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AdamMZ
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Joined: Fri Nov 30, 2012 11:57 pm
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- April 2018
So I figured it out why did I upset
   Wed Apr 11, 2018 2:02 pm
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   Sun Apr 08, 2018 11:17 pm
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   Sun Apr 08, 2018 9:34 pm

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So I figured it out why did I upset

Permanent Linkby AdamMZ on Wed Apr 11, 2018 2:02 pm

Previously, I was upset because of art stuff. But now I understand. I made a blog post from another website. I'm not sure if I'm allowed to post it here but here you go.
*mod edit*

But what most important is that I thought I felt jealous to someone else's art. Turns out it's more of a feeling of worthlessness because for me, jealousy is like a call to improve myself. That wasn't telling me to improve myself but it's more like telling me to change to a different person.

I should give some context here. I was jealous to this person who are a normal person, has a normal life, everything is normal and she made better art than me. The reason why I felt worthless is because I kept comparing myself to her when I shouldn't. Her uniqueness is much much different than mine so I really shouldn't compare myself to her in the first place.

What I should compare to is someone who I can relate. Someone who's autistic, etc. When it comes to art, I should compare my art style to someone who has similar art style with similar mood and atmosphere. The person who I was jealous of has also way way different than mine. She has more action style while mine is more slice of life style.

Now I'm doing alright. I'm happy with me being me. I'm happy with my art style. Although I still feel this pain of seeing people having fun with their friends, I should tell myself that it's alright to be myself. Yeah, I don't have all that kind of stuff but so far I've been doing alright for years.
Last edited by Snaga on Wed Apr 11, 2018 8:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: forum rules, PM to follow

0 Comments Viewed 3388 times

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Permanent Linkby AdamMZ on Sun Apr 08, 2018 11:17 pm

I feel worthless. I shouldn't be exist. I should just kill myself.
Last edited by Snaga on Tue Apr 10, 2018 5:50 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Permanent Linkby AdamMZ on Sun Apr 08, 2018 9:34 pm

Sometimes I just wanna be a machine. I don't want to have feelings. I'm just worthless. My art is just worthless. Everything I do is wothless.

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Wow

Permanent Linkby AdamMZ on Fri Mar 30, 2018 10:55 pm

I was 14 years old when I posted these blogs. That wasn't me having DID. That was me having fun alone, playing with my own imaginary friends. I have autism so yeah, reading back these blogs, I think being 14 that time is like being 11 or 12.

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Unexpected result

Permanent Linkby AdamMZ on Wed Dec 05, 2012 11:30 pm

I thought I only have Avoidant Personality Disorder.
Paranoid - 82%
Schizoid - 30%
Schizotypal - 74%
Antisocial - 22%
Borderline - 66%
Histrionic - 78%
Narcissistic - 66%
Avoidant - 90%
Dependent - 82%
Obsessive-Compulsive - 62%
I took a test on this site: http://similarminds.com/personality_disorder.html

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