Our partner

Johnny-Jack's Musings and Some Alter Stories
Hi, all! I finally figured out a few years ago that I am multiple, having suffered yet to some degree succeeded in life with dissociative identity disorder. Like many with DID, there had been areas of and moments in my life that were confusing and dysfunctional but I could never figure out why.

I had periodic depressions and my memory was often poor. But I didn't experience the hallmarks of DID like losing chunks of time. In my search for answers I spent a fortune on books, seminars, and therapists. I considered the possibility of having DID many times, but the clues I had gave me no certainty and no therapist helped me focus on the potential root cause of my problems. Blocked awareness and inaccessible memories are how DID works. A blessing in childhood, problematic later.

Several years ago, trauma memories started coming to me in images and flashbacks, and alters "woke up" and communicated with me. It was easy to admit then that I had DID. I had always felt a bit like a counterfeit. But it was impossible to fathom how the "good" parents I remembered were randomly monstrous abusers of me as a child, psychologically, physically and sexually.

I will never, ever, ever understand how a person, let alone a parent, can hurt a small, innocent, utterly defenseless child, not once but hundreds of time. It is contrary to the most basic human instinct to nurture and protect one's offspring. But it happened. Though it wasn't necessary, I sought and discovered external proof it happened. Now I work in therapy and in life to reverse the damage these warped people caused.

In 2011 I began communicating with a teen with DID and, when it looked like he would become homeless, I hired him from across the country -- knowing it would be a challenge -- as a live-in personal assistant to cook, drive and run errands. We soon began to rely on and support each other the way healthy families do, so I adopted him. Really, I adopted them, dozens of sons and daughters.

Over the years we've learned how to attach to another person, safely and in a family context. I sometimes feel rage when I think about his parents or mine. Still, both of us are prospering. Living well is the best revenge.
User avatar
Johnny-Jack
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 3290
Joined: Sun May 29, 2011 3:07 pm
Blog: View Blog (45)
Archives
- March 2020
how we avoided an internal war
   Sat Mar 28, 2020 2:44 am

+ February 2020
+ January 2020
+ September 2019
+ November 2018
+ October 2018
+ January 2018
+ October 2017
+ July 2017
+ June 2017
+ May 2017
+ April 2017
+ January 2017
+ December 2016
+ September 2015
+ July 2015
+ April 2015
+ March 2015
+ January 2015
+ October 2014
+ September 2014
+ August 2014
+ April 2014
+ October 2013
+ August 2013
+ March 2013
+ December 2012
+ May 2012
+ April 2012
+ March 2012
+ November 2011
+ September 2011
+ August 2011
+ July 2011
Search Blogs

A little about Henry

Permanent Linkby Johnny-Jack on Mon Sep 01, 2014 3:28 am

Henry, a two year old who feels "lost," appeared at a restaurant in Salem, MA several months ago. He visited the body very briefly earlier this week and unlike with the others I had absolutely no sense of why he is her and a part of us. I can't tell if he's traumatized or not. He just feels lost, like he doesn't know where he is or what's going on. This is completely the norm for the first visits of new alters. They just woke up from a long sleep and as far as they know they're the age they were when they went to sleep.

I went to the same restaurant and he just came out again, no trigger. I was very dissociated after he was up front and he was in and out. We were mixed, me in front at times, but unable to function fully as myself. Thinking clear thoughts was a real challenge. Decision-making was impossible. My brain felt like cotton and it was all giving me a headache. For all my other alters, I see, hear or sense things that tip me off what happened to them or why they're here, something key about them. But Henry is just a sweet little kid, I guess, somewhere between two and three. I don't know how I'm sure about even that. He spoke to Nic a bit. But everything else is a mystery.

Dx = DID. My blog. My personal Periodic Table of 78 alters.
Ab Ad Al Am An Ar As Ba Be Br Ca Cb Ch Cl Cm Cn Co Cp Ct Cu Cv D Eb Ed Er Es F Fl Ga Gd Go Gr Gw He Hk Hs Ht I J Jh Jk Jn Jy Ke Ki Kn Ky Li Lu Md Mi Mt Mx Mz Ne Ni O Pe Pi Q Ra Rd Ry Sc Se Sh Sk Sx Tk Ty U V Wa Wi X Y Ze Zn


Forum rules
2 Comments Viewed 29909 times
Comments

Re: A little about Henry

Permanent Linkby Johnny-Jack on Sat Sep 27, 2014 10:50 pm

In therapy when bringing up Henry there was the knowing that he was triggered forward by a dog on the wall. I don't recall there being a dog but it was kind of a trendy, funky place and there were weird amoeba-like creatures on the wall walking down a hall towards the bathroom and maybe in the bathrooms? But as I recall he came forward into the body before that. I'll need to go back to that place to figure it out, and maybe learn why the dog (a cartoon?) held significance for him. It's scary to think that if we hadn't gone in there and gotten triggered, Henry might still be lost.
Dx = DID. My blog. My personal Periodic Table of 78 alters.
Ab Ad Al Am An Ar As Ba Be Br Ca Cb Ch Cl Cm Cn Co Cp Ct Cu Cv D Eb Ed Er Es F Fl Ga Gd Go Gr Gw He Hk Hs Ht I J Jh Jk Jn Jy Ke Ki Kn Ky Li Lu Md Mi Mt Mx Mz Ne Ni O Pe Pi Q Ra Rd Ry Sc Se Sh Sk Sx Tk Ty U V Wa Wi X Y Ze Zn


Forum rules
User avatar
Johnny-Jack
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 3290
Joined: Sun May 29, 2011 3:07 pm
Blog: View Blog (45)

Re: A little about Henry

Permanent Linkby Johnny-Jack on Fri Jun 17, 2016 2:56 am

The dog cartoon on the wall reminded him of our aunt's dog Poochey, whom we loved. Henry is our alter who came out whenever our mother lost us, wandered away in her own dissociative confusion or perhaps even lost us deliberately. He was perpetually lost because that was his job, to come out when we got lost and were left alone. He stayed calm and waited until our mother (one of her good alters) would come back and find us.
Dx = DID. My blog. My personal Periodic Table of 78 alters.
Ab Ad Al Am An Ar As Ba Be Br Ca Cb Ch Cl Cm Cn Co Cp Ct Cu Cv D Eb Ed Er Es F Fl Ga Gd Go Gr Gw He Hk Hs Ht I J Jh Jk Jn Jy Ke Ki Kn Ky Li Lu Md Mi Mt Mx Mz Ne Ni O Pe Pi Q Ra Rd Ry Sc Se Sh Sk Sx Tk Ty U V Wa Wi X Y Ze Zn


Forum rules
User avatar
Johnny-Jack
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 3290
Joined: Sun May 29, 2011 3:07 pm
Blog: View Blog (45)

Who is online

Registered users: Bing [Bot], gllix, Google [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, Majestic-12 [Bot], Philonoe