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The Ice Chest... **Triggers**

Permanent Linkby salted lipstick on Mon Jul 04, 2011 1:53 pm

Today has been a difficult day... I went to see my therapist this morning.

One part was talking about feeling awful body memories of being extremely chilled to the bone. With the cold feeling comes this lack of energy that seems to mean we can't really move and an awful feeling "down there". Then a child part came out and said that another part keeps saying we were put in an "ice chest" and asked what that was... I've also never heard that term other than when that part inside says it so I wanted to know too... My therapist explained that it was a deep freezer, lying on it's side with a lid. Then the child part said "with a lock?" as there has always been an image in our head of exactly what he described, except that it had a lock... It's the first time I've connected the body memory with the image and the knowledge that I was put in there... Probably raped afterwards...

I feel incredibly sad at this knowledge. I was still reeling a bit after the session.

My therapist looked so sad when I was talking to him about this stuff. It makes it so much easier for me to tell him stuff when he has those really pained looking eyes. Like a big, harmless puppy dog. He makes me feel better by looking like that because it makes me realize how not all people are mean and sadistic like my abusers.

The session was difficult and it's meant that I have felt really drained for the rest of the day. I just came home and lay in bed. I haven't been able to manage much else for the rest of the day... I helped cook risotto with my housemate, that's about all. I was really glad he invited me to cook risotto with him, it was really yummy, comforting food after having to confront some really awful stuff...

In a way, I am not defined by my dissociation. In a way, I am.

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Re: The Ice Chest... **Triggers**

Permanent Linkby HoneyLancaster on Tue Jul 05, 2011 6:51 am

ooh that is such a sad thing to know. Im so very very sorry. Comfort food definitly needed. *hugs* :)
[color=#FF40BF]God will Give me nothing i cannot handle--i just wish he didn't trust me so much!

[color=#0000BF]PM me if you wanna talk
.[/color][/color]
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Re: The Ice Chest... **Triggers**

Permanent Linkby salted lipstick on Tue Jul 05, 2011 2:43 pm

Thanks Honey, I appreciate the support...
In a way, I am not defined by my dissociation. In a way, I am.

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Re: The Ice Chest... **Triggers**

Permanent Linkby CrackedGirl on Wed Jul 06, 2011 5:43 am

I am so sorry hon. That must have been awful. I am thinking of you.

Hugs

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So long and thanks for all the fish

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Re: The Ice Chest... **Triggers**

Permanent Linkby salted lipstick on Wed Jul 06, 2011 1:41 pm

Thanks Cracked...

Hugs to you too...
In a way, I am not defined by my dissociation. In a way, I am.

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