I don't think this is normal.

Today, I was taking an evening walk, like I always do around 7pm. Anxiety is just blaring like alarm-bells in my head, nothing new. And while I was walking, a flashback, memory, whatever you want to call it, appeared and... all of a sudden i was squeezing my skin so hard and whispering to myself: stop it, stop it, stop it. I thought I was going to make it bleed, it was burning, but it was a needed distraction. I hope to God nobody saw.
This happends to me alot, more than usual lately. It can get to bad as screaming and pounding at myself, to just screaming "###$ STOP IT" to myself. feel like I'm losing it sometimes...

Now this is nothing new to me, strangely. I've been having these "episodes", "attacks", I don't know what to call them really, since I was so young. As long as I can remember. They used to come and go, but now it's getting worse, and worse, and I feel like I can't control it.. But have I ever controlled it before?
And I can't just snap out of it either, or like snap a rubber band on my wrist and it'll all go away. It's like an instinct. Bad memory? boom, my hand is hurting myself. or i'm screaming at myself. or i'm begging my mind to stop torturing me.

I've come to the point where, maybe I shouldn't talk anymore. Because every time I do, it gives me a reason to hurt myself even more.