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Hi, everybody! I finally figured out a few years ago that I was multiple, having suffered yet to some degree succeeded in life with dissociative identity disorder. Like many with DID, there have been areas of and moments in my life that were confusing and dysfunctional but I could never figure out why, no matter how hard I tried.

I had periodic bouts of major depression and my memory was sometimes awful. But I didn't seem to experience the hallmarks or stereotypes of DID, like losing time. Although I spent a small fortune on books, seminars, and therapists and looked into the possibility of having DID many times, the clues I had just didn't point me to any certainty and no therapist helped me focus on the potential root cause of my problems. Blocked awareness and inaccessible memories are how DID works. It's a blessing in childhood but disadvantageous later in life.

Several years ago, after trauma memories started coming to me in images and flashbacks and alters began emerging and communicating with me, it was easy to own that I had DID but still hard to fathom how the normal parents and others that I remembered were randomly monstrous abusers of me as a child, psychologically, physically and sexually. I don't think I'll ever be able to fathom how a human being could do these things to a child, a small, innocent person. But it happened. And although it wasn't necessary, I sought and discovered external proof. I'm working in therapy and in life to reverse the damage these warped people caused.

I communicated with a DID teen on this forum and, when it looked like he would become homeless at 19, I hired him as a live-in personal assistant. Almost immediately we came to rely on and support each other the way (good) families do so I adopted him. Really, I adopted them. Now we're all helping one another learn how to attach safely to people. In a way, my son's healing is my revenge by proxy against sick parents -- his and mine.
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Johnny-Jack
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hosting the body: abilities of alters

Permanent Linkby Johnny-Jack on Sun Nov 06, 2011 3:26 am

Technically, any alter could become the main person, the host. We have had three. The gatekeeper and we have considered others as potential hosts at different times. [This entry is written by Jonathan.]

JOHN has been the host since the age of two and a half. His most valuable assets as host are strong interpersonal and leadership skills, which have led to job success. He is compassionate and people trust him, though he' given to unnecessarily effusive emotions. He is hampered by an over-concern with whether people like him or not and by suicidal thoughts. He is creative and good at bringing organization to chaos. He is quite brave and is actually better at everything in an emergency than he is normally. So his natural state is emergency. We would trust him, and he would trust himself, during an actual emergency more than anyone we've known. He would shine during a natural disaster. But normal life doesn't need all that hyper-vigilance.

JACK could easily become host and would make an excellent one as he has a lot of natural skills. He is trusting and trustworthy. People find him likable as he is friendly, open, and non-judgmental. He is extremely gregarious and will chat with anyone, especially those who don't know John. He's mellow and protective and we believe he would be a diligent worker if he were to become older. If not for his strong Appalachian accent, the Sphinx would likely have made Jack host to replace John in childhood. Independent of the family, he developed relatively freely and more closely in line with the natural body and mind so his hostship would be comfortable fit.

JONATHAN would be a good compromise host. Capable, organized, pleasant, ambitious without being aggressive, successful, hard-working, calm and centered most of the time, he was designed with a significant set of personal skills that would work well for a host. In some ways he is John, but toned down and focused. He has begun to replace John recently in a number of situations. His only design flaw that would limit him is that his role has been as John's helper, not the body's leader, though he is the natural leader of the alters. Relegated to playing a supportive role, it's challenging for him to determine what he alone desires.

QUATO does not want to become host as he knows his limitations. He is far too angry and cynical to be able to carry on the sophisticated interpersonal relations that are needed for a successful hostship. He gets bored easily with conventional people and situations and loathes anything "establishment." He prefers anarchism or chaos and has been known to stir them up just to cause trouble. Although he's better than any alter with low-life, stupid, aggressive, manipulative, dishonest or dangerous people, he'd prefer to avoid most people, though he's not exactly a loner. He is very sarcastic and can barely hold it in sometimes. Still he is clever and funny, if acerbic, and could take over in a variety of appropriate situations if he were willing.

DAN is skeptical he could become host for the life we now have, even if it were to change significantly. His aggressive anger would have to evolve into something more channeled but he is naturally resilient. He has tremendous drive and energy and is free from worry about what people think of him. He might do well if the body made a living at a masculine field, perhaps coaching or firefighting. That said, if some other physical body were to become available that he could miraculously transfer into, he would do it in a heartbeat. He wants to live out a life on his own terms, away from these intellectual, "weaker" guys, but he knows that's not possible.

The SPHINX could not possibly host. His hosting would be a disaster. When in control of the body, he appears to be very much like a robot or, on a good day, like an android (he IS obviously inside a human), although he's becoming less mechanical. His being in the body would freak out most human beings and would probably make many of John's friends and relatives burst into tears. He might be able to do a good job on Star Trek, playing a character like Data or Spock, that is if he would consent to act, which he indicates he would not.

MARC-DOMINIC says he doesn't have anywhere near the skills or depth to host as he feels he is a fragment but in fact he can call on the skills and knowledge already resident in the body. His arrogance would be evident, even if he were to put on his middle-brow hat. He would probably alienate some people while elevating others. He feels everybody has reasons to feel arrogant about themselves and he encourages healthy self-centeredness and self-reliance. Our financial situation wouldn't be described as wealthy, so his sense of entitlement might seem silly. Plus we would never be able to afford keeping the life up to his standards and lifestyle, which are beyond most people's means.

AARON is even more fragmentary than Marc-Dominic but still has a solid core personality that's his own. Given the age of the body and how people know us, he actually might have the ideal personality to host. Because he was apparently created accidentally by John in full adulthood, Aaron is totally untraumatized, another reason he might be a successful host. We do feel he could access everything the rest of us know.

The littles are too young to host. LITTLE JOHN was host of the body from eight months old to two and a half. He is still too quiet and avoidant of interactions, though he's growing out of that. CHARLES isn't known well enough yet. HANSEL and JOHANN, twins, would insist on switching back and forth every few minutes and whereas virtually no continuity would be lost because they've always been co-conscious for each other with a seamless connection, hosting seems challenging as they're distinguishable personalities. ADAM is a baby who understands only a couple words. And ASHAR is still a wolfdog who cannot speak.
Last edited by Johnny-Jack on Sat Mar 24, 2012 12:43 am, edited 9 times in total.

74 of us. Dx=DID. John, Johnny, Ryder hosts. Sphinx. Gwendolyn 50s. Marc-Dominic, Aaron, Gaul 40s. Jonathan 33. Neville 20. Quato 19. Kyle 16. Ulric, Calvin, Daniel 15. Faolán 14. Hoyt, Cam, Cully, Flynn, Tuck, Abel, Eberly, Will, Gordon, Pehr, Mick/Mxyzptlk 13. Nigel 12. Orval, Jack 11. Abraham, Zane, Ty, Randy 10. Brody 9. Sky, Yanni, Vince, Luke, Hank, Xavi 8. Cole, Matt, Chase 7. Andre, Godwin, Greg, Carter, Estes, Seamus 6. Michael, Caleb, Inky, Kent 5. Casper, Bartholomew, Raisin Annie, Scott, Hansel & Johann, Wats 4. Pip, Max, Little John 3. Erik, Carl, Sheldon, Alvin, Ashár, Henry 2. Edward, Clark, Zeb 1. Adam <1
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