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Hypomania episodes accelerated thinking nonstop talking

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Hypomania episodes accelerated thinking nonstop talking

Postby JusticeXI » Fri Apr 29, 2022 1:26 pm

Being diagnosed with Bipolar 1 with hypomania episodes has always caused excessive talking but most people were interested due to the accelerated thinking. Conversation was interesting with new ideas and off the wall topics. This changed after being diagnosed with metastasized cancer. I thought people were avoiding me because I talked about my cancer too much which causes sensory overload. When a friend or family member calls to find out how you're doing? What did they think I was going to say? I couldn't help it; the cancer topic always came up not to mention when I'm in a depressive state I was having more thoughts of suicide. Having my challenges with bipolar disorder was hard enough but now to add an accelerated type of cancer made me think how much longer I truly have. This caused my manic episodes to be much higher than normal and my depressive episodes lasted longer and more intense. Although I had times of extreme happiness, and full of excitement with rapid speech that went on and on it wasn't healthy.

Then for some reason I started to notice excessive talking where I did all the talking and didn't give anyone else a chance. No matter how hard I tried I still just talked and talked. I could go on for hours about any topic. All this energy was great until I started to notice people didn't know how to deal with such rapid swings and controlled conversation. The end result started to put a strain on my relationships that pushed people away. Not only did this happen in my private life but also at work. It was like I was on a downward spiral with each day getting worse and worse. So, if you're like me there is no middle of the road either all the way or nothing. I decided to isolate myself to the point of quitting my job and stopped my disability. I just couldn't jump through the hoops with all that paperwork and hours on the phone. I was forced to stop socializing and so did my meds. At first it did resolve some issues and made me happier with less anxiety. Now without my meds I could never be stabilized but I didn't care because I loved the manic side as it was much more intense.

I was hoping that the cancer would just take its course however my recurrence rate for my type of cancer is much longer than most other cancers. My cancer was in what they call a flux or mutating. It learns how to live longer in my body but also can accelerate to other parts of my body only to cause mortality. Now I sit here just waiting for something to happen. I don't want this nonstop talking to invade my life anymore and ruin every relationship I make. I can't stand the swings and I'm sick of myself. I'm not sure how to resolve this. Sometimes I wonder why the cancer didn't take my voice away like some others. I had tumors on my tonsils with it metastasizing to the left side of my neck. I manifested my way back to health by going on a plant-based diet and juicing. No Chemo or Radiation for me as I was willing to die than take that chance. Well now I sit here realizing how stupid I am and hopeless I feel. I know how difficult life can be having to live with a disorder like Bipolar but listening to all your stories makes me feel at home and not alone. I thank this forum for giving us this platform to vent and tell our stories of hope and struggles.

Perhaps I will fail, or I will learn how to live with this curse. Even if it's for only a few months or years. In the end we live and then die. It's all about one day at a time and even one hour at a time. I don't plan for the future, but I do live for the day. I try to thank God for giving me more time even if I feel like I'm being tortured. If anyone has suggestions on how to curb this excessive talking, I'm open to listening.
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Re: Hypomania episodes accelerated thinking nonstop talking

Postby Otter » Tue May 10, 2022 10:35 pm

Wow, that's a lot going on there. I understand about talking. When I am hypo I can become very talkative. Are you seeing a psych - medication?
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Re: Hypomania episodes accelerated thinking nonstop talking

Postby JusticeXI » Wed May 11, 2022 8:50 am

I stopped taking my medications and stopped going to my psych appointments. I know that was good at first but not so good in the long run. I'm now trying to get back in for regular appointments as well as my oncology surveillance.
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