I'm Gwenn um, i exist. I have my story that i want to say aloud for the first time. I have Somatoform disorder. i struggle with anxiety on a daily basis and everyday is a struggle for me. I am a teen and have diagnosed for 8 months but i have had pain for 1 year. A year ago today i couldn't walk and it was the beginning of my somatoform disorder. I just name a weak ago Shadow.
i have to wake up every morning and go to school. I have pain 24-7. i don't have a choice in this. People tell me its not real but for me it is. Its a part of my life. a big one. My therapists tells me that i have had Shadow for 9 years. I grew up up in a double alcoholic for many years. My father worked in Boston and my mother was always drunk. " Its really true." I did whatever i wanted. i did not exist.
I started to get worse. Shadow has been getting on my nerves. I can wake up in the morning and i say out loud, " Today will be a good day." Sometimes it works and i have a good day. I want Shadow to leave but that really is not an option. Today my dads girlfriend tried to compare herself to me and told me that i could turn Shadow off. I said, " No i can't there is no off switch. i can't turn it off i don't have a choice." i say to her. She tried to fight with me.
" Gwenn You did this to yourself you can stop it. Shadow does not exist. it does not real." she says to me.
" No Your an alcoholic and you will always be. I will have Shadow or i will say i had Shadow for a part of my life. Don't tell me it does not exist cause your telling me that i don't exist. Take me home. " i say to her
Is anyone there? Is there someone like me? Please if there is is Please talk to me.