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Ada
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Wearing my grumpy pants

Permanent Linkby Ada on Fri Jun 29, 2012 6:57 pm

Frustrating day, nothing quite going right, and nothing wrong enough to give me an excuse to feel this way. Minimal daydreaming, at least I kept that up.

This evening, I'm not even interested in browsing around the Schizoid forum. Despite informed debates over whether it even is a Personality Disorder, whether people with it have a Problem, or whether it impairs "normal" functioning, it is apparently still worth defending as a status label by people wearing that label. Those of us who do not have a diagnosis are impure and probably wrong about ourselves.

That would be fine, I don't have to play in that den, but I thought I'd found somewhere I wouldn't feel like a weirdo, and I don't like being wrong. And still weird. Of course, "feeling unwelcome" and "wanting somewhere" and being self-aware enough to feel "weird" are all non pure-Schizoid attitudes, further proving the "doesn't count without a diagnosis" in my case. I did find another forum online catering to loners, but it focused on supporting people who were unhappy with that status. LOL. I want admittedly bizarrely contradictory contact with people who seem to think, like me, that people are lovely, but better off at armslength. Where the length includes a wall or two.

Insight strikes. To be accurate, what I want contact with is people's minds. I don't like the bodies. Not in a meat phobia way, just it takes ages to get anywhere going through neurons to tongue and lips and air and ears and back to neurons. Interesting. Am I making another argument for reading more? It is after all the old school form of distilling thought. I should get offline.

We think too much and feel too little.
 More than machinery, we need humanity.
 More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness.


Charlie Chaplain in The Great Dictator
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