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Johnny-Jack's Musings and Some Alter Stories
Hi, all! I finally figured out a few years ago that I am multiple, having suffered yet to some degree succeeded in life with dissociative identity disorder. Like many with DID, there had been areas of and moments in my life that were confusing and dysfunctional but I could never figure out why.

I had periodic depressions and my memory was often poor. But I didn't experience the hallmarks of DID like losing chunks of time. In my search for answers I spent a fortune on books, seminars, and therapists. I considered the possibility of having DID many times, but the clues I had gave me no certainty and no therapist helped me focus on the potential root cause of my problems. Blocked awareness and inaccessible memories are how DID works. A blessing in childhood, problematic later.

Several years ago, trauma memories started coming to me in images and flashbacks, and alters "woke up" and communicated with me. It was easy to admit then that I had DID. I had always felt a bit like a counterfeit. But it was impossible to fathom how the "good" parents I remembered were randomly monstrous abusers of me as a child, psychologically, physically and sexually.

I will never, ever, ever understand how a person, let alone a parent, can hurt a small, innocent, utterly defenseless child, not once but hundreds of time. It is contrary to the most basic human instinct to nurture and protect one's offspring. But it happened. Though it wasn't necessary, I sought and discovered external proof it happened. Now I work in therapy and in life to reverse the damage these warped people caused.

In 2011 I began communicating with a teen with DID and, when it looked like he would become homeless, I hired him from across the country -- knowing it would be a challenge -- as a live-in personal assistant to cook, drive and run errands. We soon began to rely on and support each other the way healthy families do, so I adopted him. Really, I adopted them, dozens of sons and daughters.

Over the years we've learned how to attach to another person, safely and in a family context. I sometimes feel rage when I think about his parents or mine. Still, both of us are prospering. Living well is the best revenge.
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hosting the body: abilities of alters

Permanent Linkby Johnny-Jack on Sun Nov 06, 2011 3:26 am

Technically, any alter could become the main person, the host. We have had three. The gatekeeper and we have considered others as potential hosts at different times. [This entry is written by Jonathan.]

JOHN has been the host since the age of two and a half. His most valuable assets as host are strong interpersonal and leadership skills, which have led to job success. He is compassionate and people trust him, though he' given to unnecessarily effusive emotions. He is hampered by an over-concern with whether people like him or not and by suicidal thoughts. He is creative and good at bringing organization to chaos. He is quite brave and is actually better at everything in an emergency than he is normally. So his natural state is emergency. We would trust him, and he would trust himself, during an actual emergency more than anyone we've known. He would shine during a natural disaster. But normal life doesn't need all that hyper-vigilance.

JACK could easily become host and would make an excellent one as he has a lot of natural skills. He is trusting and trustworthy. People find him likable as he is friendly, open, and non-judgmental. He is extremely gregarious and will chat with anyone, especially those who don't know John. He's mellow and protective and we believe he would be a diligent worker if he were to become older. If not for his strong Appalachian accent, the Sphinx would likely have made Jack host to replace John in childhood. Independent of the family, he developed relatively freely and more closely in line with the natural body and mind so his hostship would be comfortable fit.

JONATHAN would be a good compromise host. Capable, organized, pleasant, ambitious without being aggressive, successful, hard-working, calm and centered most of the time, he was designed with a significant set of personal skills that would work well for a host. In some ways he is John, but toned down and focused. He has begun to replace John recently in a number of situations. His only design flaw that would limit him is that his role has been as John's helper, not the body's leader, though he is the natural leader of the alters. Relegated to playing a supportive role, it's challenging for him to determine what he alone desires.

QUATO does not want to become host as he knows his limitations. He is far too angry and cynical to be able to carry on the sophisticated interpersonal relations that are needed for a successful hostship. He gets bored easily with conventional people and situations and loathes anything "establishment." He prefers anarchism or chaos and has been known to stir them up just to cause trouble. Although he's better than any alter with low-life, stupid, aggressive, manipulative, dishonest or dangerous people, he'd prefer to avoid most people, though he's not exactly a loner. He is very sarcastic and can barely hold it in sometimes. Still he is clever and funny, if acerbic, and could take over in a variety of appropriate situations if he were willing.

DAN is skeptical he could become host for the life we now have, even if it were to change significantly. His aggressive anger would have to evolve into something more channeled but he is naturally resilient. He has tremendous drive and energy and is free from worry about what people think of him. He might do well if the body made a living at a masculine field, perhaps coaching or firefighting. That said, if some other physical body were to become available that he could miraculously transfer into, he would do it in a heartbeat. He wants to live out a life on his own terms, away from these intellectual, "weaker" guys, but he knows that's not possible.

The SPHINX could not possibly host. His hosting would be a disaster. When in control of the body, he appears to be very much like a robot or, on a good day, like an android (he IS obviously inside a human), although he's becoming less mechanical. His being in the body would freak out most human beings and would probably make many of John's friends and relatives burst into tears. He might be able to do a good job on Star Trek, playing a character like Data or Spock, that is if he would consent to act, which he indicates he would not.

MARC-DOMINIC says he doesn't have anywhere near the skills or depth to host as he feels he is a fragment but in fact he can call on the skills and knowledge already resident in the body. His arrogance would be evident, even if he were to put on his middle-brow hat. He would probably alienate some people while elevating others. He feels everybody has reasons to feel arrogant about themselves and he encourages healthy self-centeredness and self-reliance. Our financial situation wouldn't be described as wealthy, so his sense of entitlement might seem silly. Plus we would never be able to afford keeping the life up to his standards and lifestyle, which are beyond most people's means.

AARON is even more fragmentary than Marc-Dominic but still has a solid core personality that's his own. Given the age of the body and how people know us, he actually might have the ideal personality to host. Because he was apparently created accidentally by John in full adulthood, Aaron is totally untraumatized, another reason he might be a successful host. We do feel he could access everything the rest of us know.

The littles are too young to host. LITTLE JOHN was host of the body from eight months old to two and a half. He is still too quiet and avoidant of interactions, though he's growing out of that. CHARLES isn't known well enough yet. HANSEL and JOHANN, twins, would insist on switching back and forth every few minutes and whereas virtually no continuity would be lost because they've always been co-conscious for each other with a seamless connection, hosting seems challenging as they're distinguishable personalities. ADAM is a baby who understands only a couple words. And ASHAR is still a wolfdog who cannot speak.
Last edited by Johnny-Jack on Sat Mar 24, 2012 12:43 am, edited 9 times in total.

Dx = DID. My blog. My personal Periodic Table of alters.
Ab Ad Al Am An Ar As Ba Be Br Ca Cb Ch Cl Cm Cn Co Cp Ct Cu Cv D Eb Ed Er Es F Fl Ga Gd Go Gr Gw He Hk Hs Ht I J Jh Jk Jn Jy Ke Ki Kn Ky Li Lu Md Mi Mt Mx Mz Ne Ni O Pe Pi Q Ra Rd Ry Sc Se Sh Sk Sx Tk Ty U V Wa Wi X Y Ze Zn

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