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Uh-oh. (Unipolar Disorder?) More has come up from me.

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Uh-oh. (Unipolar Disorder?) More has come up from me.

Postby Wondering » Mon May 02, 2005 2:29 pm

I apologize but I am going to have to ask for some time from those who are taking the time to read this. But this time, I actually have something concrete. I would like those who respond or make the effort to read any of this, that they're greatly appreciated.

First of all, it may help to read my initial post: http://www.psychforums.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=5669

And this is what I just read:

http://www.merck.com/mrkshared/mmanual/ ... 9/189b.jsp

Just read those links or skim through if you would.

Right away, I didn't like where the second link was going. I often do appear miserable to some people, and I have the habit of both bad posture AND not maintaining eye contact. Although I have gotten better at not appearing miserable (still certainly appear more so than most, I'm sure). However, I am NOT miserable, and my unique personality plays a large part. I actually do not smile or laugh as often as the average person, but it doesn't mean I'm unhappy - it is just the way I am.

Sleeping disorders? That's the worst one. Something with my sleeping isn't quite right. In fact, the reason I'm making this post is, ONCE AGAIN, I couldn't sleep! (I will talk about what's going on right now a little later. First I want to talk about what I'm reading about unipolar disorder. So far I'm only going off of the above link.)

I am 20 years old and until roughly 3 months ago or something like that, I didn't cry ever since the day before I turned 15. The page mentions something about that? So far that has been the only time, but I find it very interesting that the page says that it's a sign the patient is getting BETTER.

Ok, now for the bizarre and creepy part. I actually was going to make a post asking if it were possible to have bipolar disorder without the depressive stages, and then I realized that would be called "unipolar disorder", so I started to backspace, and then I realized I actually have seen a couple mentions of such a disorder before. I'm not sure what my subconsciousness may or may not have been doing at that point...but I don't remember why I didn't make the post. I think I just got distracted or something. But all of this happened just after whenever my last post was here on this forum. It was before all this new crap. Weird indeed.

I can say for sure that melancholia does not describe me. Like I said, I am 20, and the part about sex drive alone certainly tosses this one out the window. However, a couple things said about the atypical depression segment do worry me.

Atypical depression - At first this somewhat sounds like me. "Anxious-phobic symptoms, evening worsening" - one thing I have noticed is that the things that have worried me the most have always happened when I've been trying to get some sleep. That description doesn't help my case at all, that's for sure. Mood brightening to positive events or potentially positive events describes me well, but I haven't hit a "paralyzing depression" before. I'd say I handle adversity pretty well. Fears of calamity, I am honestly not really sure about because that's a very general thing but I don't BELIEVE that describes me very well. However, the one thing I dislike the most about what's in the atypical depression portion is the fear of becoming insane. I will be honest - I have worried about that before.

Now here's what was going on that made me read up on all this and come here to talk to you guys about it. I should mention that I happen to be on day one of giving up the smokes. I am not sure what sort of role that could play in this but who knows. Anyways, I'd tried to do some homework, but I was getting a little bit unproductive because I was craving a damn cigarette so badly. I tried to go to bed and I figured I would just get up earlier so I could get it done then, but once again, sleep wasn't happening. I was beginning to experience the initial stages of that horror I went through, briefly, just twice in the past. However, I decided that since sleep wasn't happening, I would just get my homework finished. I managed to do that and then I tried going to sleep again. I couldn't sleep, once again, but I immediately felt much better after having my homework done. Ever since the homework has been done, I think it's just been a couple hours, my mood itself has been fine, perhaps good. Even despite the fact that I couldn't sleep.

I don't know much about unipolar disorder, and to be honest I probably don't really know much about bipolar disorder other than the basics. Does it manifest itself into bipolar disorder eventually down the road inevitably, or sometimes, or never? Is bipolar disorder always precipitated by unipolar?

I am always a positive, relaxed person, although it was only very recently that I started to become the "relaxed" portion of that description. Prior, I used to be a little bit on the nervous side and I used to experience some social anxiety. But I've done some work on myself. :) Actually, it was only about 5-7 weeks ago, somewhere around that area, that I've proudly done away with my social anxiety. I haven't felt any at all for over a month. I'm convinced the problem is gone, forever.

I just don't know what to think. Could I somehow have bipolar disorder or unipolar disorder and magically turned them into an advantage and only experience the good portion (apparently I still have sleeping issues)? Could I possibly be experiencing the initial stages? ...Maybe nothing, except perhaps too introspective at times?

Life has never been better before. I'm still naive in a lot of ways like anyone at any age is, especially mine, but now, I am actually happy and now it's not because I'm a kid. I spent pretty much my entire teen years being nothing but the most depressed person anyone had ever seen. I was very dead inside for a while. But I started coming to light late in my high school career. Ever since, I have progressively gotten much better, very quickly.

I would like to believe it's because I'm a positive person and I've made a lot of improvements in my life: it pretty much seems like my mood is almost always very good. I'm a poor college student, so it's not like I don't get my share of adversity here and there. I have the typical pressures of school, money, perhaps sometimes the social life, etc. But I always manage to keep myself happy no matter what I've had thrown at me. I swear, I am contributing SOMETHING. But it does seem like sometimes my mood might be a little higher than the situation really calls for. I am not sure if I am causing it, or it's something like BPD or UPD, or both. But I would like to believe it's the first one, and ONLY the first one.

However, I will say this much: I am now thinking of getting a professional opinion on the matter. I did say in my initial post that I don't have health insurance - however, it just so happens that things since then have changed!

I would like some responses first however. I want to make sure I know what I need to know before I go to the doctor's office. I know how doctors are, I've been around long enough. I've seen the doctors who think absolutely nothing about what you tell them and just pull some random solution out of their ass and call it a day - and 99 out of 100 doctors are going to try referring you to the pharms counter if they see any remotely logical reason to do so.

What can be done to find out whether or not there's anything wrong with me?

Feel free to make your response as long or as short as you would like. I fully encourage you to be elaborate, as I am rather detailed in my speech myself. However, you may not have much time or you may not care very much, so a short response is great as well.

Once again, everything's much appreciated.[/b]
Wondering
 


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Postby jims » Mon May 02, 2005 5:08 pm

All of us bipolars dream of just staying in a high all the time. Actually, the disorder you are talking about is called hypomania. That is, the person feels very happy and ambitions, but does not advance to the anger, delisions, and strange behaviors that many of us go to in our mania. Also, these people may suffer little down time. As you might expect, if one has a lot of energy and ambition one can get a lot done. Many become very successful. Teddy Roosevelt was probably like this the whole time he was president. Many famous people have done great things in their mania stages. On my web site, I have an article about famous people who have had mental illness.

For years now, I've functioned quite well without medication. My moods are sort of stable, but I can get very excited at times. Generally, I have to slow down about as much as I'm excitied. That is if I have a busy day and get a lot done, the next time my mind sort of shuts down for a day. I've learned to live this way. It's better to be really happy on day, then to just be a boring normal all the time.
Good Luck,
Jim S
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Postby Wondering » Mon May 02, 2005 11:32 pm

...I think I've found it. I think you may be right. Hypomania. I'll be damned.

I am seeing a doctor as soon as possible. I am going to talk to my parents about this, I don't know how and it's going to be harder than hell...but something will be done.

This thing describes me perfectly. Thank-you very much for helping me to find this. I don't believe there is any way I don't have this hypomania. And I see that as all the more reason to get a professional opinion about this.

I will take hypomania over EVERY ONE of the things I was considering. I was already starting to envision myself telling my parents, friends, etc. that I have bipolar disorder. I even considered schizophrenia.

...I have to say, I'm quite happy I have this. ;)
Wondering
 

Postby Guest » Tue May 03, 2005 5:38 am

First of all, this has been one of the best days of my life. I am high on nothing but myself and I have been going on two hours of light sleep, from which I have woken up over 13 hours ago, and I am entirely energized right now.

I just have one question:

Could it still be possible that I'm bipolar?
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Postby Wondering » Tue May 03, 2005 5:39 am

Whoops, sorry. That was me.
Wondering
 

Postby Wondering » Tue May 03, 2005 7:43 am

Um, ok, I'm beginning to feel stupid now. Maybe the fact that I've experienced hypomania only is PROOF that I have bipolar disorder. I somehow was lead to believe that hypomania was a separate thing from bipolar disorder. So...what is the truth? I cannot figure this out.
Wondering
 

Postby Guest » Tue May 03, 2005 12:08 pm

Well, I think you'd have to go to the doctor before you can call it bipolar. And it could take a while for them to give you a diagnosis. I believe you can have mania without depression. But I'm not sure.

I hope you can get this all figured out. Your parents can probably help alot.

Good luck!! :D
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Postby jims » Tue May 03, 2005 7:42 pm

These words we are using are just words. At present there are several different types of bipolar. Some people would say that hypomania was just a type of bipolar. Many experts would say that with hypomania the lows are only slight or are very short. One must consider that the doctors do not have the total answer because there could be a lot of people with hypomania who do not seek treatment--so they are unknown to the medical community. I can't imagine why someone would go to the doctor if they feel happy and full of energy all the time.

My best guess is that you might some day, maybe in a year or two enter a depression. I would suggest you read up on depression and bipolar while you are still functional so you know what to do when you get it. Many sites on the web give tips about what to do for depression. My website has a lot along those lines.
Good Luck,
Jim S
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Postby Wondering » Tue May 03, 2005 8:25 pm

Clearly, if I am hypomanic all the time, there will be some down time suffered. However, I cannot at this point believe that bipolar is the answer, because clearly, I feel I am getting myself to the point of hypomania under my own will.

But, with all the potential hypomania creates, figuring out what to do just in case something happens probably won't be too difficult. Also, I spent a lot of my life being depressed. I know depression very well. So, I do have some experience in dealing with it already.

Thanks a lot. And, yeah, I have decided I don't need to see a doctor. They'll just try to tell me I'm bipolar and shove pills down my throat. I don't need a doctor to tell me that I experience hypomania, and I don't need a doctor to tell me that I don't experience bipolar disorder. As soon as the situation truly calls for it, THEN I will go to the doctor.

Until then, I'm gonna make something of my life.
Wondering
 


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