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https://www.psychforums.com/blog/CrackedGirl/gmc_how_it_went_b-2310_sid-9a7a7582436fbdcf8ecb8f4eb851dbe9.html
Author:  CrackedGirl [ Sat Mar 10, 2012 10:56 am ]
Blog Subject:  GMC - How It Went
So saw GMC guy yesterday

It was difficult. I saw him at the new place for the first time. It was where I was admitted this time a year ago after a big overdose. At the time I was on constant one to one obs and I this really triggered me yesterday. It made me want to cut and overdose so someone could look after my safety and I would not have to do it. I didnt - I was sensible and looked after myself but it was not easy. I did not think it was going to trigger me as much as it did - maybe it is because it is exactly a year ago.

The meeting went as well as it could I suppose. He said he thought I was doing well and we talked about spirituality a lot which was interesting. But he asked me again if I wanted to remove my name from the register voluntarily to which I said no. He said again it would be at least a year before RTW - he always seems to say that - when does this year start??? He was also talking about specialities and thinks I would be better doing something "less stressful". I love "stressful" stuff such as anaesthetics and acute medicine or cardiology and he seemed to think I would be better suited to something like psychiatry because he feels stress "triggers" me. I would sooner eat my own eyeballs than be a psychiatrist.

Anyhow it is over for another 2 months and I am intact (ish)

Hope you are all well

Hugs

Cracked


Comments
Author:  Restored [ Sat Mar 10, 2012 1:43 pm ]
I'm glad you made it through! It always interests me how other people think they know what is best for our careers .... however i think it would be much better to go back to an area you choose and actually enjoy .... well thats how it works in my crazy little brain. Your comment about psychiatry made me giggle .... I was recently offered dermatology as an alternative eeew ..... Stick to your guns hun and make the year start from now and hold them too it it is your life and your career. Cracked the Dr is awesome anyway!

Huge hugs xxxx
Author:  CrackedGirl [ Sat Mar 10, 2012 1:55 pm ]
Honey thank you so so much. You are so lovely. Please dont go into derm either lol. I wont if you wont. I think I would sooner lick eczema than do that...

Huge hugs

Cracked
Author:  bluedragon1200 [ Sat Mar 10, 2012 3:18 pm ]
I love being a music major and the idea of being a music teacher, but both are stressful and involve a lot of work. I've known people to make themselves sick from it, who aren't bipolar. My teachers say that if I work at a smaller school I'll be ok, as all programs differ. I hope you can do what you love and stay healthy. I hate the feeling of "can I really do this with this illness"
Author:  Bettyboop [ Sat Mar 10, 2012 3:54 pm ]
I am glad the meeting went ok.
Does this guy ever talk about what exactly you need to to to be fit to work again? Like what he want to see from you?

Have you heard of a woman called Dr Liz miller? Looks her up she is a doctor with bp and was sectioned 3 times in her late 20s. She still works as a doctor and wrote a book about her illness and has recovered really well.

I think it is a good choice not to take your name off the register. I think if you took it off you would be giving up.

One of the consultants on my ward (acute med) is bipolar, she is a bit odd but she is bipolar and at consultant level. She is an inspiration to me because she has been very sick with her illness but still got to do what she wanted to.

Keep fighting cracked. You can definitely do it :)
Author:  CrackedGirl [ Sat Mar 10, 2012 3:58 pm ]
Thank you so much guys

Betty I do know Liz as she set up Doctors' Support Network which has been amazing for me. She is a very cool person.

Huge hugs to you both

Cracked
Author:  Restored [ Sat Mar 10, 2012 5:39 pm ]
I think i'll give licking eczema a miss thanks but by all means you go ahead ... Im def not going back to derm i am going back to my ward whether they agree or not.
Author:  CrackedGirl [ Sat Mar 10, 2012 7:29 pm ]
I wish there was an option to like your comment hon

HUgs

Cracked
Author:  The Petrologist [ Sun Mar 11, 2012 4:57 pm ]
*edit* double post

What is a GMC by the way?

You clearly make rational decisions and are I guess a very skilled professional, and definutely passionate about healing people as you do in this place. I'm sorry to hear they keep bugging you in a way that might obstruct your recovery/healing.
Author:  The Petrologist [ Sun Mar 11, 2012 4:58 pm ]
You need to self medicate to cope and you are brave enough to reveal it. (!)

OK, I'll share my secret then. I self medicate with clonazepam. When I couldnt get it I had to go for alternatives, diazepam mainly. I take them sparingly and have gone two - three month without them at times.

Have had doctors subscriptions for oxazepam, nitrazepam, zolpidem, zopiclon and triazolam though. Halcion was the only thing that could make me sleep. But subsciptions are hard to come by since the doctors are very restrictive to give out psychoactive drugs.

When my father died the nurses forgot to clear out all his medicine. So I found several packets of oxycontin and oxynorm. Never used any of it, but I kept them in a secret stash to mix with valium and alcohol for next time I try to kill myself.

I disposed of the stash in december after thruthfully promising my psychiatrist to not kill myself so I wouldnt have to be locked up.
Author:  flowingtears [ Sun Mar 11, 2012 7:38 pm ]
Haha, I had to laugh at your psychiatrist comment. Don't let them force you into doing anything you don't want to. Whatever you set your mind to doing, I know you'll be awesome at, whether it's "stressful" or not. (besides, maybe it's just me but wouldn't psychiatry be stressful and triggering too, just in a different way? My poor psychiatrist always looks like she's on the verge of a nervous breakdown, although that could be just from dealing with me :p )
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