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Dusterly
Consumer 2
Consumer 2
 
Posts: 40
Joined: Thu Feb 27, 2014 2:42 am
Blog: View Blog (12)
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- March 2014
Sexual Assault Victim to Survivor
   Sun Mar 30, 2014 4:27 pm
Marriage
   Sun Mar 09, 2014 10:22 pm
What When Why War?
   Tue Mar 04, 2014 11:08 pm
Nature
   Sun Mar 02, 2014 1:14 pm
Something I rarely talk about...and I don't know why
   Sat Mar 01, 2014 11:00 pm

+ February 2014
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Sexual Assault Victim to Survivor

Permanent Linkby Dusterly on Sun Mar 30, 2014 4:27 pm

The Death of a 19 yr old Sailor

While in the U.S. Navy at age 19, a transport had just an hour previous, brought me to my new ship, in port at a tropical island, and scheduled to leave in just 24 hours. I had quite a time for the previous 7 weeks, 5 of them spent at Subic Bay Philippines, where I worked in a holding company and met in the town of Olongopo, a beautiful woman named Evelyn. We spent most of our free time together, and I like many young sailors, fell in love and even wanted to marry Evelyn, despite a 3 month pregnancy by a sailor that had abandoned her. Our parting was sad, I missed her, and the brief time at this new port, had me wanting to stay aboard ship, yet I was ordered ashore.

The officer that gave that order, offered a cab ride into town as my $98 a month wage was down to a meager $2.25, and my cigarettes at one half a pack, left me wondering what kind of liberty this was going to be. Little did I know at that time, it would fall somewhere between terror and horror. I made my way down an empty sidewalk pointed in that direction by the officer who had proceeded on to the post office. At the end of a row of stores, I got into a scuffle with 6 Russian sailors yelling "###$ Yankee, ###$ U.S.A.!" One had even pulled a knife, threatened to stab me "in gut", but his superior dissuaded him from that. I exchanged punches with the knife wielder after he hit me in the right shoulder. The whole event lasted less than a minute, they departed, and I went into the store, a gift shop, to settle down. Walking to the store's rear, browsing and saying "just looking" I turned to leave. Half way towards the entrance, the shaking began, first in my arms and then my head and neck. Now I know, that was the first time an adrenaline surge was easing inside me.

I eventually arrived at the bar I had been directed to while in the cab. There I found 5 senior petty officers from my transport. I walked up to the bartender, ordered a can of beer, drinking and thinking about where to go. The petty officers told me to go down the road a quarter mile and take a right at a long driveway, it was there they promised that I would find my new shipmates at a club.

Making my way to that place, I entered and sat at a small table, one of the few that were empty. A barmaid soon approached and took my order of one can of beer. There was music playing and I gazed around at the sailors looking for a ship's patch that may lead me to the radar gang I was trying to locate. To my dismay, all present were from the transport. The waitress soon returned with a glass of beer, I said, "this isn't what I ordered!" She replied, "that will be 3 rubles and that is your drink!" I lit a cigarette thinking, "I'm going to nurse this one, the 75 cents I have left will only buy one more." To my annoyance she came back soon urging me to drink up. I blew her off and she walked away as I took another look around the club, somewhat frustrated, only to have her return within a couple minutes again insisting that I drink up and reorder. Now pissed off and wishing I had not been ordered ashore, the beer was gulped down and I thought about leaving.

Have you ever been in a fog? Time seems to slow down and it has an eerie sense about it. That was my condition when she again returned. I was looking around at sailors wrapped in a mist, voices silent, the music muted to near nothing, able only to focus and understand that which was directly in front of me. She said, "you have to go now, you have no money and there's a cab waiting for you!" I was passive as she grabbed my hand helping me up and walking me out of that part of the club.

Out in the front foyer she handed me off to the same cab driver, he was short, pudgy, middle aged, looking much like the usual islander around there. He said in broken English, "I have looked for you, the officer gave me $10 and said I should help you find friends!" Although...

[ Continued ]

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Marriage

Permanent Linkby Dusterly on Sun Mar 09, 2014 10:22 pm

Blessed Are Those Who Have A Good Marriage

Having married twice now, failed and failing, I look ahead to possibly being alone. That thought scares me. What is it that I did wrong? Well, first off, I proposed to a childhood sweetheart, we got engaged, I was immature, and she dumped me. Then I met Anna, a beautiful Hungarian refugee, and her womanly [feminine] looks, and kind words was all it took to win me over. I overlooked the fact that her mother, who ran a matriarchal household, didn't like me. She was quite strict with her husband and often criticized him. Anna and I married, and had 4 children, 3 boys and then a daughter. I kept busy working, providing, and we never built on our early friendship. Her mom was her confidant and they talked nearly every day, in Hungarian. I picked up on the buzz words that had her father in stress, but then, often, they were directed at me.

We divorced after 16 years of marriage. She married her Hungarian boyfriend and divorced him twice. I met Sharon, my spouse within days of separating from Anna. Once again, womanly looks and kind words won me over. I was her third, and the bliss ended after 10 months. I've made the horrible mistake in both marriages of holding anger in, and then explosive anger comes out periodically. Right or wrong, I lose. I have stayed with her for the last 15 of our 25+ years together because she is physically ill. She also carries the anguish of a horrible past.

Whatever way this marriage ends, I believe I've learned a lesson. A good marriage, a long, happy one, starts with a good friendship. From that friendship, if it contains "honesty, respect, and selflessness" from both sides, perhaps a union can form. It is possible to weave Time, Love, and Trust into a marriage that no mortal can tear.

Those fortunate few who find a friend, lifetime companion, and lover have my respect and admiration. I will be very careful about wearing my heart on my sleeve from now on, and if I am so blessed to find a woman, likeminded as I am, then perhaps my future holds a good fortune.

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What When Why War?

Permanent Linkby Dusterly on Tue Mar 04, 2014 11:08 pm

Life's Hard Topics: War

Having come down from the trees, and taking to caves, prehistoric humans eventually made their first major discovery, fire. We can imagine that there were fires from volcanoes and lightning strikes in good number, but what of it? One, or few, had to approach it and discover its warmth and utility, and perhaps the obstacle they overcame was fear. Fear, and the flight or fight response it created, was abundant within them. When in the trees though, was the response to fear, "freeze"? Were they frozen in fear? Perhaps they were. Did that mind numbing feeling mostly fade, when excursions down, around, or near the trees, evolve into the fear response, fight or flight? Flight is a legitimate defense action, where freeze leaves one just basically screwed, until way down the evolutionary road offensive or defensive freeze became a tact, even a strategy. I wonder if that's what happened? When fear today causes unintended freeze, is it primal?

Yes fire enabled warmth and protection in those caves, with less fear due to many reasons, including only one access to defend. The tree dwellers must have passed along the observation that when grazing lands were on fire, animals ran, yes, the animals were afraid of fire were they not, and now humans could largely control it. Is this the first major power these early humans felt? It must have been a glad feeling. Of the four basic feelings glad, sad, angry, afraid there was more than likely, not much glad, up to that point. Is it possible that the new defensive and protective posture of the cave, not only kept animals out, but also weaker and less fortunate humans? No doubt, the trees, and going back to them, wasn't foremost in the minds of the unfortunates. They would have to find their own caves, and with their climbing skills, more likely than not, higher ones, until they could get their own fire.

With bigger and stronger humans in the lower caves, and more fragile but agile humans in the higher caves, two things developed that would determine their fate. [I have said the latter and all above as mere speculation from my observations of life. This story needs wheels though, and that's just the way it goes in free-writing.] So there's Harry below and Jimmy above. Harry is not concerned about Jimmy but Jimmy wants fire. Carrying combustibles up there is going to be difficult, as well as the fire to start them. Harry has a problem, he's content in his warm and relatively safe environment, while Jimmy is becoming ever more evolved, because of one major advantage he has over Harry, which Harry caused, by chasing Jimmy upstairs. Jimmy is "thinking" and becoming James, and one day, he will be doing wall art in Harry's former home.

"Harry, how's it going down there? I saw your women come running from gathering fruit. They dropped it! Was that one of those big four legged, large toothed, scary things that ate your distant cousin out on the savannah?" James didn't say this, but he did observe it. His crew was up top, and so were the fruit vines and their luscious crop, that was within easy pickings, supplying not only vitamin C, and fiber, but sugars that would become carbs, those same carbs that help produce serotonin. The birds' nests at that level also supplied eggs with abundant protein, which supplied the serotonin essential amino acid Tryptophan. James was becoming more "chilled out", yes, his food was doing this, and he was getting a handle on FEAR . James's critical thinking skills were developing at record pace, compared to Harry's. Meanwhile down below, Harry and his clan buds were mostly dining on meat, once eaten raw, but now roasted. Harry discovered this culinary art when he threw a bone, with some bits of meat and fat on it, in to the fire. He was smitten with roasts after the first wiff, of not meat, but the burned fat. "Now Harry, I like a good ribeye steak that I get from my local butcher here in Amish Country, but...

[ Continued ]

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Nature

Permanent Linkby Dusterly on Sun Mar 02, 2014 1:14 pm

In Nature's Hands

I will never forget the day Nature touched me, her gentle breeze as if saying "hello", her many sounds warming my heart and touching my soul. I was 12 years old, and on one of my family's many fishing trips to Canada. These are some of the fondest memories of my youth in a family of eight, my loving parents, and I the 5th of 6 children, 3 boys and 3 girls. There would have been 9 but my dear mother had lost 3, one in the 2nd trimester. My grandparents came to the United States at the turn of the 20th century. My paternal grandparents were from Slovenia and my maternal from Lithuania and Russia. They made a good life here, although it wasn't easy at first, as there was prejudice against immigrants and their religion as well, paternal Catholic, and maternal a Catholic grandfather, and grandmother of Jewish Faith, who converted to his religion.

My father was a spiritual man, my mother religious, but somehow they balanced each other and we children were the beneficiaries of that union. If you arrived in New York at the turn of the century as Irish, Italian or Jew there were communities where you had a better chance of going amongst your people to get a foothold in America's freedom. My grandparents moved west to Pennsylvania and Ohio to find theirs. One thing is for sure, they knew the land, and the land, no matter how meager their foothold, yielded subsistence in the way of the small amount of flora and fauna they cared for at their urban homes, with yards managed to the square foot. I like to think that their love for nature, and that of my parents, planted the seed in me that would begin to grow that day on the Ottawa.

We Greet for the First Time

I was transfixed at that moment, standing at a glistening tiny bay just above the rapids, that moments earlier were rolling their tune of water against rocks and boulders. That powerful song was now muted, as the distant mountains had me at awe with their beauty and grandeur. Reflecting back, I know that for so long, I had looked but did not see the beauty of the vista at this particular fishing spot. Soon the water filled song returned as a serenade, and I began to take in more beauty. There was a magnificent Oak tree to my right and it took an infinite sky to frame something so big. My mom had given me some silver plated tea spoons which I cut the handles off of, drilled holes on either end, adding an attachment ring and treble hook, presenting them to the abundant Northern Pike, Esox americanus, that frequented the upper and lower pools of the rapids. I gathered up these treasures, my knife, and box of worms as I wanted to stroll through the woods back to the cabin, taking it all in while also stopping at a spring along the path. It was a warm July day and that beautiful spring enclosed by rocks placed there long ago, had a place to kneel and sip ice cold water from the distant mountains, as the local French Canadian Indians told me.

This day, my feelings, and my awakened senses would be my secret, kept from my family, because I was in love for the first time in my young life with a beautiful woman named Nature. To my delight our 2 weeks there got extended for me. My grandfather and uncle came with us each year, looking back though, I see why they eventually decided to come up on their own a week after our trip. Imagine the stress 6 kids can cause. Gratefully, I was quiet and independent besides being a near carbon copy of my paternal grandpa. He and my uncle wanted me to stay in the care of the camp owners until they arrived, so my stay in total was 5 weeks. I had chores to do like cleaning fish, gathering wood, and my favorite, hauling water from the spring. My free time was spent with 2 French Canadian Indians my age, who taught me French foot fighting and woodland survival craft. My next oldest brother of 4 years may disagree, but in some ways I was more mature than him, and I felt this from my father who began to teach me the art of working with...

[ Continued ]

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Something I rarely talk about...and I don't know why

Permanent Linkby Dusterly on Sat Mar 01, 2014 11:00 pm

Dream Of My Infancy

When I was 10-11 months old I had a vivid dream that I remember these 60+ years later. I know it was at that age because I asked my mom the age when I first escaped from my crib. I asked her that at age 10. The dream I remember happened around the time of that escape, and the word I thought when escaping was "freedom" but the dream much more. I remember a wonderful glad feeling when standing free on the nursery floor. I also remember age 2, and my birthday at age 3 when I was in the carton a gift came in, in fact, I remember all the way back to that day of freedom, not everything, but main events, and curious little things.

The Dream

Picture yourself in the darkness of outer space on a golden four posted platform moving forward, the glow illuminating just that area. That is how the dream started. At each of the four posts was a benevolent cherub, smiling and reassuring. Soon though, there was the sound of calamity; I had no fear though but witnessed a change in the cherubs' faces, once smiling, now distraught. There was a commotion to my right at the rear post, and I looked towards there. That cherub was hanging on to the post with one arm and fighting off a cherub of the same size but by comparison, different, and emanating rage. This is what I saw but it invoked in me a want to watch, interested but unafraid. At that moment, the cherub hanging on and fighting told me, "do not look at it again or it will take you!" I turned away as a matter of obedience not fear, and began to realize the fight was for me. The other three cherubs said, "hold on!" and I felt the platform thrust forward. I must say that at that moment the need for safety and security, lacking just prior, came over me. I knew the good cherub had let go and was now in full battle with what I must say was evil. I felt that I missed him or her as that knowledge was not yet revealed.

As we moved forward, soon the sound of trumpets overwhelmed the calamity going on behind us. I looked to my right and slightly forward as a majestic white elephant with a male rider appeared. The elephant was bedazzled in jewels with a gold saddle much more like a platform. On this magnificent creature was also a huge sapphire with diamonds centered on its forehead. The rider was princely and authoritative, his clothes and turban royal purple and gold also adorned in jewels. Relief was the expression emanating from the cherubs with me, and there was a feeling of delight as grey elephants and more good cherubs fought off the evil that was present and returned the one I had grown to miss.

When all was secure we were bid farewell by our rescuers and the platform making its way through the darkness soon revealed a distant Earth. They said, "We must soon let go of you, don't be afraid!" Soon after I emerged from the darkness into the outstretched arms of a doctor in white mask and gown into the light made brighter by the one over his shoulder. At age four while at a visit to our family doctor, the one who delivered me, I recognized it was him with the outstretched arms and the O.R. light behind him when I entered this world.

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