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I can’t take any more of this pain

Permanent Linkby star dust on Sun Jul 22, 2018 11:00 pm

Gonna rant my $#%^ here as I don’t know where else to put it.
I am ILL.
I am insane.
I am hurting so badly.
I am feeling so incredibly dark.
I am not well.
I hurt. The pain is too much. It is tooooooooooo much I want it to stop. dear god make it stop.
Pleeeeaaaaaaase make it stop.
I am really strongly considering suicide. Not right this very minute. But I’m thinking of getting things in order and maybe doing it. But I’m scared. Cause if I do it I’m going to really do it. No going back.
I am hurting sooooo soooooo bad and I can no longer take the pain. I can’t. I just can’t.
It’s too much. It is too much. I don’t even feel worthy of being alive. And I don’t think anyone else thinks I am either.
And the pain. Is. Too. Much.
My abusive partner is all of a sudden constantly on my mind and I don’t know why. It’s like all of this just happened. I am sickened. I am hurting. I am abandoned.
I don’t have a home! I feel sick.
One minute I miss him like crazy and the next I want to kill him quite literally. I get insanely angry like demonic rage....
and then I’m like this. I miss him. I miss him so badly. And I’m never gonna see him again.
I’m never gonna see him ever again!!!! He’s gone :’(
I can’t do it! I am so sad I am so sad! He’s never coming back :( he’s gone.
I keep worrying he’s dead! I have this weird feeling. What’s if he’s dead and I killed him?!
He’s going to move on and not love me anymore. He probably has already! I can’t take it!
I can’t take it! He abandoned me! Everyone abandons me!
No one cares. I think I am better off dead. I don’t think I can go on. This pain is just too much.
I can’t live without him. And I can’t live with all these sick memories in my head.
I want to be sick. I want to be violently sick. I am past the point of no return. My mind is broken.
What am I. I am just a worthless piece of $#%^. I am ###$ up. Damaged. Broken beyond repair.
But I’m too scared to kill myself! :( But I want to so badly!
I can’t take anymore. I can’t take anymore. I can’t take anymore.
I can’t take anymore. I can’t take anymore. I can’t take anymore.
If I die I want it to be painless. I don’t want to hurt anyone. I just want to be gone.
I want to be in peace! I am so sad. Whyyyyyyyyyyy did all this happen. I asked for it. I asked for it.
I asked for it. I’m a sick evil ######6 monster. I asked for it.
I deserved all of it!!!! I deserved it! I deserved it!!!! I am sick. I am ######6 sick. I am a cold empty human. Im disgusting. I am a horrible ugly disgusting ###$. I am a ######6 sick piece of $#%^. I want to cut my ######6 skin off. I am a dirty disgusting cold empty horrible thing.i want someone to ######6 beat me. I deserve to be beaten.
Last edited by Snaga on Wed Jul 25, 2018 4:44 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: swear filter

2 Comments Viewed 1504 times
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Re: I can’t take any more of this pain

Permanent Linkby Snaga on Wed Jul 25, 2018 4:48 am

I know this is a rant, but try not to be so hard on yourself, and gentle hugs, if wanted.
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Tell someone you love them today, because Life is short. But scream it at them in Klingon, because Life is also terrifying and confusing.

ISFP

We do not delete posts.
Let it go.
Without (forum) rules, we all might as well be up in a tree flinging our crap at each other.
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Re: I can’t take any more of this pain

Permanent Linkby star dust on Fri Aug 31, 2018 8:24 pm

Thank you. I always forget to check for comments.
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