Psychology and Mental Health Forum


https://www.psychforums.com/blog/CrackedGirl/index_sid-812a3b276b53d0d8babbcc594af4c6c1_start-120.html
Author:  CrackedGirl [ Thu Sep 08, 2011 4:48 pm ]
Blog Subject:  Yes (No)
Well the saying no did not last long. The person in question phoned yesterday and asked if she could come over. I asked her to come in the day but she said she would rather come in the evening so she arrived. Marvellous.

She also asked if she could have my poncho which my friend crocheted for me - lol. I did say no to that one!

Am having a bit of a tired day - things have been busy and I am doing a lot, another issue of not saying no. Am considering going for a nap but I think it will mean I dont sleep, when my sleep is already messed up.

The more I think about it, the more i think about how the inability to say a 2 letter word and replace it with a 3 letter one has a lot to answer for in my life and I really need to work on this. i even wrote a song about it at one point - quite a good one, if I do say so myself.

So what to do. Maybe I should practice saying no to one thing every day. Today's has been my teeth hurt and I should see the dentist - NO! Tho I am not sure that counts lol.

Well I trust you are all OK and getting along nicely with your days/nights.

Cracked
Author:  CrackedGirl [ Tue Sep 06, 2011 9:12 pm ]
Blog Subject:  Today
Well today we got our pics taken for the choir CD which means we will get the CDs soon - very exciting. Wehad a listen to the master last week and without sounding boastful we sound GOOD.

Feeling quite proud of myself today because I made some boundaries. The girl who has a tendancy to show up on my door phoned me as she is in another crisis and was waiting to see HTT. She later got them to speak to me and they asked if she could come and stay the night. I actually said NO and that I thought it would be better for her to see me during the day. I felt mean doing it but also empowered like I am learning to say no when it is appropriate.

Saying no has always been a problem for me, that is probably an abuse issue and it is one I need to work on in therapy but today was a good step in the right direction.

I have been asked to do a session for volunteers in the music group I attend. I was sent the questions today - they are quite hardcore. The woman in charge will ask me them in front of the new volunteers, so I need to get some idea of what I am going to say. Still if I can help then I really want to. Also got a potential gig coming up this weekend so need to think about what to sing for that.

Slept terribly last night, did not eat much yesterday then there was this program about food on in the middle of the night so I had to make a sandwich as I was suddenly hungry, then I felt guilty for eating then I could not sleep and on and on ad infinitum. I am so neurotic... :roll:

So there is a new Cracked in town - one who says NO! Hurrah!

Hope you are all OK.

Cracked
Author:  CrackedGirl [ Sat Sep 03, 2011 1:43 pm ]
Blog Subject:  The Fire
This is on my mind today and I have tried to put it out of there but it is not working so I have decided to blog about it.

We lived in the north of Nigeria which is very politically and religiously unstable. My parents were missionaries of a theological college and my Dad was the principal of it. We were white ppl in a black community and christians in a muslim fundamentalist area.

One day we got word that there were ppl coming to attack the college. I could not understand why we did not flee, instead we went to the college chapel to pray and I got into trouble for having my eyes open as that was not considered proper praying.

We then went back to the house and waited there til my Dad said we had to go upstairs and started closing all the downstairs shutters.

Next thing I remember was being in my parents' bedroom with a tea chest agaainst the door and sitting on the bed. Ppl were shouting in Hausa that they were going to kill us through the door and my Dad was shouting back. I understood what they were saying.

I remember hearing splashing of liquid but did not know what it was. Then being told to lie down on the floor by the bed - I was worried about scorpions. i remember the room filling with smoke and my parents talking to each other.

We decided to move through to me and my sister's bedroom and my parents told us to hide under the bed. I later found out they were worried because we had flammable and explosive material in the house.

After some time I remember my Dad saying that they were leaving and showed me - in the maize field in the distance I could see a bunch of teenage boys running away. Turns out the local village who were Muslim had managed to call them off.

We had corrugated iron gutters in our mud house and we climbed out onto them and were handed down to ppl to rescue us. I remember being worried about not having any flip flops on as we could get bugs in our feet.

I remember seeing the hen house explode as we stored kerosene in it.

We had to say goodbye to everyone and I was made to go and say goodbye to my abusers. One put his hand in my knickers and did some bad things.

Then we spent the night in Zaria before being taken to the British High Commission in a bullet proof car. We spent a week with them then flew back to the UK.

Cracked
Author:  CrackedGirl [ Fri Sep 02, 2011 4:25 pm ]
Blog Subject:  Alcoholic Friend
I got an upsetting phone call this morning. Yesterday my friend with alcohol problems picked me up from my psych appt and then we went on to pick up her daughter and take her to college to register. My friend came back to my house to pick up a CD I had bought for her and then went to pick up her daughter again. She was fine and not pissed.

I get this phone call today saying she had smashed the front of the car and burst the front tyre. Then got drunk and was unconcious and not answering questions.

Her mum has asked me not to contact her until I am told I am allowed and I am upset as she seemed to imply all this was my fault and I am not sure how that can be. I am not to contact the family at all and if my friend tries to contact me I am to ignore her. They want to sort her out. Quite how cutting out one of her best friends from her life is going to help this I am not sure. Plus I am cross - I am not the one pouring this down her throat and I dont know why I seem to be held to blame for what is going on. I dont think I am being paranoid that def seemed to be the message I was getting. Plus her daughter is my God-daughter and I dont know what to do about contacting her.

I am so worried about my friend and now I will have no way of knowing how she is. It sucks really.

Please send supportive vibes her way. Thanks

Cracked
Author:  CrackedGirl [ Wed Aug 31, 2011 12:24 pm ]
Blog Subject:  I'm In Love With A Morris Dancer
Sang Folk On (Folk Off!) at the lovely Greenbelt. So no morris dancer snogging for me but just a bloody funny band. As for the streaking you cheeky monkeys the most naked I got was a babywipe wash in the portaloos.

Soooooo what have I been up to? Greenbelt is an liberal christian arts, music, and comedy festival. There is some God squad stuff there but on the whole I tend to avoid that, or most of it. I concentrate on the music, the comedy and the Jesus Arms, which does a very good cider (Crazy Goat)! I am shattered and more than a little high I think. What were some highlights?

Mark Thomas - a comedian who walked the Palestianian wall and told us about it. Extremely funny with little bit in between that suddenly made you want to cry. Think likely the first time the c word has been used by a speaker at Greenbelt
Friday night mainstage - 3 of my favourite singers/bands (Show of Hands, Martyn Joseph and Billy Bragg) so a folky night. So good even tho it was pissing down with rain.
Last orders a comedy and music thing at night with highlights from the day including every night Folk On who are a piss take folk band and absolutely hysterical.
Chilling at the tent at 3am drinking beer and herbal tea with my fab friend
The Jesus Arms, nuff said
Open air communion was awesome around 30000 ppl and the best music and speaking
Talking to random ppl and making new friends - got offered a job!

The first time I was ever told about this festival I thought no thank you it is Christian and i have too much baggage and I dont want to go to some bible bashing event. But i am so glad i did as i have discovered a gem. in the past i have totally lost my mind at festivals and here everyone is so kind nothing gets nicked and it is lefty, which is good for me. And it is not somewhere where ppl care about your faith and exclude you if you dont think a certain way - it is about the arts.

So other than being a little on the tired side, somewhat hypo and needing to not drink alcohol for a while Cracked is great! Going to put my pics on my computer in a mo. Then up on FB.

Missed you all, hope you are OK. Ooh just to form not unpacked and not had a shower yet. Need to do that really hehehe.

Thinking of you all

Cracked
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