I don't like drinking water. My friends and relatives think I'm insane for this, but I just can't stand plain old water. It's not hydrophobia, mind you. I'm not afraid of water in any way. In fact, I happen to love swimming! But water is just so tasteless. I need to drink it in the form of tea or with one of those water flavoring things. I'll drink it if I'm really thirsty, but other than the obvious need to hydrate, I can do without water any day. Call me ridiculous if you will. You're probably right. But that's how I feel.

I don’t talk about my belly button ring all the time, but when I do, I like to have people guess how long I’ve had it because I get a kick out of their surprised reactions once I tell them I’ve had it since I was 8. No joke! My mom, bless her heart, she would go to some pretty extreme lengths to make me happy because I’ve had depression since I was a child. We were poor, so she couldn’t give me too much, but there was one thing she could do: for my 8th birthday, she pierced my belly button! One of her jobs was at a tattoo and piercing studio. She was a licensed professional, had all the proper equipment and everything, so she did it herself! And no, it didn’t even really hurt.

My mom said she did it to help me feel better about myself by being the envy of other girls who had to wait a few more years before their parents let them get one. She wasn’t wrong! Now I wouldn’t go around showing it off that much, but for my peers who knew about it, they sure were jealous! It made me feel unique from the other girls. But I loved the compliments most from relatives. All my cousins who were around my age thought it was the coolest thing ever. These were the same cousins who always had all the cool things I wish I could’ve had, so being the one to impress them for a change was nice and sweet. One of my aunts I’ve always been close to really liked it too. She’d go “It’s so cuuuute!” It would always put a big smile on my face.

Not all reactions were flattering though. My 4th grade teacher saw it poking from under my shirt one time and thought I was hiding something. When I showed him what it was, he about had a heart attack! He took me right to the office and tried reporting it, but piercing laws in our state say minors can get piercings so long as they have parental consent, so no one could do anything. I would also occasionally get those who would stare at it. One guy even touched it after my shirt rode up when I was reaching for something on a shelf. I didn’t mind it at the time, it just caught me off guard. Looking back on it though, just what a weirdo! I also had a nanny who was horrified by it at first. Only she came around later and did a total 180. She even bought me new jewelry for it. She’s always been a bit silly, lol.

I know what some of you who read this are going to be thinking: it was highly inappropriate for me to have my bellybutton pierced at 8 years old. I know belly button rings are considered “suggestive” or whatever but you know, that’s one of things that everyone only thinks so because everyone else does! If ear piercings were considered such, you’d be saying the same thing about young girls getting earrings. And again, my mom did to make me feel better about myself. Which it did! It wasn’t against my will either. She asked me if I wanted one and I said yes! So if it’s not hurting anybody in any way, what’s the problem? Have an open mind. ...

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I always found bugs intriguing! I don't think there's a single one out there I don't like! A lot of people hate them or are afraid of them, but not me. Sure some of them can be annoying, destructive or harmful, but there's not one type of bug out there I can think of that where I go "Oh, I can't stand those things!" I guess the closest one that comes to any sort of dislike from me are mosquitoes. They're irritating and I'm sure they've made me sick on more than one occasion. But I don't hate them for it.

Butterflies are undoubtedly my favorite! They're always so pretty and majestic-looking. Not to mention all the different colors and patterns they have. I love seeing two butterflies flying together. It's always so cute. Someone once told me that two butterflies flying together isn't because they're mates but because they're actually fighting. Idk if that's true but whatever! It's lovely to see all the same. I see more moths than butterflies in my area, but moths can be just as interesting. What with their bulky bodies and curvier wings. Some look so alien!

Spiders are cool too. I am not afraid of spiders at all! Never have been. This is what really surprises people, lol. They always tell me how they've never met a girl who isn't afraid of spiders. Guess that makes me a rarity. I'll take it! Anyway, we get some pretty interesting spiders over here. We get tiny jumping spiders, some big gnarly ones with long legs and then some medium-sized friendly brown ones. I say friendly because I see them a lot in my area and even have let them crawl on me and they have never bitten me once! I like to feed those ones with dead flies I find near my window seal.

Ants are another one of my biggest favorites! They are so complex, yet so tiny. It's remarkable! I'm actually subscribed to a channel on YouTube called AntsCanada where I've been able to learn so much about these incredible insects! I once had a miniature ant farm my mom got me for a home science project when I was 10. But I was young and dumb and didn't properly care for them so they all died off. I still feel bad about that. I could always get another one and maybe I will someday. Too bad we don't get too many interesting ant species where I'm at. Then again, all ants are inherently interesting, so that's whatever.

Beetles are insects I rarely see, not counting ladybugs and boxelders. But I've always loved seeing the big ones! There were two separate times growing up where I swear we had a little invasion of a certain type of beetle that would keep appearing in my home. The first were these brown metallic beetles with long legs and antennas, the second were a bit smaller all-black beetles, but they made a loud buzzing sounds when they flew. I know both were nocturnal because they only came around at night. My mom would always get annoyed with me when she'd see me examining them. She'd...

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I almost posted this on the forums, but midway through, I figured it's not exactly about mental illness so it's probably better suited for a blog post. I hate to post another rant on my blog so soon, but I might as well finish this up since I'm already halfway through it.

My mom became pregnant with me by accident, but when she learned she was pregnant, she decided she was going to keep me. My dad, however, he wasn't keen on being a parent. He thought it was a little much. My mom tells me he insisted on her getting an abortion and when she refused, my dad ran for the hills. He high-tailed it out of there so hard, he actually fled the state! Real talk though, he completely abandoned us like the coward he is. He left the state so he wouldn't have to pay child support. My poor mom was left to raise me on her own. It wasn't easy for either of us and I'm sure we still would have been in a bad place financially even my dad were in the picture, but I'm sure it would have been easier on my mom. She wouldn't have had to work two jobs just for us to get by and hire a nanny for when she'd be working late. At least we did make it in the end, no thanks to my good-for-nothing dad.

Just a few years ago during my later teen years, my dad would re-emerge and when he did, he wanted to get to know me and become part of my life all of a sudden! Ain't that neat? Now that the hard part's over and he doesn't have to be bothered with any of that pesky child rearing nonsense, it was a good time for him to become a dad. More real talk. Now, I'm not an angry person. Heck, I could count the times I've been genuinely angry on one hand! My dad having the audacity to decide he can just waltz back into my life after abandoning me was one of those times where I got really angry. I'll spare you the gory details, but it got pretty ugly. At least I let him have a good piece- no, a huge chunk of my mind. He tried being apologetic at first, but I was having none of it! Then he tried pulling the "I'm still your father" card, like he's entitled to some respect. I wasn't laughing then, it kinda made me even angrier. But I can laugh now! WOW. Whole lotta WOW.

He had no right to try starting up a relationship with me out of the blue, that was one thing... But to then act like I owe him something because he's my father!? He was NEVER a father figure to me! He was much a father to me as a sperm donor is to whoever uses his sample. How dare he? He didn't have much to say when I was telling him off. Of course not. What could he possibly say to defend himself? I did tell him if he wanted to make things right, to start paying my mom for the years worth of child support he owes...

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I had a very interesting dream recently that told a rather compelling story! It got a little out there like a typical dream, but it kept a surprisingly consistent narrative.

In my dream, there was this man who was living a life of excess drug use. Whenever he took drugs, he became happy as it was an escape from his sad reality. He was leading the life of a drug addict until one day, he has himself an epiphany. He realizes this isn't the life he wants as his happiness is always temporary before he's brought back down to earth desperately searching for his next fix. He decides to try turning his life around.

He gets help and becomes clean. I don't remember much of that part, unfortunately. But now that he's sobered up, he starts seeing all that he's missed out in life and wants to work toward making the world a better place. He becomes a political activist fighting against corruption and starts rallying others to do the same. He becomes proud that he's turned his life around and is now making a difference in society. But his old demons soon resurface. So he seeks other means of help.

He turns to religion and joins a church where he meets a woman who's a saint and helps him fight his temptations to use drugs again. He ends up falling in love with this woman and she reciprocates his feelings. But it's no happily ever after for them as the man soon learns that she may be a saint during the day but she works as prostitute at night and is also addicted to drugs. The plot thickens, right?! The woman helps the man at first, but she ends causing him to relapse on drugs.

The man starts feeling conflicted about this woman. One hand, he loves her but on the other hand, he despises her for causing him to fall back into his old life. He even contemplates killing her because his hate for her runs that deep. But he learns she too wishes to turn her life around, but has tried many times to no avail. She believes the only way out for her now is death, but because suicide is a sin, she can't bring herself to take her own life. Instead, she encourages the man to do so and makes it look like an accident.

Following the woman's directions, the man kills her to grant her her release and makes it look like an accident so he isn't suspected of any wrongdoing. But the man immediately regrets what he's done as he's just killed the love of his life. He doesn't want to live without her and comes to think she was right in that there is no escape from this life of excess except through death. In the end, he contemplates suicide and ultimately does so but dies content knowing he'll be reunited with his love.

And yes, I actually dreamt all of that! Crazy, right? I think that's a rough draft for a very compelling story I may write someday if I'm ever able to become a better writer. It's funny how I can't write for jack when I try to, but then I go and have a dream of a tragic but riveting story. I like to think this...

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