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Today my psychiatrist agreed to wean off all my medications

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Today my psychiatrist agreed to wean off all my medications

Postby Bui » Thu Aug 30, 2018 4:13 am

He saw that he was taking one chunk of the total dose of one medication here, taking another there, and I was getting better instead of worse.

He also saw that, after he started tapering some medications, I started making my own effort to improve: to discover the root of my problems, meditating, and about to resume studying. And the results are coming: I have more power over my thoughts (they don't become impulses) and so I'm even able to deal with my mother's stress and make her calm (it's me who has rage problems, and now I'm in the position of peacemaker). A little irritability, but very manageable in my opinion.

So far I'm taking less 100mg Lamotrigine and less 200mg Topiramate. Still a long way to go, because I take a LOT of stuff (as you can see). Today he tapered off more 100mg Topiramate and also 80mg Ziprasidone.

I'm very happy because I finally gained his trust today when it comes to that, and he accepted to let me in the full-on weaning process of all medications. After 5 years, this finally happened.

That's it. I'll use this thread to keep a record of my own journey towards recovery. I believe I can do this. Wish me luck!
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Re: Today my psychiatrist agreed to wean off all my medications

Postby Bui » Thu Aug 30, 2018 7:00 am

Forgot to say I'm also going to start Brief Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy during this process, to deal with the trauma from the bullying in my teens, which gave birth to my manic rage.
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Re: Today my psychiatrist agreed to wean off all my medications

Postby quietgirl2538 » Thu Aug 30, 2018 10:03 am

Wishing you much luck! Keep us updated.
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Re: Today my psychiatrist agreed to wean off all my medications

Postby z7z » Thu Aug 30, 2018 1:57 pm

I would ask your doctor about tapering one drug at a time and doing it slowly for best results.
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Re: Today my psychiatrist agreed to wean off all my medications

Postby Bui » Thu Aug 30, 2018 2:55 pm

Thank you quietgirl2538! I will!

z7z, he did that until yesterday's appointment... It's been roughly 100mg/month of Topiramate/Lamotrigine. It may sound a lot but I was taking one heck of a dose (500mg/400mg respectively).

The most 'daring' thing he has done so far was what he did now, taking 100mg Topiramate and 80mg Ziprasidone together. I was initially afraid (and actually still am a little), but he said he did it because he was trusting in how well I was doing.

I really hope there are no nasty withdrawals as I've never tapered off Ziprasidone before.
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Re: Today my psychiatrist agreed to wean off all my medications

Postby Bui » Sun Sep 02, 2018 2:15 pm

5th day with the Ziprasidone/Topiramate doses reduced. Basically the same mood.

Maybe even calmer. In the past months, by the 5th day without Topiramate, I was kinda irritable.

In this month, I'm not. The difference is that in the last month I hadn't started to meditate yet.

The meditation, which I started 10 days ago, really is starting to change my reactions to stuff. I do 30-60 minutes of mindfulness meditation a day.

Even with sudden double tapering, my mind feels resilient.

Of course, meditation will help with the everyday irritating stuff... But with the big provocations of life, only psychotheraphy will definetely kill the impulses once and for all I guess.
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Re: Today my psychiatrist agreed to wean off all my medications

Postby Synergy42 » Mon Sep 03, 2018 12:34 am

I'm very interested to follow your experience weaning off all medications. I myself have tried twice to wean off. For the first couple of months I felt great, then major depression hit me really hard. I'm glad meditation helps you. It has never been my "thing" to meditate. I need to be doing something to meditate -- doing art projects or calligraphy is a form of meditation for me. I wish I didn't feel like I'm ashamed to be taking medication. There seems to be a real belief that taking psychoactive medication is shameful or cowardly. But I take medication because I remember the crippling depressions and rages I had before I started medication. My bipolar was so bad even the government decreed that I was unable to have gainful employment, and issued me Social Security. I only wanted a job that I could do. But the Great American Workplace has no place for me.
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Re: Today my psychiatrist agreed to wean off all my medications

Postby Bui » Mon Sep 03, 2018 12:46 pm

Hi Synergy42, thank you for your interest. Just in case anyone is thinking this, I don't think that taking psychiatric medication it shameful or cowardly.

To convey this message was not my intention. I'm only trying to quit them mainly because I think they alter my original personality. I forgot who I am. And also because my thinking is impaired.

Those are my reasons. But I don't feel it's shameful at all. Despite me not liking telling everyone what I take, but that has to do with other people's prejudices, not mine's, so it's a matter of privacy.

Medications helped me a lot to contain my rage and, to a lesser extent, my depression.

But I think it's time to wean them off. Slowly of course. Not due to shame, but due to the reasons I described above.
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Re: Today my psychiatrist agreed to wean off all my medications

Postby Bui » Tue Sep 25, 2018 7:39 am

So, today, 25 days after my last visit to the psychiatrist, I'm already tapering 50mg Topiramate more.

Actually, I went to the psychiatrist some 5 days ago. Too early, I know. I was going to ask him for an HIV test and ended up having an early psychiatric evaluation.

Anyway, let me share what happened. In the first 20 days since the last visit, I was initially very calm (even after he took half of the Ziprasidone and 1/3 of the Topiramate). In the middle of this time period, I started to get irritable/nervous/disturbed. My meditation got a little messy. But no big deal. It lasted some 5 days.

I felt much more spontaneous though. Happier, more good emotions, better thinking speed, etc. More pros than cons.

I sincerely expected worse for such a big dose taken off. I started to get better and my mood improved after those 5 days. Then the visit happened and there was more 50mg Topiramate taken off (not something urgent, but more because of my lack of appetite).

After this, though, I feel that my good emotions, the deeper ones, became suffocated.

I don't know what to do. Only going to the psychiatrist again in 30 days. I can't express love for my mother and it's making me feel bad.

Other than that I'm 80% good (thinking blackouts still happen and thinking speed is slow), but this is what's making me feel bad. I wan't my emotions 100% full.

I don't think it's the lack of medications, since I've always been emotional in the good way. It must be some medication effect, paradoxal effect, or withdrawal. I think that removing the rest of the Ziprasidone would help...
Diagnostics - Bipolar I
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Re: Today my psychiatrist agreed to wean off all my medications

Postby Bui » Wed Sep 26, 2018 6:30 am

There's something I didn't mention. When I take 2-4mg Lorazepam, all my occasional irritability goes away. I become a Buddha. Much better than my normal un-medicated self.

I think that, after all medications are weaned off, if I still need something to keep me on track, it might be the Lorazepam.
Diagnostics - Bipolar I
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