Our partner

In Case I Should Ever End Up Bipolar or Depressed...

Bipolar Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group.

Moderator: Tyler

In Case I Should Ever End Up Bipolar or Depressed...

Postby Wondering » Thu May 05, 2005 12:34 am

...God forbid that ever happens, I want to be prepared for it. So, I was hoping to get some recommendations from the forum-goers - books, articles, readings in general, etc.

I'm not going to worry that I have or will have it, but I can't just write off the possibilities either.



Postby Mark_01 » Thu May 05, 2005 11:19 pm

Are you serious?!?

There are all sorts of mental & physical problems you could 'potentially' have during your life. If you investigate all of them in order to anticipate the experiences, then you'll probably give yourself a serious case of paranoia in the process!

What do you mean "I can't just write off the possibilities either"? Of course you can! If these sorts of things really play on your mind then perhaps you should try to focus your mind on other things ... I'm not a professional, but I'd suggest exercise, yoga, learning a musical instrument, or something similar. If you spend too much time contemplating the 'possibilities' of bipolarism then you will innevitably worry even if you consciously try not to. Have you thought about the 'possibilities' of being killed on the road? What about heart disease? Or cancer? Given the weight of the *possibilities*, these are far more likely to affect you.

I think most people experience changes in mood, so to a *small* extent lots of people experience the changes that characterize bipolar disorder. It's just when these problems become severe and deeply distressing, or they prevent people from fitting into society in a normal way, that the characteristics fit into the clinical 'model' of bipolar disorder. If you dwell on the *potential* problems then it is innevitable that you will start to ask yourself whether you are experiencing the *potential* symtoms. I don't think you'll be doing yourself any favours!

My (non-professional) advice: Don't think about having 'mental ill-health', try to cultivate good mental fitness instead. Don't think about symtoms of illness, focus on doing something creative or rewarding instead.

All the best,

Postby Wondering » Fri May 06, 2005 1:58 am

I am assuming you haven't been reading some of the posts I've been making lately. Let me just clue you in on something, in case you were unaware: I am hypomanic every day or nearly every day. Very rarely do I ever need more than 3-5 hours of sleep. I am never tired. I am always energized.

You're free to think whatever you want and you're free to tell me what you think as well. However, don't you think it would've been courteous to actually address my post, if you could have done so? If you couldn't have done so...JUST SO YOU KNOW...please state it as such. Although that probably isn't the case if you regularly visit this forum.

And believe me, I'm not worried about anything, most likely not even subconsciously (I admit it's possible but I HIGHLY doubt it). Like I said, I am very hypomanic. I think so highly of myself all the time that I practically think I'm God. You think I'm worried about bipolar disorder? It's the opposite. I actually believe that even if I could have it, I'm capable of making myself NOT have it. For all I know, I could've been bipolar for over a year now, which is the amount of time I've been experiencing hypomania (I never knew it until earlier this week). It could be that hypomania is the reason I believe these things, sure. Excessive confidence does cloud your judgment. If you have bipolar disorder or experience hypomania, I'm sure you understand. Even so, maybe simply believing it could be the key to overcoming it regardless. It's all about channeling that energy.

However, on a side note, I have been doing some thinking (hypomania does that :) and I actually believe that it's not something my brain does on its own - I think I actually get myself to the point of hypomania under my own willpower.

Excuse me if I thought it was a prudent idea to be prepared for any possibilities, especially considering I irrefutably have half of bipolar disorder already. Not to mention, I DO suffer downtime once in a while (can't be high all the time without drawbacks). Jims himself believes, and stated in one of my threads, that he thinks I'll go through depression eventually.

If you still aren't convinced, think of it this way: if I only require 3-5 hours of sleep every night, IF EVEN THAT, and I am 100% functional at ALL times when awake, (I have to force myself to sleep every time,) would it really be such a crime to exert my insurmountable motivation to read up on bipolar disorder or depression?

At this point, I am able to practically accomplish the full extent of my willpower. I want to be able to stay that way.

There is a LOT of reading I have to do on the whole subject. I am going to go through things I'm not currently expecting, and that's all there is to it. I haven't had this before in my life. This makes everything an entirely different dynamic. My grandmother is probably not going to be living for very much longer. Not even I can avoid being at least a little depressed about that when it happens (I wouldn't WANT to do that even if I'm capable, which I'm not, but the fact of the matter is, that wouldn't even be right...and there is a such thing as too much perfection). I am willing to bet that depression is worse when you're used to being hypomanic all the time. Can you understand that logic?

Your response is appreciated.

Postby Mark_01 » Fri May 06, 2005 4:34 am

I didn't mean to offend you ... but judging by the three recent threads I have read, it seems that you want to diagnose yourself with some sort of condition, even thought you don't want to seek treatment. You seem half excited and half worried by the prospect of bipolar disorder.

It is my understanding that a hypomanic episode represents an unequivocal change -- something that is really out of character, and it suprises me that you have had a hypomanic episode last continually for an entire year. I am not a doctor, and I don't think Jim is either, so if you really want to take this seriously then get some professional advice.

Reading books, articles, and snippets on the Internet will not give you the experience and depth of knowledge that it has taken psychiatrists many years, even decades, to train for. Sure, some psychiatrists are bad, but others will genuinely want to help you, and will be far more capable than us.

You know I'm not saying this for my own benefit!


Postby Wondering » Fri May 06, 2005 5:34 am

You didn't offend me at all. I guess I got a little carried away there.

I WAS worried about Bipolar Disorder up until last Monday night, when I realized the absurdity (my mood doesn't go down and stay there, and nothing is ever severe). And I haven't experienced hypomania EXCLUSIVELY for a year. I've been experiencing it for over a year off and on. I had some self-esteem issues up until I realized I needed to work on it back in September of 2004. However, I did not lack confidence EVERY day - occasionally I would find myself catalyzed, and then experience hypomania. However, ever since working on my self-esteem, the hypomania has been consistent. I didn't quite realize it until three days ago, though.

I can be a very technical person at times, yes. Sometimes I have a tendency to just look for the authoritative answer to a question, and often times there really isn't one (as I suspect is the case relevant here). And you are absolutely right when you say if I simply look for something to diagnose myself with, or worry about it, then yeah, I would be bringing myself down unnecessarily.

When I made that post regarding feeling stupid shortly after figuring out hypomania...I can explain that, and I have a feeling you might be able to understand.

My life wasn't this good prior to college. I was very lost and distraught, my self-esteem was virtually non-existent, and I was the biggest problem to myself all the time. My entire adolescent stage up until roughly 18.5 years of age sucked in a big way.

My hypothesis is that when I made that post about feeling stupid, and that hypomania MUST be a precursor to having BPD, that was simply me returning to the state I'm used to, which is not consistent with hypomania. Probably more consistent with the down stages of Bipolar disorder. Basically, I was just thinking, "Hmm, life's great right now, this isn't normal, when is the $#%^ going to hit the fan? Oh, here comes insomnia...this is it." It went away relatively quickly afterwards.

Just as hypomania tends to induce, and just as is consistent with my personality and my tendencies...I probably am thinking about it all too much. You probably have gathered that I might have this problem once in a while.

Actually, when I read about hypomania, I first tried "unipolar disorder" if you read that post. The first thing that caught my attention on that website, I think it was merck.com or something like that, it basically stated that people in general have difficulty reading the emotions of a "unipolar" person - they often appear miserable, furrowed eyebrows, bad posture, etc. That site wasn't my best source on hypomania, but it does describe me well. That might have something to do with our lack of mutual understanding.

I admit I am only going off of what I have read on the internet. But I know myself and my life well enough to know that what I routinely have been experiencing is hypomania. I would say it's inaccurate to say I HAVE hypomania - I actually feel like I get there under my own willpower. One thing I have noticed, which supports this, is that the day does not seem to start off with hypomania - I have to get into the day a little bit in order to get myself "high". And it takes work from my end. I don't just get there by default. It's what's in my head that gets me high. And it's a wonderful thing. I can't wait to see how much I can do with it.

Postby Guest » Fri May 06, 2005 12:29 pm

You know, if you're this happy, maybe you should just sit back and enjoy it. Everyone has mountains and valleys in their lives, and if you're on top of the mountain, enjoy it!! I think you are enjoying it. :wink: But, on the other hand, you don't want to think TOO highly of yourself, because as they always say, Pride comes before the fall. And you don't want to fall into that valley just yet. But, if you think this is somewhat abnormal ('cuz it is kind of strange for you to miss that much sleep, but still feel energetic), then just go to the doctor and ask him he thinks. Have you ever gone through major depression? Sorry, if you answered that in another post, but I haven't had time to read all of this. sorry 'bout that. :roll: I've been pretty busy lately. Anywho. I hope things stay good for you for a long time. :) That was an awkward sentence. Oh, well. I ramble too much!

Return to Bipolar Disorder Forum

  • Related articles
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 14 guests