Psychology and Mental Health Forum

Author:  Johnny-Jack [ Sat Mar 28, 2020 2:44 am ]
Blog Subject:  how we avoided an internal war

Communication is one of the keys to healing from DID. But sometimes communication fails. Fighting among alters, and certainly disagreements, are not always negative. Sometimes they're what's needed to achieve true communication.

DID is so named because the aspects of what makes a person whole are dissociated, mostly due to repeated, unavoidable, and continuous childhood trauma. So it was for us.

We recently began in earnest to assemble a coalition of alters and started to journal about it, in hopes that everyone might get the message. Our coalition of our most experienced alters, even including some littles, were prepared to "go to war" with our large subsystem of "card" alters who have been virtually inaccessible yet in control of the majority of our time and on autopilot for decades.

There was no amnesia for what they did. How they spent our time wasn't doing anything awful, it was mostly watching TV and doing repetitive, unimportant things on the computer. In short, they have wasted, in the opinion of our hosts, a massive amount of time in our life. And even though we've learned what was happening, we remained powerless to change it. We recently discovered this subsystem was under the control of two unemotional adult alters, previously unknown.

We had found them all and could even see inside their factory of sorts, but we had as yet had no success breaking into their space to get their attention. Sphinx, the ultimate pacifist, suggested we get ready to go to war in order to break through and open up communication. He had tried on his own with no success; the boundaries were stronger than he expected. We started checking inside to see who'd be a willing ally, who would be better sitting it out, who among us were probably not reliable. And we assembled a list of allies.

It was the threat of an impending fight, and oddly perhaps the current COVID situation which eliminated our need to be at work and hold it together in person for 4-8 weeks, that seemed to have led the leaders of this subsystem to suddenly begin communicating via journaling. It didn't start with them explaining or justifying their thinking. Rather they began replaying for us and recording in word the hopeless thoughts, painful emotions, and suicidal plans from the abuse and betrayal we experienced at age 13.

The fight or war was never going to be brutal or cruel, it was an internal only battle. Our general intent was to band together to create an intense focused pressure on the subsystem to open up. However it happened, it worked and the need for that conflict now feels behind us because we have communication.

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