On Sunday night my anger got the best of me to an extremely depressing point. I was having a nightmare of my closest friends telling me that they hate me and they never want to see me again. All of them leave, then I awoke screaming. My heart was pounding extremely fast, I was extremely angry I picked up my bedside lamp and hit my cat three times repeatedly, blood was all over of me I then cried uncontrollably, my anger left for a brief few minutes then I came quickly to rage due to my recent outburst. I felt extremely overwhelmed with guilt and I cried while holding my cat Tangly she was called.

I've not had an out of control rage like this for a while, it's a shame that my nightmares return. Just as I'm typing this now I feel a great darkness and emptiness coming over me. I feel terribly worthless, I know I will feel very different randomly in the future but I don't feel the hope, the hope has left me. All I can do is document the problems that I face, tell my psychiatrist and feel like I'm stuck in this land that I CAN'T GET OUT OF! My future is blank, I feel so much guilt and remorse, yet I feel completely empty, literally empty. I need to do something that will help me, but there is nothing.