When he picks up the phone
His voice is the same
A flush in my cheeks; my heart beats a fist through my ribs
And just like that
I remember his house
Catching the train to be with him
with him. him
Writing and crying and hiding and waiting
He hurt me he was cruel and entitled
Trampled over me just as badly as my parents I tried to escape from
The hurt
The pain
And yet there he is
The same
It's not that I need him anymore
It's that he's an anchor to another time
His voice, his laugh
And just like that
I'm nineteen again