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Hi, everybody! I finally figured out a few years ago that I was multiple, having suffered yet to some degree succeeded in life with dissociative identity disorder. Like many with DID, there have been areas of and moments in my life that were confusing and dysfunctional but I could never figure out why, no matter how hard I tried.

I had periodic bouts of major depression and my memory was sometimes awful. But I didn't seem to experience the hallmarks or stereotypes of DID, like losing time. Although I spent a small fortune on books, seminars, and therapists and looked into the possibility of having DID many times, the clues I had just didn't point me to any certainty and no therapist helped me focus on the potential root cause of my problems. Blocked awareness and inaccessible memories are how DID works. It's a blessing in childhood but disadvantageous later in life.

Several years ago, after trauma memories started coming to me in images and flashbacks and alters began emerging and communicating with me, it was easy to own that I had DID but still hard to fathom how the normal parents and others that I remembered were randomly monstrous abusers of me as a child, psychologically, physically and sexually. I don't think I'll ever be able to fathom how a human being could do these things to a child, a small, innocent person. But it happened. And although it wasn't necessary, I sought and discovered external proof. I'm working in therapy and in life to reverse the damage these warped people caused.

I communicated with a DID teen on this forum and, when it looked like he would become homeless at 19, I hired him as a live-in personal assistant. Almost immediately we came to rely on and support each other the way (good) families do so I adopted him. Really, I adopted them. Now we're all helping one another learn how to attach safely to people. In a way, my son's healing is my revenge by proxy against sick parents -- his and mine.
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Johnny-Jack
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programming: how my abuser silenced me
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Family Tree as of 3-11-13

Permanent Linkby Johnny-Jack on Tue Mar 12, 2013 2:41 am

Chronology of arrival of alters
as far as can be reconstructed
Suggests who was derived from whom

AGE.............ALTERS.....................................ARRIVAL #

..0................ADAM (core)..................................1.....
.3 mos............|.....\..............SPHINX*..................2....
.4 mos............|.......ASHÁR.................................3....
.8 mos...........LITTLE JOHN..................................4.....
..1.................|...|.........\......................................
..1½...............|..Edward....\...............................5....
..2.................|................Max...........................6....
..2½...........JOHN (host).......................................7...
..2¾........../.|.|.|\..\...\..........................................
..3.........../..|.|.|.\...\...Carter.............................8....
..4........./....|.|..|..\...Quato, Hansel, Johann....9, 10, 11..
..5. Chase.....|.|...|...\........................................12...
..6..JONATHAN..|....|....\.....................................13...
..7.................|......|...JACK...............................14...
..8.................|.......|.....|......................................
..9.................|........|....DAN.............................15...
10..................|.........|...........................................
11..................|..........|.........................................
12...Marc-Dominic...........|...................................16..
..................................|.......................................
44.............................Aaron...............................17..

(*) gatekeeper/observer, not a regular alter
CAPITALS: Alters always known to gatekeeper Sphinx

74 of us. Dx=DID. John, Johnny, Ryder hosts. Sphinx. Gwendolyn 50s. Marc-Dominic, Aaron, Gaul 40s. Jonathan 33. Neville 20. Quato 19. Kyle 16. Ulric, Calvin, Daniel 15. Faolán 14. Hoyt, Cam, Cully, Flynn, Tuck, Abel, Eberly, Will, Gordon, Pehr, Mick/Mxyzptlk 13. Nigel 12. Orval, Jack 11. Abraham, Zane, Ty, Randy 10. Brody 9. Sky, Yanni, Vince, Luke, Hank, Xavi 8. Cole, Matt, Chase 7. Andre, Godwin, Greg, Carter, Estes, Seamus 6. Michael, Caleb, Inky, Kent 5. Casper, Bartholomew, Raisin Annie, Scott, Hansel & Johann, Wats 4. Pip, Max, Little John 3. Erik, Carl, Sheldon, Alvin, Ashár, Henry 2. Edward, Clark, Zeb 1. Adam <1
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