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Permanent Linkby Ada on Mon Jul 02, 2012 2:01 pm

Day 5. I've had heaps of slips, but none have gone too far, I've been able to gently pull myself away before getting submerged in a fantasy. It's hard, though. And it's hard to explain how it's hard. The stopping itself isn't too bad. It's the surrounding feelings, if that makes any sense. I'm kicking against this rule I've made for myself.


"Some people on our forums have stated that they have experienced some emotional withdrawal symptoms when they try to lessen or stop daydreaming. People have mentioned such symptoms as anxiety, depression, a feeling of emptiness, changes in sleep patterns, etc. You may or may not experience this, however, daydreaming is by definition an escape from reality. By removing that activity, feeling, thoughts, and issues that have not been dealt with may rise to the surface and now need to be faced and worked through. Please consider both therapy and medication if you find it hard to cope without daydreaming in your life. Both of these things have been very helpful to me. At the very least, be aware that this could initially happen when you start to control your daydreaming, and be prepared to work through it."

Anxiety, no. For a change.
Depression, is too strong, but I'm definitely gloomy.
Emptiness, yes yes yes.
No changes in sleep patterns as yet.

But it doesn't mention anger, which is by far my most prevalent feeling. There is no abuse or trauma in my past to account for either the daydreaming or the anger. I don't know why I'm angry, but I know that for five days I've been having repeated strong urges to punch the wall, scream, cry and other things. None of which I've done, perhaps I should go beat hell out of a pillow and see if that relieves anything. Why am I angry, though? With myself? I'm usually quite accepting of myself and I don't feel like my life would be radically different without constant daydreaming. Or maybe it would and I just can't admit that to myself now. To say that half my life was largely useless and that I need to start again from here. I can see why I'd be angry at that. I don't know if it's true, though. How ridiculous I am. :)

Am I finding it hard to cope? It doesn't seem any worse than the people I've known who've tried to give up smoking. It helps that I live alone, am not currently working, and see people only when I want to, so I'm not risking making anyone else's life miserable.

We think too much and feel too little.
 More than machinery, we need humanity.
 More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness.

Charlie Chaplain in The Great Dictator
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