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I need a nemesis?

Permanent Linkby Ada on Tue Nov 20, 2012 6:23 pm


QUOTE: 'The story you know is that Narcissus was so beautiful that everyone wanted to be with him, but he rejected them all: no, no, no, no, no, not good enough. One rejected lover was furious and begged Nemesis, the goddess of vengeance, for retribution. "If Narcissus ever falls in love, don't let the love be returned!" Nemesis heard the prayer and caused Narcissus to fall in love with himself: he was led to a pool of water, and when he looked into it, he fell in love with what he saw. And what he saw wasn't real, so of course it couldn't love him back. But Narcissus sat patiently, forever, hoping that one day that beautiful person in the bottom of the pool was going to come out and love him.'

QUOTE: 'What did Narcissus do when he saw something beautiful in that pool? He fantasized and dreamed all the different possibilities of that person, all the things that person could be to him. He didn't stay there for years because the reflection had pretty hair. He stayed because daydreaming takes a lot of time.'

Oh my goodness. Yes it does. This is a fascinating read, not because I strongly identify as a narcissist, but because it shows me my daydreaming in a way that I can SEE it. Normally I'm so far inside it that it's difficult to reflect on it. Or my reflections are shallow. "I am daydreaming about talking to someone interesting. That must mean I want to speak to more interesting people and for them to find me interesting too." Entirely true, not so helpful.

QUOTE: 'You thought nemesis meant enemy, you thought it meant the person who always opposes you, the one you struggle most against. A person who is something like you, but the opposite. But all of those explanations are your lies working to hide the truth: a nemesis is the one who makes you fall in love with yourself. Without Nemesis, there'd be no story of Narcissus. Without your nemesis, you don't have a story.'

I already know how to not want what I can't have, that's not hard. I don't think I know how to want. Or perhaps I don't know how to be brave about pursuing desire. About feeling like I can sometimes achieve whatever it is. I want a story. One that's outside my own head.

QUOTE: 'The moral of the story of Narcissus, told as a warning for the very people who refuse to hear it as such, is that how Narcissus came to be is irrelevant. What was important was what he did, and what he did---- was nothing.'

I am an expert in doing nothing. I don't know how to do something. It would seem like doing ANYTHING would help, but it isn't quite that simple. After all, daydreaming is doing "something". Posting here now is doing something. I'm still missing one or more pieces of the puzzle.

We think too much and feel too little.
 More than machinery, we need humanity.
 More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness.

Charlie Chaplain in The Great Dictator
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