I have done a lot of thinking and i have come up with a ultimatum.
I have asked myself if i had a mother with a disease or a problem what kind of a problem would i like her to have? A mental one or a physical one? Which one is the most liable for me? Yes know this sounds egoistic but this place isn`t for normal talk.
So i know this person who has a medical liability in her family not her mother but nevertheless a problem.
IF you have read ALL my threads, ALL my blogs in here, then you will understand where i am coming from.
It takes a long time to get a mental disease. It takes a lot of wrongs in your life. And the question is can it be fixed?
Lets say you have a mother in a wheel chair..she gets the help she needs from nurses, medications etc..and she is still "working" its "just" that she is paralysed from the waist down. Having had some experience with a wheel chair user i know they get a lot of help. They have special taxies that drives them around and get the help they need, although they have a lot of obstacles to get around with a lot of hassle. And if you are going on a holiday you need to take in consideration to her needs.
She has probably got some mental disappointment that she is in a wheel chair but she has been that way all her life ( i actually know someone in a wheel chair who got pregnant, think she was in it all her life?)
So if i were to choose between a mentally stable mother who cared for me the way a mother should or a distant mother who might suffer from BPD and have married a very manipulative stepfather, and plus ALL the problems i have mentioned in here. I would have chosen the wheel chair.
I am not hating on people with BPD and not blaming it for all of my problems neither.
Its many things included in here that is not mentioned in here but in my other blogs.
My mother was so indisive because of her problems first of all, she struggle with her family in the early years, but also she struggled with abandonment problems. So i suspect she was afraid of being abandoned by her father because he could seem so careless sometimes (which is explained in a thread).
I think my mother has developed BPD ever since her childhood.
My grandpa was a little out of the ordinary.
And then she got a dominating/manipulating husband on top of that, which made her abandon me.
It really sucks not being able to say that you love your parents. It sucks because people might hold it against you like one of my ex`s did to me once. He said that people in their country who defied their parents would be cut up in 1000 pieces in the olden days. No really its true!
He understood that i had a problem with my parents even if i didn`t talk about it.
Guess he didn`t know how to respond to it so he just told me that story instead.
Even if i have never seen anyone been cut up in 1000 pieces, i have gotten some argumentative responses from people who somehow knew i had problems with my mother, but didn`t know what exactly those problems were. (Mostly elder people).
I once read a book that was called "how to raise a child from A-Z.. Hahaha the irony....what a great title...know where i found that book? In my parents bookshelf.
Yes i was working with children when i was younger and stumbled upon it.
For some reason i ended up on the letter "J" and on the page that handled "jealousy".
Don`t know if they have changed what it stood there since then? But back then it said that sibling rivalry often accumulated into jealousy. Then it said " sisters don`t automatically love each other" WHAT!???
I remember i was a big question mark when i read that. How could such a good and well written book write something like that?
They don`t love each other?
Really?
I thought all siblings loved each other 
NOPE! There is was in black and white, just because they are in the same family doesn`t...
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