Psychology and Mental Health Forum


https://www.psychforums.com/blog/CrackedGirl/index_sid-c64d7146fd591a85401ff39251ee3c4f_start-125.html
Author:  CrackedGirl [ Thu Aug 25, 2011 9:23 am ]
Blog Subject:  Festivalling
I am so excited about Greenbelt starting tom and finishing Monday evening tho must not repeat last year where I got so manic I got admitted! I dont think that will be an issue this year tho. Tom night the line up is fantastic! And the rest of the weekend will be pretty darn cool too :D

Only thing is has Cracked packed yet? Er no...I have done some laundry but it is still not dry and I have an array of camping stuff scattered in my dining room but this has not thus far made it to the rucksack. Oops. So what am I doing, I am on the computer and watching telly.

Well it wont take long and I have done the important bits ie got the tent and tickets somewhere where I wont forget them - that would be bad. Looking forward to trying out my new backpack too. I treated myself when high a little while back - a nice new bipolar purchase :wink:

So I hope you all have a good weekend and I shall be back early next week.

Look after yourselves

Cracked
Author:  CrackedGirl [ Tue Aug 23, 2011 5:19 pm ]
Blog Subject:  GMC Guy
Man am I tired. Saw Mr GMC Man today. He was not too encouraging. I still have to wait and wait to be stable enough to be ready to go back to work. At least another year - which is what he seems to tell me everytime I see him.

He also said that I would need to rethink my speciality as cannot go back to anaesthetics. Tho he has not ruled out Acute Med, even tho he seemed iffy about it. He said I had to accept I have a condition and the limitations that come along with that. I hate that. I dont want to have limitations.

My therapist is great. I texted her about how bad I was feeling about yesterday and she reassured me. Probably not good I am so dependent on her but atm that is how I feel.

TBH I can't wait til Greenbelt as it will be an opportunity to get away from everything for a bit tho of course I will miss you all :wink:

Sorry I have been on a bit of a downer, just a bit of a hard core few days and got occy health tom as well tho that should not be too bad.

Well I did manage to get some more chores done today so that is good. Need to start thinking about packing and stuff.

Hope you are all OK and thinking of anyone in Libya or who knows ppl there.

Cracked
Author:  CrackedGirl [ Mon Aug 22, 2011 12:38 pm ]
Blog Subject:  Therapy
I was so scared about seeing my therapist today after the text that I was awake at 2. She reassured me about it but I could not seem to get engaged and she picked up on it and commented on it and now I feel like I have failed somehow. Like I want to be a good client and I was not today.

It improved after we did a visualisation which I think explained why I was feeling so out of it to do with stuff that happened to me but then the session was over. She said I seemed a lot better after that.

I texted her to apologise but feel bad. It has messed with my head. She also said I seemed sad and distant.

Maybe I should go to sleep and forget about this for a while but that is not good. I think I am stuck in child mode. I am not sure. I just feel weird.

Sorry I thought blogging this would help but it is probably just a pile of waffle and I am still thinking about it - prob because I am censoring myself, never good.

Now the question is what can I do to distract myself? Perhaps go to the shops and hoover? Or the washing up. Or go to sleep. Hmmm.

Anyhow hope all are OK.

Thinking of you - I am going to do something useful and stop feeling sorry for myself.

Cracked
Author:  CrackedGirl [ Sun Aug 21, 2011 5:08 pm ]
Blog Subject:  Spiders & Other Things
So here I was minding my own business in bed last night watching the news (what an exciting life I live) and the bloody massive spider scuttles across my bedroom floor, scuttles some more then sits there staring at me. Now I love animals but my love of animals does not extend to spiders or wasps so I put a bowl over it and have left it there. I know it is mean but I hate them so much. I know why - they trigger me to lying in the woods in Nigeria being abused. I hate them, I hate everything about them. Tom I am going to get the hoover and finally hoover my stairs and living room, and hoover up that nasty spider plus any others i find. No doubt I am coming back in another life as a dung beetle for this but I hate them - yuck, yuck, yuck.

I am also seeing my therapist tom which I am slightly nervous about as I will need to talk to her about what went on the other night, in detail and that is embarrassing. The reason I need to talk to her in detail about it is because of the triggers but I am so embarrassed to come out with the words. I am debating texting her the whole thing tonight so she knows it before I see her and that might make it easier, tho it may not as I will know she knows and be worried she is judging me. Aarrghh Cracked stop second guessing yourself!

So tom is a big day. Hoovering and therapy. Hoovering might not seem like a big deal but it is for me as I am really rubbish at ADLs. It will feel nice once it is done tho and I will feel a bit less scared of my house. As I type this I have my feet up on a chair in case a spider comes along.

I dont know whether to text her. No Cracked you need to be an adult. But I want to because it is easier. Oh I dont know. OK I will be a grown up and wait until tom and then talk to her.

Hope all are well.

Cracked
Author:  CrackedGirl [ Fri Aug 19, 2011 3:13 pm ]
Blog Subject:  Some More Legacy Of Abuse
I have a friend and we have both decided that we like each other but that he would be a bad boyfriend and I would def be a bad girlfriend but sometimes we kiss. We really like each other.

Last night we went out and it went further than kissing we got a bit carried away in the pub and then made the sensible decision to go home alone.

Today I am very confused. I have good thoughts and feelings about him and I keep saying I have done nothing wrong. But then there is this very large voice in my head that says I have been bad. I am trying to keep the good voice from winning over the bad voice but it is so difficult.

Cracked
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