated interpersonal relations that are needed for a successful hostship. He gets bored easily with conventional people and situations and loathes anything "establishment." He prefers anarchism or chaos and has been known to stir them up just to cause trouble. Although he's better than any alter with low-life, stupid, aggressive, manipulative, dishonest or dangerous people, he'd prefer to avoid most people, though he's not exactly a loner. He is very sarcastic and can barely hold it in sometimes. Still he is clever and funny, if acerbic, and could take over in a variety of appropriate situations if he were willing. DAN is skeptical he could become host for the life we now have, even if it were to change significantly. His aggressive anger would have to evolve into something more channeled but he is naturally resilient. He has tremendous drive and energy and is free from worry about what people think of him. He might do well if the body made a living at a masculine field, perhaps coaching or firefighting. That said, if some other physical body were to become available that he could miraculously transfer into, he would do it in a heartbeat. He wants to live out a life on his own terms, away from these intellectual, "weaker" guys, but he knows that's not possible. The SPHINX could not possibly host. His hosting would be a disaster. When in control of the body, he appears to be very much like a robot or, on a good day, like an android (he IS obviously inside a human), although he's becoming less mechanical. His being in the body would freak out most human beings and would probably... [ Continued ] |
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| Author: | Johnny-Jack [ Fri Sep 30, 2011 1:34 am ] |
| Blog Subject: | the arrival of the last alters in the body |
Sept. 2011: In the last few days I've met three new alters, sort of. Dan (misheard from Sphinx as Dack) has been "dead" since the body was age 9 but I inadvertently re-awakened him by imaging how I might tell him that he just thinks he died. I knew this was possible after my gatekeeper used the words "and one who believes he is dead" to describe Dan. Dan is young, older than age 9 (maybe he was created as older?), full of incredible energy, somehow has full knowledge of everything that's been going on in the meantime (rather, he can access that memory quickly), and doesn't seem to be the potentially "bad" alter we "killed" so many years ago. We're wary but hopeful. He does seem angry! Because he came into the body for a time, we got to see how he felt, more what he was like than if he simply spoke to us internally, which he did only a day before. He was "begat" from Jack, so perhaps he's always been able to rely on Jack's memory and so knows all that Jack knows. It did seem to be knowledge at a child's level of understanding. We also met the two twins Hansel & Johann. They are adorable, as any four-year-olds are. They spoke to me during journaling before but this morning they actually took over the body, swapping with one another because they are twins and share everything, for the long walk to work. So I know them experientially too now. Hansel is perpetually optimistic and Johann is emotionally injured and wary but bouyed by Hansel's good cheer. Jack was the one who pushed them forward into the body rather than him doing his normal walk. He's just great with the youngest ones and accepts his role as "big brother" readily because that's what these kids need. This on top of Quato beginning to come into the body just about 4-6 weeks ago? I think the only one who hadn't been in the body was Marc Dominic and I'm pretty sure he was an internal alter. Marc became the last alter to step into the body (at least when I've been aware and co-conscious) in early October. So that's everybody with experience. I know what every one "feels" like now. I like them all. Aaron came into the body as a unique, identifiable, separate alter in February 2012, although we believe he's been around before. Charles, a hurt child, is very newly known and he took over and walked a few blocks in March 2012. |
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| Author: | Johnny-Jack [ Fri Sep 16, 2011 3:10 am ] |
| Blog Subject: | Jack, Johnny and dog painting (my avatar) |
**potentially triggering** My avatar is an actual painting of Jack at age 10. I've searched for but never found a photograph of my alter personality Jack and one may not exist. However, the avatar is a reduced digital photo of a 3ft x 5ft composition of Jack, painted from memory by my father a year or so after Jack punched him in the face, fought back, ran away that night, thus ending the abuse, then shortly went inside for decades. Jack's eye squint is characteristic of him, though here it also helps him aim the gun. My father was a gun collector. The pistol is no toy. It is the relative size of an adult weapon, which Jack holds ready for his off-screen assailant. He protects the untroubled boy on his back, the host John (aka Johnny), whose face is not shown, indeed, cannot be shown for it would be identical to Jack's. My father may or may not have consciously known what he was painting but the identities and the meaning of the painting are quite clear to me. Everyone close to the family who has seen the painting says the boy is me. Others have confirmed that even he knew it turned out to be his son. Only I know the boy with the gun is Jack and the child on the ground was his second favorite son, John (Johnny). It is the largest painting ever done by our father, who knew quite well that the two boys were different, though in the same body. He never named this painting. Although it's not clear in this reduced version, the dog, with human-like eyes, stares back in harsh judgment at the painter of the scene, and so at the viewer. (April 28, 2012) Two friends who know my entire story now, who knew me since we were age 2 or 3 and who knew my parents, got an overwhelming response to viewing the painting. The boys' bodies are so close, the recumbent Johnny seems to blend into Jack. One held her hand over the dogs lower face and said the eyes looked human and accusing. I have mixed feelings about displaying a painting by my abuser, but it is the only known visual record of Jack, the painting itself is not at fault, it is absolutely his likeness and a documentation of his battle won, and I retain it to honor Jack, who no longer sleeps. |
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| Author: | Johnny-Jack [ Mon Sep 05, 2011 6:08 am ] |
| Blog Subject: | awards: characteristics of my alters |
AWARDS, because they deserve the appreciation and the recognition: Best with animals: John Best with bullies: Jack Best with chaos: Sphinx Best with children: Jack Best with farm animals: John Best with finances: Jonathan Best with intellectuals: John, Jonathan Best with pain: Ashár Best with poor people: Jack Best with rich people: Marc Dominic Best with low-lifes: Quato Best with women: John Best with men: Quato Best with pets: Little John Best with secrets: Hansel & Johann Best with sports: Dan Best with stuffed animals: Adam * BLUE RIBBON * Best with toddlers: Jack Best attacker: Ashár Best friendship: Hansel & Johann * BLUE RIBBON * Best fist-fighter: Jack Best giggler: Little John Best leader: Jonathan Best liar: Quato * BLUE RIBBON * Best money-maker: Jonathan Best mingler: Marc Dominic Best prankster: Quato Best runner: Dan Best sleeper: Adam Best tutor: Marc Dominic Most adorable: Little John Most aggressive: Dan Most ambitious: Jonathan Most angry: Ashár Most arrogant: Marc Dominic Most athletic: Dan Most betrayed: Johann Most brave: John Most calm: Jonathan Most cocky: Dan Most compassionate: Hansel Most compliant: Little John Most creative: John Most cynical: Quato Most dramatic: John Most eclectic: John Most effective: Jonathan Most empathetic: John Most entertaining: John Most entitled: Marc Dominic * BLUE RIBBON * Most experienced: John Most family-oriented: Jack Most fearful: Adam Most fit: Jonathan Most good-natured: Little John Most impatient: Dan Most inclusive: John Most indispensable: Adam Most insane: Quato Most intense: Dan Most irascible: Dan * BLUE RIBBON * Most irresponsible: Quato Most judgmental: Marc Dominic Most kinky: Quato Most loyal: Hansel Most macho: Dan Most marriageable: Jack * BLUE RIBBON * Most masculine: Quato Most mischievous: Hansel Most mistrusting: Ashár Most mysterious: Sphinx Most objective: Sphinx Most optimistic: Hansel Most organized: Jonathan Most outgoing: Jack Most outrageous: Quato Most patrician: Marc Dominic Most rational: Jonathan Most religious: Jack Most reserved: Little John Most responsible: Jonathan * BLUE RIBBON * Most rural: Jack Most sarcastic: Quato Most secretive: Johann Most self-confident: Aaron Most serious: Sphinx * BLUE RIBBON * Most successful: Jonathan Most sexual: Quato Most sophisticated: Marc Dominic Most steadfast: Johann Most talkative: Jack Most tentative: Little John Most tough: Dan Most traumatized: Adam Most undemanding: Little John * BLUE RIBBON * Most untraumatized: Aaron Most urban: Jonathan Most vigilant: Ashár * BLUE RIBBON * Most wacky: Quato Oldest: Marc Dominic (70s) Youngest: Adam (1.5) Okay, I'll use this list to group the ridiculous number of Johns together: Most likely to succeed: Jonathan Most likely to avoid: Little John Most likely to read: John, aka Johnny Most likely to snear: John-John, aka Quato Most likely to comfort: John-John-John, aka Hansel Most likely to puke: John-John-John-John, aka Johann Most likely to talk: Jack Most likely to erupt: Dan, aka Dack Most likely to judge: Marc Dominic Most likely to nap: Adam Most likely to bite: Ashár Most likely to assess: The One, aka the Sphinx Most likely to remain calm: Aaron JOHN: brave, creative, dramatic, eclectic, empathetic, entertaining, experienced, inclusive, reader SPHINX: mysterious, objective, serious ADAM: fearful, indispensible, traumatized, sleeper ASHAR: angry, mistrusting, vigilant, attacks, bites JACK: family-oriented, marriageable, outgoing, rural, talkative, fist-fighter, farmer DAN: aggressive, athletic, cocky, impatient, intense, irascible, macho, tough; sports, runner HANSEL: compassionate, loyal, mischievous, comforting, optimistic JOHANN: betrayed, secretive, steadfast JONATHAN: ambitious, calm, effective, fit, organized, rational, responsible, successful, urban, money-maker, businessman, leader QUATO: cynical, insane, irresponsible, kinky, masculine, outrageous, sarcastic, sexual, wacky, liar, prankster, street-talking LITTL... [ Continued ] |
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| Author: | Johnny-Jack [ Sun Aug 28, 2011 4:00 am ] |
| Blog Subject: | level of independence of my alters |
In imaging a stable future personality (or fewer personalities), I'm starting to focus within our system on the levels of power, independence, courage, self-confidence, and sensitivity to the opinions, safety and needs of others. They're different among us and in fact are changing. AARON: extremely calm and self-confident, therefore very independent (though a fragment) DAN (was Dack): independent and thick-skinned; cocky and belligerent (not expressed unless provoked) most of the time; reigns it in completely around children and moms and feels protective, almost mushy, around them; very tough, aggressive, likes to exercise, push the body; extremely high level of energy but some dissipated to ever-present tension, which is basically his anger controlled JACK: very independent, self-reliant and adventuresome; quite unaffected by people's judgment of him ("everybody don't have to like me, that's okay"); currently held in check by his youth relative to John and John's "mother hen" approach; hyper-aware of potential bullies of vulnerable people, especially kids, in any environment and wants to take them on himself JONATHAN: very independent minded, strong, determined, ambitious; hampered by his design at birth to help John; his role was to replace John as companion to the father in one-on-one interactions; has a slight superiority complex so mostly unaffected by people's opinions of him; the lawyer father encouraged independent critical thinking and judgment, even judgment of the father's ideas, because father's ideal was a family dinner where everyone could hold their own in any discussion or argument about anything; but deference to John has been automatic due to his design and thus is crippling and tremendously frustrating for Jonathan; strong feeling of obligation to protect those younger and to treat with respect (even while judging) those of lower status than him JOHN: dominant host since age two and a half; overwhelming habit of not being affected by and controlling his environment; over time this has meant a dwindling interaction with the world, the job and friends and (nice) family members from the past being the last vestige of world interaction; has need for positive opinion of him from people in the world and heavily affected by potential negative opinions of him, which is a primary weakness; owns an inner need to "provide for" others, their well-being and emotions QUATO: couldn't care less what anyone thinks of him or of John, probably because he has lived mostly internally (I think) and doesn't have to live with the consequences; influenced John, strongly at times, when he felt John was being a patsy, when he felt like stirring up trouble or strife, when John or others felt scared of tough people, for sexual fantasy, or when he felt John needed to cut loose; comfortable around crude, hyper-masculine, violent, even dangerous people; claims not to care about individuals, sarcastic and often jeering, nihilistic; soft side shows around children, desires to protect and play with them (hmmph, some anarchist) MARC-DOMINIC: came for John as his variable mentor; an independent thinker who is not at all affected by what John thinks; extremely self-confident, haughty as an alter and imbues John with confidence and a feeling of entitlement in interactions with powerful or rich people; harshly judgmental of the mighty who do not practice noblesse oblige or of the wealthy who are not philanthropists SPHINX: gatekeeper who has deferred to those of the body most of the time; until recently was mostly unaffected by thinking of alters but has moved toward mutual growth and change; a rather detached but deep compassion is the only emotion he displays LITTLE JOHN: tentative, non-challenging, always deferential, never spoke unless spoken to; nevertheless, oddly independent in his thinking, as if he was waiting for the chance to break out of his self-imposed limits once it became safe; somewhat dependent... [ Continued ] |
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