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Confused and hurt with BP wife

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Confused and hurt with BP wife

Postby Chrono3883 » Thu Sep 13, 2018 10:25 pm

I am new to this and have questions/need help.

My wife has seemed to have issues with depression for a few years now. We have four kids and she was super sexual before having them. After our first, she was less and less interested. There were spurts of interest from her but mostly she claimed she was too tired and stressed. Two of our kids have medical issues with one being special needs. She has been a stay at home mom for just shy of 10 years. I am a graduate student who was working several jobs to make ends meet. Super busy. This past spring she seemed to get much worse. Lots of sleeping. I also noticed that she seemed to be much more peppy around our oldest son’s baseball trainer.

Around mid April, she asked if I could give her a night to get away. I agreed seeing how down and stressed she was. When my school semester ended in early to mid May, she asked to have a weekend to herself. I agreed. However, while she was gone, she seemed very different. She has always been the type to text and call a lot. This 4 days away she seemed very distant. The afternoon/ early evening before the day she was coming home, I asked her if she was ok. She took a while but said yes. I told her I was very worried. She said she just wanted to be completely away. So I relented. I was only worried for her safety. About 20 minutes from home on her way back, she texts me that we are having problems and she felt like we needed a separation. I was devastated and blind sided. She also begged that we move closer to family and away from where we were and to go to church more often. I later found a receipt in the car for a store 3 hours in the opposite direction of where she was supposed to be. She admitted to going to a different place than she had told me. But that was all. Later I discovered the baseball trainer was playing a baseball game in that town (he is a minor leaguer). She swore it was coincidental and nothing happened. Over the summer she left to be with his team on 5 separate occasions. I have now come to learn that she was having a sexual relationship with him. Unprotected mind you. Mid way through the summer, she was diagnosed as bipolar. However, she did not get medication until late July. I learned about the sexual nature of this in early August. She finally quit denying it. But kept up many lies.

The truth was only available in a slow trickle. Often only relinquished when I figured things out. She said she was manic when it all started but that she had slowly began to feel guilty about half way through it all. But she didn’t want to stop obviously. She attempted to see him in early August and I confronted her via phone about what she was doing. She said she would and was planning on ending it that time. I asked if she would have sex with him again. She said she didn’t plan to. I asked if that meant no, and her response was that she could not promise anything. She did not see him and returned home. I gave her an ultimatum to pick to be with me or not. She then admitted she had feelings for him. One day she wanted one thing, the next day another. She asked me to stay with her for a few months until the meds took full effect. The next day that was too suffocating and she would only wanna try for 2 weeks. Finally, she contacted him and asked for his intentions. He said he had feelings on occasion but that her life was too complicated. He is 8 years younger, single, and has no kids. She offered to come see him play one last time and be with him if he wanted to try. He didn’t wanna commit to anything beyond what they were doing.

She then went through the grieving process and also committed to me. She has since admitted everything she previously hid detail wise. She says she feels more mellowed out on her meds now but says she was very manic when it all started. She says she was a wreck and paced everywhere ran a lot etc. during that time. She said it died down some mid summer but by that time she had developed feelings for him. She said that she then had feelings for both of us. We had been together for 16 years (high school sweethearts). I wondered how she could be torn?!

From what I see everywhere it seems that usually a manic cheater goes back to their partner when they “wake up”. She was then connected and torn. She was very sexual with him. Sexting, tanning more, sexier underwear etc. With me this had been a problem for years as she seemed too tired and depressed. She claims she will spend the rest of her life committed to me and regretting this decision. Is all this normal? I am trying to make sure this was the bipolar and not just her being out of love with me or being a cheater. She is just now getting up to her full dose which she started a week after they broke it off. Please give me some words of wisdom and let me know what y’all think!
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