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Johnny-Jack's Musings and Some Alter Stories
Hi, all! I finally figured out a few years ago that I am multiple, having suffered yet to some degree succeeded in life with dissociative identity disorder. Like many with DID, there had been areas of and moments in my life that were confusing and dysfunctional but I could never figure out why.

I had periodic depressions and my memory was often poor. But I didn't experience the hallmarks of DID like losing chunks of time. I spent a small fortune on books, seminars, and therapists. I looked into the possibility of having DID many times, but the clues gave me no certainty and no therapist helped me focus on the potential root cause of my problems. Blocked awareness and inaccessible memories are how DID works. A blessing in childhood, problematic later.

Several years ago, trauma memories started coming to me in images and flashbacks, and alters "woke up" and communicated with me. It was easy to admit that I had DID -- I had always felt a bit like a counterfeit -- but really hard to fathom how the "good" parents I remembered were randomly monstrous abusers of me as a child, psychologically, physically and sexually.

I will never, ever, ever understand how a person can hurt a small, innocent, utterly defenseless child, especially their own child, and not once but hundreds of time. It seems contrary to every human instinct. But it happened. And though it wasn't necessary, I sought and discovered external proof it happened. Now I work in therapy and in life to reverse the damage these warped people caused.

In 2011 I began communicating with a teen with DID and, when it looked like he would become homeless, I hired him, knowing it would be a challenge, as a live-in personal assistant for cooking, errands and driving. We quickly began to rely on and support each other the way healthy families do, so a couple years later I adopted him. Really, I adopted them. Over the years we've learned how to attach to another person, safely and in a family context. The best revenge is living well.
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A little about Henry

Permanent Linkby Johnny-Jack on Mon Sep 01, 2014 3:28 am

Henry, a two year old who feels "lost," appeared at a restaurant in Salem, MA several months ago. He visited the body very briefly earlier this week and unlike with the others I had absolutely no sense of why he is her and a part of us. I can't tell if he's traumatized or not. He just feels lost, like he doesn't know where he is or what's going on. This is completely the norm for the first visits of new alters. They just woke up from a long sleep and as far as they know they're the age they were when they went to sleep.

I went to the same restaurant and he just came out again, no trigger. I was very dissociated after he was up front and he was in and out. We were mixed, me in front at times, but unable to function fully as myself. Thinking clear thoughts was a real challenge. Decision-making was impossible. My brain felt like cotton and it was all giving me a headache. For all my other alters, I see, hear or sense things that tip me off what happened to them or why they're here, something key about them. But Henry is just a sweet little kid, I guess, somewhere between two and three. I don't know how I'm sure about even that. He spoke to Nic a bit. But everything else is a mystery.

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Re: A little about Henry

Permanent Linkby Johnny-Jack on Sat Sep 27, 2014 10:50 pm

In therapy when bringing up Henry there was the knowing that he was triggered forward by a dog on the wall. I don't recall there being a dog but it was kind of a trendy, funky place and there were weird amoeba-like creatures on the wall walking down a hall towards the bathroom and maybe in the bathrooms? But as I recall he came forward into the body before that. I'll need to go back to that place to figure it out, and maybe learn why the dog (a cartoon?) held significance for him. It's scary to think that if we hadn't gone in there and gotten triggered, Henry might still be lost.
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Dx = DID. My blog. My personal Periodic Table of alters.
Ab Ad Al Am An Ar As Ba Be Br Ca Cb Ch Cl Cm Cn Co Cp Ct Cu Cv D Eb Ed Er Es F Fl Ga Gd Go Gr Gw He Hk Hs Ht I J Jh Jk Jn Jy Ke Ki Kn Ky Li Lu Md Mi Mt Mx Mz Ne Ni O Pe Pi Q Ra Rd Ry Sc Se Sh Sk Sx Tk Ty U V Wa Wi X Y Ze Zn
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Re: A little about Henry

Permanent Linkby Johnny-Jack on Fri Jun 17, 2016 2:56 am

The dog cartoon on the wall reminded him of our aunt's dog Poochey, whom we loved. Henry is our alter who came out whenever our mother lost us, wandered away in her own dissociative confusion or perhaps even lost us deliberately. He was perpetually lost because that was his job, to come out when we got lost and were left alone. He stayed calm and waited until our mother (one of her good alters) would come back and find us.
Forum rules

Dx = DID. My blog. My personal Periodic Table of alters.
Ab Ad Al Am An Ar As Ba Be Br Ca Cb Ch Cl Cm Cn Co Cp Ct Cu Cv D Eb Ed Er Es F Fl Ga Gd Go Gr Gw He Hk Hs Ht I J Jh Jk Jn Jy Ke Ki Kn Ky Li Lu Md Mi Mt Mx Mz Ne Ni O Pe Pi Q Ra Rd Ry Sc Se Sh Sk Sx Tk Ty U V Wa Wi X Y Ze Zn
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Johnny-Jack
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