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Johnny-Jack's Musings and Some Alter Stories
Hi, all! I finally figured out a few years ago that I am multiple, having suffered yet to some degree succeeded in life with dissociative identity disorder. Like many with DID, there had been areas of and moments in my life that were confusing and dysfunctional but I could never figure out why.
I had periodic depressions and my memory was often poor. But I didn't experience the hallmarks of DID like losing chunks of time. In my search for answers I spent a fortune on books, seminars, and therapists. I considered the possibility of having DID many times, but the clues I had gave me no certainty and no therapist helped me focus on the potential root cause of my problems. Blocked awareness and inaccessible memories are how DID works. A blessing in childhood, problematic later.
Several years ago, trauma memories started coming to me in images and flashbacks, and alters "woke up" and communicated with me. It was easy to admit then that I had DID. I had always felt a bit like a counterfeit. But it was impossible to fathom how the "good" parents I remembered were randomly monstrous abusers of me as a child, psychologically, physically and sexually.
I will never, ever, ever understand how a person, let alone a parent, can hurt a small, innocent, utterly defenseless child, not once but hundreds of time. It is contrary to the most basic human instinct to nurture and protect one's offspring. But it happened. Though it wasn't necessary, I sought and discovered external proof it happened. Now I work in therapy and in life to reverse the damage these warped people caused.
In 2011 I began communicating with a teen with DID and, when it looked like he would become homeless, I hired him from across the country -- knowing it would be a challenge -- as a live-in personal assistant to cook, drive and run errands. We soon began to rely on and support each other the way healthy families do, so I adopted him. Really, I adopted them, dozens of sons and daughters.
Over the years we've learned how to attach to another person, safely and in a family context. I sometimes feel rage when I think about his parents or mine. Still, both of us are prospering. Living well is the best revenge.
by Johnny-Jack on Tue Aug 09, 2011 1:00 am
Chronology of arrival of alters Depicts who followed whom Suggests who was derived from whom
AGE___________ALTERS________________________ ..0................Adam (core).............................. .3 mos............|...\..............SPHINX*............... .4 mos............|....ASHÁR.............................. .8 mos........LITTLE JOHN................................ ..2.................|.......................................... ..2½...........JOHN (host)................................. ..3.........../..|.|.|.\....\................................. ..4........./....|.|..|..\...Quato..+..Hansel..Johann... ..5. Charles....|.|...|...\.................................. ..6.. JONATHAN..|....|....\................................ ..7.................|......|...JACK.......................... ..8.................|.......|.....|............................ ..9.................|........|....DAN........................ 10..................|.........|................................ 11..................|..........|............................... 12...Marc-Dominic...........|.............................. ..................................|............................. 44.............................Aaron..........................
(*) gatekeeper/observer, not a regular alter ALTERS CREATED BY GATEKEEPER "SPHINX" in CAPS
Last edited by Johnny-Jack on Sat Mar 24, 2012 12:55 am, edited 15 times in total.
Dx = DID. My blog. My personal Periodic Table of 78 alters. Ab Ad Al Am An Ar As Ba Be Br Ca Cb Ch Cl Cm Cn Co Cp Ct Cu Cv D Eb Ed Er Es F Fl Ga Gd Go Gr Gw He Hk Hs Ht I J Jh Jk Jn Jy Ke Ki Kn Ky Li Lu Md Mi Mt Mx Mz Ne Ni O Pe Pi Q Ra Rd Ry Sc Se Sh Sk Sx Tk Ty U V Wa Wi X Y Ze Zn
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by Johnny-Jack on Fri Jul 17, 2015 2:33 am
Wow, this was accurate when we knew about 14 alters. We now know about 42 of us and I couldn't begin to figure out how they fit into this chart. Things are much more complex now, everyone's age of creation unclear. The first alters we found were more distinct or something.
Dx = DID. My blog. My personal Periodic Table of 78 alters. Ab Ad Al Am An Ar As Ba Be Br Ca Cb Ch Cl Cm Cn Co Cp Ct Cu Cv D Eb Ed Er Es F Fl Ga Gd Go Gr Gw He Hk Hs Ht I J Jh Jk Jn Jy Ke Ki Kn Ky Li Lu Md Mi Mt Mx Mz Ne Ni O Pe Pi Q Ra Rd Ry Sc Se Sh Sk Sx Tk Ty U V Wa Wi X Y Ze Zn
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Johnny-Jack
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by Johnny-Jack on Wed Mar 02, 2016 6:10 am
We're at 51 known alters now and much detail is clearer. This was viewed 25K times. I can't begin to comprehend that.
Dx = DID. My blog. My personal Periodic Table of 78 alters. Ab Ad Al Am An Ar As Ba Be Br Ca Cb Ch Cl Cm Cn Co Cp Ct Cu Cv D Eb Ed Er Es F Fl Ga Gd Go Gr Gw He Hk Hs Ht I J Jh Jk Jn Jy Ke Ki Kn Ky Li Lu Md Mi Mt Mx Mz Ne Ni O Pe Pi Q Ra Rd Ry Sc Se Sh Sk Sx Tk Ty U V Wa Wi X Y Ze Zn
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Johnny-Jack
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by Johnny-Jack on Sat May 13, 2017 3:29 am
Another year or so later and we're at 56 of us. We do know a lot sequential connections, such as certain alters replacing others, and some of those are more than two alter sequences. And we know of synchronous connections, like several alters forming pairs.
Dx = DID. My blog. My personal Periodic Table of 78 alters. Ab Ad Al Am An Ar As Ba Be Br Ca Cb Ch Cl Cm Cn Co Cp Ct Cu Cv D Eb Ed Er Es F Fl Ga Gd Go Gr Gw He Hk Hs Ht I J Jh Jk Jn Jy Ke Ki Kn Ky Li Lu Md Mi Mt Mx Mz Ne Ni O Pe Pi Q Ra Rd Ry Sc Se Sh Sk Sx Tk Ty U V Wa Wi X Y Ze Zn
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Johnny-Jack
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- Joined: Sun May 29, 2011 3:07 pm
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by Johnny-Jack on Thu Mar 01, 2018 11:01 am
Six and a half years later and we're at 70 alters. Five times as many as when we did this "family tree." I don't think it would be possible to do a tree like this now, but we do have a 11x17 chart of everyone arranged by age, with description and color coding for categories and functions.
Dx = DID. My blog. My personal Periodic Table of 78 alters. Ab Ad Al Am An Ar As Ba Be Br Ca Cb Ch Cl Cm Cn Co Cp Ct Cu Cv D Eb Ed Er Es F Fl Ga Gd Go Gr Gw He Hk Hs Ht I J Jh Jk Jn Jy Ke Ki Kn Ky Li Lu Md Mi Mt Mx Mz Ne Ni O Pe Pi Q Ra Rd Ry Sc Se Sh Sk Sx Tk Ty U V Wa Wi X Y Ze Zn
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Johnny-Jack
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- Joined: Sun May 29, 2011 3:07 pm
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by Johnny-Jack on Wed Oct 23, 2019 1:12 pm
Just to keep the comments on this old blog going...
Eight years later and we're 75 alters with at least one more, possibly others. We have a chart of everyone on a huge poster above our bed to let everyone know that they're not forgotten. We're working with everyone on various traumas in our weekly therapy sessions.
Dx = DID. My blog. My personal Periodic Table of 78 alters. Ab Ad Al Am An Ar As Ba Be Br Ca Cb Ch Cl Cm Cn Co Cp Ct Cu Cv D Eb Ed Er Es F Fl Ga Gd Go Gr Gw He Hk Hs Ht I J Jh Jk Jn Jy Ke Ki Kn Ky Li Lu Md Mi Mt Mx Mz Ne Ni O Pe Pi Q Ra Rd Ry Sc Se Sh Sk Sx Tk Ty U V Wa Wi X Y Ze Zn
Forum rules
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Johnny-Jack
- Consumer 6
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- Posts: 3291
- Joined: Sun May 29, 2011 3:07 pm
- Blog: View Blog (45)
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