(TW ALTERS, EATING DISORDER)
-Lucy, original?, 17?-
Well I've been thinking a lot over the things I've learned about my other parts. I'm still hesitant, since this is all new to me. My greatest fear is that I'm making this up for excitement or attention or something. I don't do it intentionally, this is something that just happens. I'm also worried maybe I'm forcing it. Can alters even be triggered by, like, thinking about them? Or calling to them? I would think so but I have no idea. I'll have to learn more about them and myself.
Right now everything in my inner world is strained and blurry. I think it has to do with my eating disorder. Since I began restricting, it's like everything is different. Honestly I denied their help and advice when they tried to get me to take care of this body. I don't think they're mad but it's put, like I mentioned, a strain on things.
Last night I was talking to myself about negative things that have happened, and I got a voice telling me to stop, yelling at me. Then another voice was yelling and saying "Violetta!" over and over. So I believe I met Violetta. She is not coming out now, nor has she before, but I believe she's in an upset kind of pain. I hope she'll be at least somewhat alright, I'll just have to be more careful.
I'm also guessing whoever was yelling her name, since it began as calling out to repeating like an alarm, almost. Maybe her caregiver? An overseer? She was very young, a child, must be younger than 10. I faintly saw her I believe; dark brown bobbed hair and a dress, I think. I can't really be 100% sure.
I thought it would be a good idea to write down things that occur like this, and other things to do with my mental health, and this seems to be a good safe place to do it. Also easy to edit and re-write things if necessary.
Until next time!