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- February 2017
   Sat Feb 11, 2017 5:15 pm
Rough Day.
   Fri Feb 10, 2017 2:04 am

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Permanent Linkby AmandaBroken on Sat Feb 11, 2017 5:15 pm

I can not say I did not see this coming. The church I go to is very conservative. Members at one time would only allow or prefer, the men to be in suits and the women in dresses. Now things are different, men wear jeans and women pants. Although some women wear yoga pants and leggings, or tights. Some women cover up their butts by wearing long shirts, some do not. Sometimes I find myself looking at them more than I should.

When my parents were alive I always wore dresses, but after they passed away I started to wear skinny jeans, tights, short shorts, tank tops with no bra, and lots of piercings, makeup, and other stuff. The staff at the church were always telling me this was wrong but I never listened. The followed the biblical form of discipline, first, they tried to counsel me. Then they tried having me meet with 2 or 3 elders. After a while, they made an announcement in the church that I was no longer a member but I could attend if I would tone down my clothes. But I just could not do this. I liked my clothes, I was constantly buying new clothes, hot stuff and was always visiting the store "Hot Topics."

Well, they have taken the final step. They sent an email stating I was excommunicated. That I was no longer welcomed in the church. They also instructed people from the church to shun me in the hopes this would drive me to repentance. I'm kinda in shock. Not sure what to do, besides cutting. Sadly I must say I did this last night before going to bed. I just could not calm down. It's easy to say go someplace else, but where. I was born into this church it has been a part of my life now for just over 21 years. Saying I'm heart broken just doesn't say enough.

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1 out of 52 out of 53 out of 54 out of 55 out of 5

Rough Day.

Permanent Linkby AmandaBroken on Fri Feb 10, 2017 2:04 am

Today was a rough day. They are changing my counselor again. I have had some really good ones in the past. Yyvone was from Germany. She was my first counselor. She was great, smart, and funny. Her husband was being stationed overseas and she was going to join him.

My next counselor was Dru. She was so helpful. She helped me rediscover my self-worth. I still need constant reminders of this. She saw my transformation from, how shall I say this. From being very conservative in dress to the extreme, according to some, of piercings, tattoos, (I have a lovely tramp stamp of a butterfly) and lots of makeup. But not gothic, or emo, but as some in my church have expressed, a prostitute. She was promoted.

Batting in third place was a counselor whose name I do not remember. She was new, a novice as far as I was concerned and I only say her for 2 appointments.

Then came Katie. She was amazing. I loved her. She helped me accept my sexuality. I am a Lesbian, and I say that proudly. My church has abandoned me. I can come to services but they have revoked my membership. I am torn by this. My guilt over this has led to my cutting often. I know what the bible says and I am going against it.

Katie also was promoted, but along the way she had 2 children and during the time she was gone I saw Lisa.

Next week I will be seeing Michelle... I'll get back to you later on this one...

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